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Old 10-26-2011, 03:08 PM   #1
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Location: Evanston, IL
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Luvd1 HB User
No Trust

I am over 40 years old and I feel like I trust no one. If we met you'd probably think I am pretty normal, maybe even successful..... on the surface. I am a high school teacher, mother of 3 amazingly happy children, and a wife(for now anyways).

I am in such emotional pain all the time that I cannot function in the world. I wonder again and again what my problem is. On the surface things are okay, not perfect or great, but okay. But I self destruct my normal life fairly often and I feel I have NO SUPPORT system at all- even though I have people around me all the time. My marriage is a different story, as I find him to be very cold toward me and even cruel and hurtful at times.

Here's my root pain: My Mother did not supply me with affection/attention as a little girl. She is always too busy taking care of everyone else- the neighbor, the "new" family member (we've had a new aunt and sister in the last 5 years).... just everyone....other than her own daughter. It is crazy that my Mother has NO BOUNDRIES. She has 6 children, 3 step children, takes care of a "new" aunt, allowed a "new" sister to join the last birthday my sister (died of cancer), watches neighbor's children, cares for the elderly & sickly and so much more you would not even believe it. Oh Yeah- my Mother is 65 years old and raising 5 children under the age of 12!

I suffer extreme emotional neglect. I feel SO EMOTIONAL needy I can hardly breath. I see other people with their Mom's decorating their classrooms (I am a teacher) and I am angry. I feel emotionally barren. I don't trust anyone and it is a MAJOR problem in my life.

Does anyone have any insight into how my Mother can 'ignore' me (a fairly normal daughter). Don't get me wrong...if I need some tangible thing she's there for me.

I am Miserable. I don't trust anyone. I am numb and hurting and it is getting in the way of my marriage and mothering. AND I am a teacher, so I cannot even love my students because I am hurting so much.

Numb..... but want to shake it off and be happy

 
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:25 AM   #2
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renko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB Userrenko HB User
Re: No Trust

Hi, I'm so sorry you feel so empty emotionally. I have felt that way too and especially when I was married to my first husband and had three sons. My mom died when I was 11 years old and adopted and wanted me when I was almost 3 years old. My dad wanted a son but got me and then his wife died and he was angry. He tried to send me away but I stayed with him and it was miserable for 6 years until I turned 18. I was ignored and compared to others and he has never connected with me emotionally. I couldn't understand it and found it hard to forgive him for hurting me. But I became a Christian and over the years I learned to trust others and got support from friends and learned unconditional love. Jesus wanted to have a personal relationship with me and said He would never leave me or forsake me like my dad did. Does your mom only treat you this way or your other siblings? Are you the oldest? My dad would give me materially but not emotionally and I realized with me he is emotionally handicapped and it wasn't my fault. You need support and love from other women and need to find at least one person you can trust and share with. I'm sorry your husband is cold too. My husband didn't understand me emotionally either so I finallyl left him. Try to read some positive books or fill your life with healthy people and learn to trust someone. We can't go it alone in this life. It is too lonely and sad. I understand how you are feeling. Can you go to a therapist or a pastor and share your feelings? Best wishes.

 
Old 10-27-2011, 09:40 AM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Montreal, Canada
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myria579 HB User
Re: No Trust

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luvd1 View Post
I am over 40 years old and I feel like I trust no one. If we met you'd probably think I am pretty normal, maybe even successful..... on the surface. I am a high school teacher, mother of 3 amazingly happy children, and a wife(for now anyways).

I am in such emotional pain all the time that I cannot function in the world. I wonder again and again what my problem is. On the surface things are okay, not perfect or great, but okay. But I self destruct my normal life fairly often and I feel I have NO SUPPORT system at all- even though I have people around me all the time. My marriage is a different story, as I find him to be very cold toward me and even cruel and hurtful at times.

Here's my root pain: My Mother did not supply me with affection/attention as a little girl. She is always too busy taking care of everyone else- the neighbor, the "new" family member (we've had a new aunt and sister in the last 5 years).... just everyone....other than her own daughter. It is crazy that my Mother has NO BOUNDRIES. She has 6 children, 3 step children, takes care of a "new" aunt, allowed a "new" sister to join the last birthday my sister (died of cancer), watches neighbor's children, cares for the elderly & sickly and so much more you would not even believe it. Oh Yeah- my Mother is 65 years old and raising 5 children under the age of 12!

I suffer extreme emotional neglect. I feel SO EMOTIONAL needy I can hardly breath. I see other people with their Mom's decorating their classrooms (I am a teacher) and I am angry. I feel emotionally barren. I don't trust anyone and it is a MAJOR problem in my life.

Does anyone have any insight into how my Mother can 'ignore' me (a fairly normal daughter). Don't get me wrong...if I need some tangible thing she's there for me.

I am Miserable. I don't trust anyone. I am numb and hurting and it is getting in the way of my marriage and mothering. AND I am a teacher, so I cannot even love my students because I am hurting so much.

Numb..... but want to shake it off and be happy
I think that once someone has been hurt or has had a feeling of being abondoned that is how we react towards the world afterwards. I know exactly how you feel. I did not live the same thing as you but I know how it feels to have no trust in people. I never trust anyone and it is hard to live this way. I think that you can always consult and get help but it will never go away UNLESS you work on it to get better. It is you that has full control of your feelings and only you that can control the way you think and the way you react. Obviously, it is hard to start having trust in people when you never do, but you should start by having trust towards children in your class, your husband and your children !

Last edited by myria579; 10-27-2011 at 09:41 AM.

 
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can't breath, emotional needy, emotional neglect, hurting, trust



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