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Old 01-30-2012, 04:14 PM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: England
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taijitu HB User
Don't know what to do...

Hi all.
This is my first time here, so here goes...

My mum needs help, and the only peson she has is me. But I need help too, and there is nobody there. I think I might expload one day.
My mum's weight has disabled her. She has weighed 30 stone since I was 8. She tried to lose the weight a while back but put it all back on again after she got cancer. She has recovered from the cancer, but now her weight is causing all kinds of problems. She is now diabetic, frequently gets cellulitus, has arthritus in the neck, and a hernia in her stomach. Not too mention how isolated and depressed she is.
I have always tried my hardest to look after us, do the chores and be there for her emotionally, but I have had to realise that not only am I unable to do anything to make her better but actually I am acting as an enabler. I used to think that if I was more perfect then she would have a reason to get better, but I have had to accept that the reason she does these things is because she has no love for herself- not because I am not good enough (The things that you think when you are little lol)

I am doing well but am my own worst enemy. I won't let myself be happy. I have coe so far but I know that no acheivement will ever be enough until I have some closure with my mum; until she gets better.

I want so much to help but everytime I see her I just shut down because its the only thing I can do to stop myself from crying (which gives her the impression that I do not love her causing a vicious cyle) And this compulsive caring has transferred to all areas of my life. Me desperately wanting some support, but feeling unable to get any and then getting angry at people for not knowing that i needed something. I'm even pushing away a really good relationship because of my inability to function as a normal human being (if there is such a thing).

I just don't know what to do.

 
The following user gives a hug of support to taijitu:
Haydena (01-31-2012)
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Old 01-31-2012, 06:24 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Israel.
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Haydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB UserHaydena HB User
Re: Don't know what to do...

Quote:
Originally Posted by taijitu View Post
Hi all.
This is my first time here, so here goes...

My mum needs help, and the only peson she has is me. But I need help too, and there is nobody there. I think I might expload one day.
My mum's weight has disabled her. She has weighed 30 stone since I was 8. She tried to lose the weight a while back but put it all back on again after she got cancer. She has recovered from the cancer, but now her weight is causing all kinds of problems. She is now diabetic, frequently gets cellulitus, has arthritus in the neck, and a hernia in her stomach. Not too mention how isolated and depressed she is.
I have always tried my hardest to look after us, do the chores and be there for her emotionally, but I have had to realise that not only am I unable to do anything to make her better but actually I am acting as an enabler. I used to think that if I was more perfect then she would have a reason to get better, but I have had to accept that the reason she does these things is because she has no love for herself- not because I am not good enough (The things that you think when you are little lol)

I am doing well but am my own worst enemy. I won't let myself be happy. I have coe so far but I know that no acheivement will ever be enough until I have some closure with my mum; until she gets better.

I want so much to help but everytime I see her I just shut down because its the only thing I can do to stop myself from crying (which gives her the impression that I do not love her causing a vicious cyle) And this compulsive caring has transferred to all areas of my life. Me desperately wanting some support, but feeling unable to get any and then getting angry at people for not knowing that i needed something. I'm even pushing away a really good relationship because of my inability to function as a normal human being (if there is such a thing).

I just don't know what to do.
Hi taijitu,

You do need the help of a professional person to give you support with your mother & yourself.

Is it possible for you to speak to your mother's doctor? Could you speak to the priest at your church who would advise you where to seek help?

It is impossible for people to know you need help unless you ask for it.

You write that your mother recovered from cancer, which means she was under the care of oncologists. Can you not go to the clinic/hospital where your mother was treated & ask them where you can get help? (explaining the situation to them)

I dont mean to be harsh with you, but your mother's health will only improve when you find the help she needs.

I wish you good luck in your search for help.

Haydena.

 
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