I have cancer and my best friend of 16 years took it the hardest. We are 27 now and for the past 2 years she has been a roller coaster. She recently told me she was hospitalize for a drug overdose. I knew she had a pill problem because she is always asking me for my pain pills and my anxiety meds. I couldn't get a hold of her for a week. So when she said she had taken "meth" and that was what she overdosed on, I didn't know what to think. I cried and asked why. She couldn't tell me. I've never done illegal drugs in my life. I come from a family of addicts so it hits so close to home. And the thing is, so does she. Her mom, dad and little brother all are on some type of illegal drugs. I told her that I wasn't mad at her. Nor do I judge her. I love her like she is my family. It hurts so much to think that it is my illness that sent her into this spiral. So, what is the want/need for the drugs?? I can't understand. Is there anyone out there that can help me understand why she did what she did?? Is it truly my fault??
This is not your fault; people make their own choice to take drugs. All you can do is be there for your friend, to listen and suggest she get help. But mostly, take care of yourself; it sounds like you have enough on your plate.
No,its not, and I'll tell u why. It is her coping mechanism and life is full of situations we need to cope with. When a family member dies, maybe a child in the future, serious relationship breakup, blah blah,,,all need to be coped with. This is her emotional bandaid, and until she recognises this, and decides to grow up and learn healthier coping skills, she will be in the cycle of the knee jerk reaction of using an emotional bandaid...if her family are druggies, they probably have the same coping strategy, which may be why she wasnt taught any functional ways to cope, and continues in a dysfuctional and dangerous cycle..maybe go to therapy, or a support group together...it may do u both good... goodluck.
Thank you so much. I love my friend so much. I am hoping that the NA meetings and other self help groups she is talking about going to, will help her. I am also thinking about taking her with me to church...maybe God will do what none of us can. Thank you for helping me realize that it's not my fault. All I can do is give her my support.
The following user gives a hug of support to Kaytaters: nightingale00 (06-09-2011)
It is interesting that you paired "want/need" together.
At times,it's about escaping;not the "houdini-esque" dazzle em'with illusion,either.
Wanting to be rid of stress and trauma is normal but it's the means by which it is accomplished that seperate us.
Some find solutions in either a bottle of drink or pills;some others in narcotic substances.
It's when the psyche has convinced itself to graduate from wanting to needing that the problem seems to escalate.
Your fault....by no means.
it runs in her family,which may be indicative of a genetic predisposition of sorts;possibly even a chemical imbalance.
Wondering, should I let her know that all these things are hurting me A LOT! The week before the OD she called me at 4am, ten times. When I answered she was drunk and on pills, crying. She said she was scared. I went and picked her up and she had a huge gash in her hand. She had gone through a glass table. Like I said before, best friend of 16 years. Am I enabling her by "rescuing" her from situations like that? I feel like the only stable one in her life. Even her husband drinks to much and somkes to much pot. I just am at a loss.
Yes, in a way you are enabling her, but you are also buying her one more day. And maybe one of those days may just be the one when she wakes up to herself...share with her how much it scares you, and maybe point out how her behaviour is way more dangerous than some cancers, because they have treatments for some cancers, and hope for survival, but the way she is going will kill her faster than all of them, and you cant change yours, but she can change hers. youre probly the only one with a straight head in her whole life. How much truth can she handle?
She has so much dissapoint in her life, that I'm not sure how much truth she can handle. Her home life is rocky. I really a afraid that it might put her over the edge. Sometimes I want to shake her! I want to yell and scream. It's so hard on my health worrying about her. I afraid the next call will be because she's dead.
Should I stage an intervention? I know she said that the OD opened her eyes. But should I trust her since this isn't the first go around with drugs? She's admited to doing Coke and Meth. I wish there was a simple answer.
It is a real possability I know...and you are right in assessing your own reserves in this...dont let yourself become too rundown where you are in danger yourself...trust in GOD. You mentioned church, well that might be somewhere to look, for your help and hers. You cant be her conciense, so just love her. keep loving her...tell her..tell her you love her. its a shame, but we cant live other peoples lives for them. By looking after yourself you are loving her too. just take each judgement call as it comes. And hand it over to jesus in prayer - pray that not your will, but his will be done. He always knows whats best for us. This has saved me and my children quite a few times now. I am speaking from experience from both sides of the track, be strong in heart, and spirit, and have faith....
She is obviously struggling and would benefit from a strong support unit.
Some people have sponsors,which is all well and good but additional members add to the bond,for there's strength in numbers.
She has you,you have your issues and are making it your responsibility to also take hers.
It's painful enough to know,much less watch another individual sink towards their bottom.
You want to immediately throw out that "life preserver" because you clearly see the SOS beacon illuminating.
Please don't take this the wrong way but you have a responsibility to yourself and then others,not vice-versa.
This has already taken its' toll on you and you are her friend.
Would she benefit from a program or counseling of sorts;it's tough to say because if her heart,mind and soul aren't in it,she won't reap the benefits.
At the moment,she is what I call a "lost soul" who needs to find herself,instead of merely "running away."
The more she "runs" the more difficult it will be to "catch up to her"(reach her).
Take a deep breath and if you're a religious person,pray for her.
If not religious,send out positive vibes of energy,plant a flower and give it her name,be frustrated "at" her situation not "with" it....
Anything but don't feel compelled to bear her burden with her;unless she is prepared to put in some effort herself.
Thanks. I will continue to pray for guidance and hope the Lord will show me the way. If not, maybe He will give her some comfort and show her the right path. The one that she has strayed from. She wasn't always a lost soul.