I'm new and this is my first post. The idea of codependency has just been presented to me in therapy and in learning more about it, I can see how I became codependent and many times when I let it rule. I can see that it is what has fueled my depression and relate to some factor of it in almost every aspect of my life.
When I was 3 or 4, my grandparents lived with us because my grandfather had been in an accident and had limited use of his legs. He was often in pain or sick. But I used to bring him things he needed and he would always say "that's my good little nurse." He would always talk about how I was going to be a nurse when I grew up.
I already knew that I did not want to be a nurse, taking care of other people. I remember agonizing because I was afraid it was already set in stone. Finally, I got courage and with my heart pounding in fear, I told him I didn't want to be a nurse. He assured me that was ok, that I could be anything he wanted."
Then, he said, "but you'll always take care of Grandpa, won't you."
I remember my heart sinking back into doom and gloom, feeling trapped and sure that I was already stuck. I'm pretty sure that guilt has made me a caretaker that allows herself to be manipulated into unhealthy behaviors.
This is a very interesting topic. I've learned a lot from exploring this memory. I wish others would post some of theirs.
Thanks for reading