My boyfriend, with whom I have two daughters with, is a recovering addict of meth. He was clean for two years before meeting me and up until about 3 months ago was clean. He relapsed and used for almost 3 months until recently.
I have threatened to kick him out many times and he would stay clean long enough for me to forget about the lies and manipulation. I believe he is finally clean right now, getting his motivation and confidence back, and looking for a job since he lost his 3 months ago. But everything he does I am watching his behaviors to see if he is using, sometimes I am suspicious and will say something to him, which makes him mad like I do not have faith in him. He also says if I am going to say he is doing it then he might as well, which to me is just an excuse for him to be weak and give in. I am driving myself crazy!
Should I just let him be and trust him? or do I watch every move he makes? Any advice from those who have dealt with this?
Being someone who is recovering myself, I know how being scrutinized can be frustrating, especially if I am doing well. However, trust is earned over time, and the "if you think i am, then I might as well use" line is lame.
I say give him some space but watch for warning signs.. you will know them best having gone through it before, but allow him time to recover, it is a delicate time.
And I agree, he will benefit from follow-up treatment in order to stay clean. But yeah, think of your daughters well being first.. good luck
Last edited by second go; 06-14-2011 at 09:33 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post: lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Sounds like you're doing a good job as someone who lives with an addict. The trust takes a long time to get back and longer each time they ruin that trust. Not a good life. Give him a drug test...for the kids if nothing else~~~
The Following User Says Thank You to flintrock For This Useful Post: lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Using excuses like that don't fly well with me as I have used the exact excuse in the past... "I might as well use if I am being accused." That, in my opinion is admitting to using. What better excuse than to say that. I have learned many things since being an ex user and that is to take all that comes with it.... including the trust issues as well as those who will continue to doubt me for some time.
I say go with your instinct. If you feel something, you are probably correct. I have learned that as eerie as it can be, the woman's instinct is better than a lie detector.
The Following User Says Thank You to corissa3 For This Useful Post: lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Hi there, I had a best friend who was using this drug, I watched her throw so much away - trust takes years to build and one second to lose. He must show you that he is really wanting to kick this addiction by certain actions, the process of recovery. It sounds like he needs help, willpower is simply not enough when this drug gets hold of people. There are books about recovery and addiction that I found helpful, also aa meetings and bookwork or research together on the computer. Good luck.