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Will I Be Happy 08-14-2011 12:13 PM

I Don't Know How to Do This
 
I don't know where to begin. I'm sitting at my computer hysterically crying b/c I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose my family. A previous message was moved to this board. It's only been 24 hours that I've had this term "CoDependency" in my brain. I'm going on vacation tomorrow and I have so many emotions towards my family. I have so much concern and fear for my brother. He's never been settled and most of his life is all over the place. Only this summer has it really hit me how much of my life has been controlled by him and his moods...including my mom and dad. I'm trying to put my foot down and not get involved with things that don't involve me yet it's all I'm used to. He's very self-centered and his main concern is himself and he throws a fit when things don't go his way. He's dependent on girls in the sense of he can't be alone. He's always in a "relationship." He needs to have that void filled. He lives a fast paced life...I'm afraid to know how he really lives his life. He runs through money and expects others to help. My parents (especially my mom) has enabled him. When I put my foot down at the beginning of the summer, he had a fit. I poured my heart out in an email which he hasn't addressed. I think he's incapable. I'm TERRIFIED he's going to die, either on purpose or accident. We were going to try to have a family dinner today but he obviously got into an argument with his current female friend so now he's not coming. Mom is yelling at dad. Dad is yelling at mom. How do I do this anymore? I can't take the pain anymore. This codependency makes sense but I don't know how to move forward. I've been in therapy for years with many different therapists. My current has been the best, hence all the progress I'm beginning to make with changing my role in the family. But how do I get to the acceptance of my family? I don't want to lose them yet I can't be this person anymore. PLEASE HELP!!!

Phoenix 09-09-2011 02:25 AM

Re: I Don't Know How to Do This
 
[QUOTE=Will I Be Happy;4822630]I've been in therapy for years with many different therapists. My current has been the best, hence all the progress I'm beginning to make with changing my role in the family. But how do I get to the acceptance of my family? I don't want to lose them yet I can't be this person anymore. PLEASE HELP!!![/QUOTE]

Hello WIBH,

Thank goodness that you have met a therapist that you seems to be the right fit for you.

Once your role changes in the family dynamic,it will be for the members to either accept or reject your placement.

Many people don't like change and if acceptance is welcomed,realize it will be a gradual process.

It's not selfish to put yourself first,when you feel pressured.

You have found the strength to do something about it.....

Please try not to lose sight of your main objective.

Respectfully
Phoenix


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