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Old 07-08-2011, 03:24 PM   #1
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Okay ladies, lets talk.

For the past 2yrs I've been going through the whole therapist, psychologist, meds, etc.. I was very bad last night and I considered taking some Clonazepam to take the load off and so that I could sleep, I resisted the temptation and basically layed there tossing and turning and at some point crying myself to sleep. so, what's my problem? I'm a 22yr old who has major abandonment issues, is codependent, suffers from PTSD, and is basically addicted drama and can't be stimulated any other way. It's causing some major issues in my relationship. Every month or so I have these little episodes where I start to create issues and question my relationship and basically end up feeling like I'm gonna suffocate and die. I have the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, he wants to work out the issues and has even told me that if I need to take a few days to myself every few weeks when I feel the urge to start something I can, so... here I am, we've decided not to speak until tomorrow when I've cleared my head, but the reason I'm posting is because I'm feeling really really helpless, like, no matter how much help, how much I want to change, it's just not in the cards for me, I'm going to addicted to my suffering for the rest of my life. Is there anyone who feels this way as well? I wish I could speak to women who have gone through and have successfully recovered from this addiction.

thanks for reading.
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Old 07-08-2011, 10:42 PM   #2
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Re: Okay ladies, lets talk.

I too, would like to offer my support to you and also understand that you have a lot to deal with now, and seeking help for yourself is always a good choice. You seem to be quite devoted to your recovery, with your history of counseling and using different therapies to help. As Dragonleheart mentions, it is one day at a time. The more days you can string along in a row, the stronger you are getting. Having a bad day does not mean you are starting all the way over, just a little setback and back on the saddle for you!

I wish I had that story you are seeking, of a woman who has been through these same issues as you have and have recovered from it all to live a happy life. While I am not that woman, I do have a story that I think is a triumph over some huge life traumas, and has come out of it to the amazement of both myself and all others who know me. You see I am in end stage kidney failure, after surviving 4 strokes and a heart attack, enduring serious organ damage along the way, leaving me almost blind, and literally asleep for over a year. That was 8 years ago, and today I spend my time volunteering for others who are seeking help from their own personal experiences. From this I have learned the most helpful aspect of any recovery and that is our attitude toward recovery.

Finding some positive in every situation is not the first thing we think of, when faced with difficulties. First of all, we have to break our old habits of having our first reaction as being a negative one. It takes practice and thought, but very soon the positives are easier to see, and they appear where before they did not. I have tested this theory every way I can, and have never found anything that does not have at least one positive thing about it. I know this may seem overly simple, but it is simple.

Adding a positive attitude to your combination of treatments that work for you. Slip it in, and see if you can help yourself in any way by simply finding a positive thought into your others. If you can keep a string of positive re-enforcements going in your self talk is very helpful in changing your feelings about yourself.

You are strong and you can do anything you set your heart to do. When faced with adversity, we can either choose to stand up and live, or curl up and die. I know I have turned my death sentence into a life full of love and happiness every single day. However much life I have, I have chosen to fill it with people and objects thoughts and experiences that re-enforce my choice to be happy and positive. As much as I have been forced to stop many of the things I had thought it took to be happy, I have replaced them with things that are sure to remind me of what a wonderful world it is, and how many beautiful things it has to offer to each of us, no matter of our past, no matter of our hardships. The next time you see something you like, grab it a enjoy it, whether it is as simple as a sunset, or as pretty as a wildflower. Just for that moment, your trouble will be gone. Turn that into a daily habit, and each day will deliver another little symbol of life's bounty.


Janet

 
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Old 07-08-2011, 11:46 PM   #3
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Re: Okay ladies, lets talk.

thank you guys for your replies, last night, while trying to sleep, I saw down and prayed and prayed and cried and cried to my HP to help me in my struggle, it put me right to sleep and I woke up feeling better. I don't have many friends and I felt I had to tell someone, I know that I'm not suppose to do this but sometimes I sit and wonder why this happened to me, why it is that when I'm suppose to be happy, I just can't be, I have to find something wrong, something to analyze, something to think about, something has to be to blame for my unhappiness. I thought I felt better, but the truth is I don't. I go through periods where i am very happy and then I sink into this deep depression filled with panic. The truth is that I start to attack what I brings me happiness, at this point my relationship, the thoughts sink in and I can't help but blow it all up and go into panic mode.

I am in a better place than I was a few yrs back, I no longer engage in some of the behavior I did at that time, so I suppose that's good, I just wish there wasn't so much ground to cover.
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