Re: Lost & confused
Oh Luvv2- It's a terrible place to be, having to watch the man you love destroy his health & his family. I can truly sympathize with you. I just posted on another thread about a wife dealing with her husband's addictions, so I won't re-hash all the details.
I will tell you that it's very common for addicts to avoid the people who love them, and it's also very common for them to try & take the spotlight off themselves & divert or lay the blame & guilt on others. They do this so they don't have to deal with the guilt. They also do it because they know that if the person/people who love them feel guilty, they are less likely to confront them & make them face the fact that they have a problem. Addicts don't want to admit they have a problem because if they do, then that means they have to make changes. It means the people who love them so dearly will expect them to make changes. Sometimes it's the shame that keeps them from admitting there's a problem too.
Admitting there is a problem & stopping use of their substance of choice is a scarey reality- sometimes because of the fear of withdrawals or even failure, sometimes because they simply don't want to quit using.
Luvv, unless your husband is ready to admit he has a problem, and TRULY mean it, nothing you say or do will make a difference. You will be the one suffering while he continues down this path of addiction. You will be the one losing sleep and worrying, not him. It's not easy, but right now you have to focus on your children & you have to move forward for yourself as well as your little ones. Maybe your husband will see the light when you show him you will not suffer because of his addictions & his choices and make a decision to get clean. If losing his family & his wife is his rock-bottom, then he will make some changes, but sweetie, if that isn't his rock-bottom then you will have to find a way to stay strong & healthy for yourself so you can provide a stable environment for your children. I know it was probably the hardest thing in the world for you to make him leave, but I feel you did the right thing. It's not fair to you nor your children to live your lives watching him ruin his.
You will find so much support here, so please continue to seek comfort, advice & support from the very kind people here!
Last edited by ozzybug; 05-31-2011 at 11:01 AM.