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Codependency Message Board
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Old 04-18-2012, 10:03 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Richardson, Tx USA
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AdriannaLaren HB User
Unhappy Help? What is a HEALTHY way to stop this?

My boyfriend and I are very much in love with each. We are perfectly suited to each, good to each other and have a great relationship with the exception of the fact that we are both codependent and keep running into the same issues. We have finally decided to join a codependency 12 step program together and to each seek individual therapy apart. We are both getting a lot better, and have made MAJOR improvement in our recovery. HOWEVER, we are continuing to run into one major problem and I am not sure what my response to this issue should be. He will want to be with, want to spend time with me, everything is complete bliss, then suddenly something will upset him and he pulls away (in the past would break up with me for a few days and then come back again) he is usually not nice to me during this time, will not speak to me, answer the phone, etc. (We have temporarily moved into seperate residences until we work more into our issues) He promised me last week that he would work harder to deal with this and stop this destructive behavior but then after what was one of our best weekends together he has done this again and I haven't heard from him in almost 2 days! He has done this in all of his previous relationships, and while he hasn't had a chance to get into therapy yet, I am at a loss at to how to deal with this. My past response would have been to chase him down with constant texts, phone calls, showing up unannounced to see him, etc. Now I am not calling, texting, making no contact at all, but of course it is terribly hard. From our past history together he has ALWAYS come back around after a couple days or so. I know I just need to give him the time and space to process his feelings. I just don't understand this since my addiction issues to him cause me to just cling to him and not let go. We are trying so hard to get healthy and this is the one lingering issue that I am at a loss as to how to deal with this and get it out of our relationship once and for all. How do I deal with these times and keep myself ok when he is going through this?

 
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