I have been married for going 7 years, I have been trying to get out of it for the past 3 years. I feel sorry for him I dont know why? He wont pay bills, he always has another more important thing like a cell phone bill or his money gets gone without any explaination or anything to show for it. He has cheated several times, and two of his women has been in my house, when he was seeing them they would come by as if they were getting their computer worked on, he was letting my son go spend the night with these womens kids plus he had 2 more women he was chatting and I believe going to see. How I found out about all the women, is he forgot to close out his last computer session. When I got on and seen a chat with one women he hurried and closed it out so i just wanted to see more, thats when I seen were he had been sending naked pictures of himself to another woman he unplugged the computer and so it was a day or 2 later that i found out about the 2 women that had been in my house and talked to me and he let my son go to their house to play with their kids. The day i found out he left and would not answer his phone he said it was dead, then when i see his cell phone records i see that is a lie. I demanded that he leave but of course as usual me and my kids left because he refused to go. Then he begs me back and swears he will cut off all contact with the women, but again cell phone records showed that he was still talking to 2 of them 2 months later, he borrows money from everybody and then cant pay it back but he likes to get the latest electronic and show them off to the people he owes money 2, which is totally humilating to me, but whats more humilating is he will go back to those same people he owes and ask for more. He demands all my time and blames me for the other women saying I dont show him enough attention or affection, and says I nag him is the reason he wont pay bills, why do i feel sorry for him the only time is close to nice is when he is trying to win me back. My life with him is like this when Im washing dishes he says "why are you doing it that way" any house work he knows a better way but he dont do house work. the bills can always wait until my next check because he want something, or he didnt pay a fine. He calls me down and treats me like a child but wants me to take care of him like a baby. I have three kids that need me and need me to provide them but instead i give him what he ask for so i dont have to hear the whining. Why do I feel so sorry for him when i know he is so selfish and irresponsible? How do I get away from him without all the begging and guilt trips. He is 40 years old and both his parents are dead so he uses the excuse he has no one else to help him, and tells me if i will just get his check and pay bills i might have to listen to his mouth but the bills will be paid. well i bring home more that him so i know hed take mine hes done it before, and spends it on nothing but things we dont need so he can show off, he dont get it thats why alot of people cut off contact with him. any sugestions I need help!!!
It all comes down to you. Not him, you cannot change him or his reactions to your leaving. You CAN change how you deal with it. Change your language regarding him. For example, instead of "I can't deal with his whining", tell the truth - "I do not want to deal with his whining". Apply this to all the stuff going on, and you will see that you have as much responsibility for your plight as he does. You have all the knowledge and experience to make a decision about your relationship; whichever you decide (go or stay), it is YOU deciding that, not him. It is YOU who must live with it, do what you need to do, fix up your life. You can blame your husband for a lot of things, but not your refusal to decide your future.
What are you teaching your children by allowing their mother to be cheated on, ripped off, humiliated, broke, and lied to? That is lifelong damage that will not come undone without a lot of therapy for your children, likely as adults when they find themselves in a horrible relationship with a man just like daddy, or a woman just like mama. Isn't that enough to make the move?
How could you allow yourself to sleep in the same bed that your husband has used with his other women?
You mention 7 years of marriage with three of it trying to get out. If you have the financial resources to keep him out of trouble continuously, can you put some away each month for your getaway fund?
You are allowing this man to suck the life out of you, and only you can decide when it stops. He certainly won't give it up, he has it made!
Forgive me for the rough tone, I am simply trying to take some responsibility for yourself and your kids and get away from that man. He is nothing but trouble.
The Following User Says Thank You to writeleft For This Useful Post: chloe38 (12-28-2010)
You don't seem to have replied to these. I think you should, I'm curious how things are going. You must tell him that he needs to leave. Take his house keys away, make sure that he cannot reenter your home. His proplems are his problems, not yours. I assure you that you will find someone better. You are better than that, you have that potential. Kick him out, block his number, ignore his emails, block them if you can. Block that idiot out of your life. You have no need to put up with that. That is my advice, and it is close enough to what I have done in the past, and it has worked tremendously well. Being homeless sounds better than being with that guy.