My partner has been using crack cocaine for about an year and a half. He had used years ago but had been clean for more than 5 yrs. He relapsed after losing his job of 22 years. Since I discovered his relapse about a year ago he has been constantly battling trying to stop using. He has some success...I think 30 days is his max. I believe him when he says he wants to stop. We have put a lot of measures into place. He doesn't carry cash or have access to cash or credit for example. However he continues to find loopholes on those days when he is really craving. Yesterday he "slipped" again and used $10 in change he had accumulated. He came home and immediately I could tell. I can always tell. He was desperately unhappy. He decided to ordered home drug tests that he can use every 72 hrs to have some accountability. However, I don't really see how these will be helpful when I can always tell he has used and he is always honest about using (after the fact). We are trying to think of a way to use these tests as a preventative measure. I don't want to be a "police officer" giving more and more consequences with each relapse. I was just wondering if anyone has any ideas? Thanks
Glad to see Partner is trying here. The tests can be a source of accountability. However, have you set boundaries with consequences if he fails a test? Unless you do, the tests will be meaningless.
In all honesty, if we truly want to achieve sobriety, it is a lot more work than that. The thinking must change concerning drugs. We need to discover why we turn to drugs and find better ways to cope with life. Drug use is much more than a physical thing.... it is a symptom of lacking skills to deal with life.
Encourage him to do a 12 step program or to seek private counseling. As he does that, consider Al-anon or Nar-anon for yourself. It will help you better understand the issue of addiction and in turn learn the tools for you to apply.
I did the test thing... I got them from the methadone clinic. They did nothing for the situation... good or bad. There is always a reason for a positive, some that can be explained and some that are supernatural.
If you can tell and he is honest, you have all the proof you need. The tests will only be useful if he is using and not coming home until the "proof" has worn off.
Have you or he considered him going into an inpatient treatment program? He doesn't seem to be able to do this by himself, and a good program can make all the difference in the world. And in doing so, you wouldn't always have to feel like the bad guy, or that you're policing him and checking up/questioning him all the time.