It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Codependency Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-14-2011, 11:01 AM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kansas
Posts: 4
lotalot26 HB User
Trusting a recovering addict?

My boyfriend, with whom I have two daughters with, is a recovering addict of meth. He was clean for two years before meeting me and up until about 3 months ago was clean. He relapsed and used for almost 3 months until recently.

I have threatened to kick him out many times and he would stay clean long enough for me to forget about the lies and manipulation. I believe he is finally clean right now, getting his motivation and confidence back, and looking for a job since he lost his 3 months ago. But everything he does I am watching his behaviors to see if he is using, sometimes I am suspicious and will say something to him, which makes him mad like I do not have faith in him. He also says if I am going to say he is doing it then he might as well, which to me is just an excuse for him to be weak and give in. I am driving myself crazy!

Should I just let him be and trust him? or do I watch every move he makes? Any advice from those who have dealt with this?

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-14-2011, 04:41 PM   #2
Facilitator
(male)
 
Phoenix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,864
Blog Entries: 33
Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Hello lot,

What you need to ask yourself,in my opinion,is whether he is putting in the work that deserves your trust.

Is he attending meetings or provided you with a feasible plan of action going forward?

Those who fail to plan actually plan to fail.

Respectfully,
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-14-2011, 07:57 PM   #3
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: US
Posts: 10
fritos HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Just offering support to you. Wishing you the best.
Fritos

 
The Following User Says Thank You to fritos For This Useful Post:
lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Old 06-14-2011, 10:33 PM   #4
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: canada
Posts: 382
second go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB Usersecond go HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Being someone who is recovering myself, I know how being scrutinized can be frustrating, especially if I am doing well. However, trust is earned over time, and the "if you think i am, then I might as well use" line is lame.

I say give him some space but watch for warning signs.. you will know them best having gone through it before, but allow him time to recover, it is a delicate time.

And I agree, he will benefit from follow-up treatment in order to stay clean. But yeah, think of your daughters well being first.. good luck

Last edited by second go; 06-14-2011 at 10:33 PM.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to second go For This Useful Post:
lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Old 06-15-2011, 06:49 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: arkansas
Posts: 1,592
flintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Sounds like you're doing a good job as someone who lives with an addict. The trust takes a long time to get back and longer each time they ruin that trust. Not a good life. Give him a drug test...for the kids if nothing else~~~
__________________
Flintrock mom

 
The Following User Says Thank You to flintrock For This Useful Post:
lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Old 06-15-2011, 07:58 PM   #6
Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 371
corissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB Usercorissa3 HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Using excuses like that don't fly well with me as I have used the exact excuse in the past... "I might as well use if I am being accused." That, in my opinion is admitting to using. What better excuse than to say that. I have learned many things since being an ex user and that is to take all that comes with it.... including the trust issues as well as those who will continue to doubt me for some time.

I say go with your instinct. If you feel something, you are probably correct. I have learned that as eerie as it can be, the woman's instinct is better than a lie detector.

 
The Following User Says Thank You to corissa3 For This Useful Post:
lotalot26 (06-16-2011)
Old 06-15-2011, 09:35 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: arkansas
Posts: 1,592
flintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB Userflintrock HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Amen sister
__________________
Flintrock mom

 
Old 06-15-2011, 10:30 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Posts: 21
Gucci HB User
Re: Trusting a recovering addict?

Hi there, I had a best friend who was using this drug, I watched her throw so much away - trust takes years to build and one second to lose. He must show you that he is really wanting to kick this addiction by certain actions, the process of recovery. It sounds like he needs help, willpower is simply not enough when this drug gets hold of people. There are books about recovery and addiction that I found helpful, also aa meetings and bookwork or research together on the computer. Good luck.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Daughter’s father is recovering addict. JulJul22 Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 7 12-19-2007 06:40 AM
Recovering Story ReadyToBeDone Addiction & Recovery 5 11-07-2007 06:34 AM
from a recovering/recovered hydrocone addict - these are the w/d symptoms walkersma Addiction & Recovery 32 02-27-2006 04:57 PM
Recovering addict or recovered addict? loreligaff Addiction & Recovery 1 10-10-2005 01:16 PM
Girlfriend of recovering vic addict... I'm hurting :( onetwopunch Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 6 06-25-2005 09:10 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:39 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!