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Old 07-26-2011, 11:06 AM   #1
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margaretrose HB User
Think I'm co-dependent

I posted a threat on relationsips but it probably should have been posted here as I know through reading loads internet items that I have all the symptons of a co-dependnet on another person, being a male friend. To summarise ,I met this guy who came to fix my double glazing window. I am married aged 47 and he is 48 and has a partner (not married) they have a daughter of 7 years age together and his partner also has a daughter and son from her previous marriage. My friend has also been previosly married but divorced after 7 years as he wanted a family and his wife didn;t. Our purely platonic friendship has been going on for four years, in which time I have given him over £25,000 ($50,000) , he has used this for work purposes,a couple of new vans, van signage, a car and again signage on that, holidays, gifts, help with advertising his company and cash. He has paid me back very little. What do I get out of it, we meet every now and then for a coffee in a coffee shop, we sometimes go to football matches, we have picked up some classic cars together , oh and I also rent two garages for him to keep his cars at £100 per month ($200), I bought a car off him to give him money up front and then had to sell the car on, which I ended out of pocket. I just seem to have a need to give him all my money, at the detriment of myself, I can no longer just go out and buy something as I no longer have the money, or on holiday. I;ve see a therapist but that never worked, I've jeopoardised my job, swived, taken sick leave, all sorts to acommodate either meeting up with him (his self employed) or help him out. What do I get in in return, nothing really, his time which is limited, coffee is at most half an hour usually and he always needs to get away or is on edge, over the years I have the cold shoulder, being ignored, being sworn at (he sometimes things I;m crazy and has said so). Do I feel happy after meeting him sometimes yes, but last night he said he only had 5 minutes to spend with me and as he was expected home and then his van wanted start and he started swearing and I could see he was blaming me, he said today he would ring me but he hasn,t. Me being me, I have texted him a couple of times to say if I don;t hear back I assume he doesnt want anymore to do with me, and rang him to leave a message and that's it. Nothing. It has been quite a turberlent four years and I am not sure what I am expecting , nothing ever changes, he needs money, I give it to him, he doesnt give me it back, he meets me every now and then, sometimes begrudgingly. I really would like someone to respond on what they think of the situation, from a male perspective would be good . But if this just goes on, but I am not sure it will now, as today I feel like crap and feel like he is treating me like crap and I don;t deserve it. He has in the past said something like if you hadn;t done this or that I would have met up, which then I feel really bad about myself. Margaretrose

 
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Old 07-28-2011, 03:36 PM   #2
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Re: Think I'm co-dependent

Quote:
Originally Posted by margaretrose View Post
(he sometimes things I;m crazy and has said so). Do I feel happy after meeting him sometimes yes, but last night he said he only had 5 minutes to spend with me and as he was expected home and then his van wanted start and he started swearing and I could see he was blaming me,

It has been quite a turberlent four years and I am not sure what I am expecting , nothing ever changes, he needs money, I give it to him, he doesnt give me it back, he meets me every now and then, sometimes begrudgingly.

I really would like someone to respond on what they think of the situation, from a male perspective would be good . But if this just goes on, but I am not sure it will now, as today I feel like crap and feel like he is treating me like crap and I don;t deserve it. He has in the past said something like if you hadn;t done this or that I would have met up, which then I feel really bad about myself. Margaretrose
Hello Margaretrose,

Sorry we had to meet under these circumstances but everything happens for a reason.

From my perspective,he feels that he can have the cake,eat it and even finish off the crumbs left behind.

You give him your all(financially) and yet he still makes you feel less than.

He realizes that you have a weak spot for him and it'll be exploited until you are in a cardboard box......even then he'll probably drive by and ask for whatever change you have in your tin cup.

As difficult as this may seem to do,sever ties with this individual and when the garage storage fees are due,cancel them.

If you don't feel you can do this face-to-face then text him and above all else,stick to your position.

There may be support groups in your locale;please try to seek them out.

You deserve better.

May I ask where your husband figures in all of this?

Please explain further,if you are up to it.

Respectfully
Phoenix
__________________
When in doubt, post it out.

Last edited by Phoenix; 07-28-2011 at 03:41 PM.

 
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