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Old 05-22-2011, 03:55 AM   #1
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Question 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

My son left for college 1.5 years ago. As far as I know he didn't do any drugs then. He was actually pretty anti-drug/alcohol. During his 1st freshman college semester he met a girl that he fell for. She smoked pot regularly and took some Rx's (she had a bad anxiety problem). And here it goes.

They moved in together that Spring, and he was totally head over heals for her. (He hated living on campus and he wanted to have his dogs at school with him...) When they broke up early the next Fall (approx 6 mos later), he quit functioning in life. Quit going to class, flunked out of that semester.

When he was home during the Christmas break, I could tell there were changes in him – mood, he was up for a long time, he stole my Concerta, my pain pills I had for my foot surgery. He was a completely different person. He didn’t go back to school the next semester.

I have access to his Face Book account and found that he was more than likely not only smoking pot but selling something that comes in a vial to make rent. (figured out it was LSD).

I went to see him (he’s out of state at school) and told him I was concerned about him and asked him to go to treatment. He was angry I showed up, denied he had any problems, and refused to go.

While I was there, a steady stream of ‘people’ were in and out of his house- almost like a drive-thru. He’s been robbed. And what really lets me know he’s not thinking straight is his beloved dog was injured in the break-in and he’s blowing it off. Ugh!

He’s very bright (aren’t they always!). I fear for his future – what is he doing to his brain, will he get arrested and not have a future, and my gosh…what if he hurts someone else? I just don’t know what to say to him…he was not raised to do this!

I know I can’t make him go, but how can I help him see this little detour has consequences that are life altering? What is he doing to his brain?

I am still giving him some money (I pay his car insurance and his credit card bill) because I don’t want him to be so desperate for money he gets caught dealing. (My brother is in prison for drugs, so I do know the cycle…please don’t tell me to just cut him off.) His deal with us (before I found out about the stuff other than using pot) was to take this past Spring off and go back this Fall. If he doesn’t do that, that’s when I am going to cut him off.

If I can make this any longer, I would like to say while I was there with him he blamed me for everything that is/was/will be wrong in his life. I do not doubt one bit that he has some type of underlying psych problem. I know he is ADD, but maybe Bipolar Personal Disorder.

Thanks for any input if you made it this far!

 
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Old 05-22-2011, 09:31 PM   #2
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Oh Fritos, how you sound like I once did. Advice: You can't force a 20 yr old into treatment or tell them anything...because they know everything! I would sit down with him immediately and see if he will even discuss with you. Be very calm and soothing; no yelling. (I did that, didn't work) Could be self medicating his depression about breakup.

Drug test from any pharmacy can tell you what he is taking..$45 at any drug store, You are not helping him, you are supporting his habit, if he truly has one. Find out NOW...the earlier the better.....If he won't take the drug test, then you know. Cut him off of any spending money, no college (why waste the money), because if he is heading toward the path of addiction....you ain't seen nothing yet. If he likes pills, then having money in his pocket reassures him that he can keep getting them, and taking more, and more and more. Sorry I rambled, but 20 yrs old is a baby who knows nothing, but knows everythng....you still have some control. But you'll have to decide after your talk and I pray he opens up about what's happening.
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Old 05-22-2011, 10:11 PM   #3
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Fritos, first off let me say, I'm sorry that you're having to live this nightmare. Do you have any other close family members that care deeply about your son, does he have any close friends in your area? The reason I ask is, have you considered contacting a rehab clinic and setting up an intervention with a counselor? I know it would be hard and there would have to be some tough alternatives decided, but at least you'd know where he was and that he was safe and not harming himself or someone else. Because that's the high stake in this drug game...it's not usually the users that get hurt, but very often some innocent soul gets hurt of killed.

Think about the intervention, he won't like it and will probably not like you for a while, but he'll get over it.

You're in my thoughts and prayers,

Kat

 
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Old 05-25-2011, 12:11 PM   #4
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

The disorder he has is addiction to drugs....plain and simple. Because he's a legal adult, you can not compell him to do anything. Maybe he needs to go to jail for a while to sober him up.

 
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Old 05-26-2011, 11:41 PM   #5
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Fritos, i think you will find my post helpfull as at one time i was your son... Seriously i was academically talented (on a scholarship at university) and started drinking and smoking marijuan to much. I used to take ecstacy weekly to party and sold a lot of marijuana to pay my rent through university.

First of all i agree with the other posters, you cannot force a 20 yo to do anything. I know this might sound harsh but i wouldnt worry too much about the lsd because it is not so much a drug of dependance. You will only push your son further away if you try and get him to go to Rehab.

For me the problem was marijuana was covering serious underlying issues. After completing university and settling into an unfulfilling career i continued to smoke for 5 years (including months in amsterdam) untill when i quit all these problems surfaced. And i had a breakdown.

My advice is simple. Dont adress the drug issues try and adress the underlying issues subtlety. Im sure its hard for a mother to not freak out but beleive me you will never change his habbits only he can. Books like Anthony Keidis biography made me realise how uncool drug taking can be. Traveling also made me realise how much more i could get out of life when not high.

I know it must be hard for you and i feel your pain but he has to initiate the change not you.

Best of Luck, he is only 20 and i can tell you 20 yo males are all crazy in one way or the other.

Maybe a visit to your brother in prison would be a sobering experience.

Last edited by WOtoLow; 05-26-2011 at 11:44 PM.

 
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Old 06-13-2011, 07:49 PM   #6
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Hi all and thanks for your responses. I have been out of touch for various reasons for a while. An update.

I do feel like he needs the chance to show me he can restart school when it resumes in the Fall. However, I doubt he will. At that time, I will cut him off. I saw my parents give in to my brother again and again and that is not helpful to anyone.

When I got back from my vacation I found out from son's father that there was a court date notice in his mailbox (he doesn't live there anymore). Dad opened it and searched online and found it was for shoplifting. What in the world?!?! I feel like I don't know this kid at all.

Now his Dad tells me that son had mentioned going on our vacation to a faraway state with us and not coming home. Hmmm, not going to happen. now he's not speaking to dad because he opened his mail.

I did look in to rehab and his dad and I asked him about it, but he denied needing it. Also spoke with an interventionist on the phone. If he doesn't return to school, that's my route. Even if he returns to school, I think there are underlying things that could possibly stand in his way. I pray this is not the case, but I am trying to be realistic. He would say I am paranoid.

Any further thoughts, advice? Give me strength!

Thanks,
Fritos

 
Old 06-14-2011, 01:27 AM   #7
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Hello Fritos,


One truism in life is that we will learn life's lessons,eventually.

Life throws us curve and knuckle balls,sliders,fastballs and then there's the occasional off-speed pitch.

When your son was in "little league" and playing "high school ball" things may have seemed much simpler.

Now that he's playing "college ball" it seems that he wants to bypass this step and go to the "majors."
--------
Be compassionate and supportive while being firm.

It's not easy to do but may just make a difference.

Respectfully,
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 06-14-2011 at 01:28 AM.

 
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Old 06-14-2011, 06:07 AM   #8
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Honestly you sound like you have it under control. You have a good plan and all you have to do is make sure you implement it. Your being a caring, loving mother who is doing the best for her child by setting limits and being firm with him.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, that you son gets better and that you and your husband have the strength you need to make it through this process.

And to keep you going remember one thing.....one of these years later down the road, when your son is holding his own newborn child, he'll thank you for being strong for him and giving him this chance.

kat

 
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Old 06-14-2011, 06:55 PM   #9
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

How awesome that I came back tonight and found some more responses to keep me strong. :-)

I do have a plan that I plan to follow - but of course as it gets closer I am doubting howi it will play out. The new shoplifting thing and him planning to run off and skip his court date -- whose kid is this?!?! I know his little brother (the middle son) misses him, but honestly, I don't want him around right now the way he's handling his life. Of course, I feel awful even feeling that way!

Thanks, to all you total strangers out there, for having my back on this one. I can assure you I will be back again and again as this unfolds. I hope I can repay your kindness as I get to know each of you a little more.

Hugs,
Fritos

 
Old 06-14-2011, 08:12 PM   #10
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

amen to that. nicely put
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Old 06-24-2011, 04:44 PM   #11
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

I haven't talked to this son, but he did contact his 15yo brother earlier this week (thru FaceBook since he doesn't have a phone right now).

He says he's not coming to Hawaii with us. I am hopeful that means he is staying behind to deal with the shoplifting charge.

I am still hoping he will see the light!

wonder if there is anyway I can contact the court there and let them know he needs to go to rehab.....

Hope this finds all of you well,
Fritos

 
Old 06-24-2011, 04:47 PM   #12
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

Of course you can contact the court. And I would do just that. If you have time, you can even send a letter to the judge, explain what's going on and let him know what this child needs...more than likely the judge will agree with you!!
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Old 06-24-2011, 06:56 PM   #13
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

How do I find out who the judge is? Do I just call the county in that state and give my son's name, etc. I could call here ahead of time to the rehab place that I have researched that I think would work (for him - it's a ranch, not too heavy on religion, they do detox, etc. and for me - on my insurance, know someone whose daughter who successfully left there!) I digress... Do I call ahead to them and see if they have any openings or if they might around the time of his court date. Since I won't be anywhere around for his court date, I guess I could leave that up to him/the judge/his dad who still lives in that county.

All you advice is greatly appreciated!
Fritos!

 
Old 06-24-2011, 07:03 PM   #14
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

fritos, I know how you feel. I have a 19-year-old who also has a problem with various drugs (I don't think he's addicted to any particular one, except maybe pot... he's just "addicted" to altering his consciousness) and is also in legal trouble.
In your case, it must be even more shocking because your son was in college and doing well. My son has always been troubled and rebellious. We've known for many years that he was likely to run into this sort of trouble. We still couldn't stop it, though, not with all the counseling and treatment in the world. Believe me, we tried.

In the end, our sons are men now, even though we don't feel that way.
All we can do is be there for them when they decide they want help seeking a different path. We can't force them.

Best wishes. We're on a hard road, aren't we?

 
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Old 06-24-2011, 07:23 PM   #15
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Re: 20yo son now using pot, LSD, drinking, huffing?, etc.

The way it works here is the judge can court-order him to rehab for 30-60-90 (I prefer 90) and whatever rehab the county uses or can get him in will be where he goes. You and hubby need to step back and let judge do what is best, and hopefully that will be known because you have notified him/her. Call county clerk's office for the particular court and find out who the judge is. Or you can look it up on the web.
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