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Old 08-24-2012, 09:03 PM   #1
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Going Out on a Limb and Now I look crazy

I just broke off with a friend whom I have known and loved for over 30 years. She is not only a old friend but an ex-lover. But she is also a narcissist. And 3 different times over those 30 years I thought our relationship was going some place it will never be. Then, I tried being just friends with her.I moved up to Minnesota to help her our with her yard and garden because she had rotater cuff surgery last year and can't do anything anymore. Trouble is I found out.. that our entire relationship for 30 years was based on the things I could do for her..never what our friendship was to each other. To make a long story short. The more I went out of my way for her the more verbally abusive she got with me. Even the very second I was cutting her grass or doing her yard work. She would stand there and belittle me while I was busting my *** for her. As time wore on the past few months she started insulting me to my face, over the phone and behind my back to friends. I finally walked out on her and left her standing in the yard talking to herself. But the damage was done for when she realized I wouldn't help her anymore..she really started to cut off ties with me.I sent a few emails and some not very nice. insuting back to her. She always called my email diatribes. Which let me know what I thought and felt didn't mean anything to her.When a friend won't listen to anything you have to say and shuts you out..you know it's over. I was obsessed with this woman for 30 years. I can't stop thinkign about her but I do want to keep her out of my life now. She is just too toxic to be around me.

 
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Old 08-28-2012, 09:15 AM   #2
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Re: Going Out on a Limb and Now I look crazy

Good for you. You hung in there a long time and that shows what a loyal and faithful friend you were to her. I tend to be there for people too and want to help others but when I start realizing that they don't respect me or are only takers then I back off slowly and if they become verbally or mentally abusive and go over my boundaries then I realize they are toxic and not good relationships for me. I'm glad you now can find others who are healthier and who will treat you with the respect you deserve. It took a lot for you to leave and I know there will be a time of grieving but look for support from others and find good friends who are givers and not only takers. I went through many relationships that have not been good for me and I am happier and more productive. Best wishes.

 
Old 08-28-2012, 09:36 AM   #3
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Talking Re: Going Out on a Limb and Now I look crazy

Quote:
Originally Posted by renko View Post
Good for you. You hung in there a long time and that shows what a loyal and faithful friend you were to her. I tend to be there for people too and want to help others but when I start realizing that they don't respect me or are only takers then I back off slowly and if they become verbally or mentally abusive and go over my boundaries then I realize they are toxic and not good relationships for me. I'm glad you now can find others who are healthier and who will treat you with the respect you deserve. It took a lot for you to leave and I know there will be a time of grieving but look for support from others and find good friends who are givers and not only takers. I went through many relationships that have not been good for me and I am happier and more productive. Best wishes.
Yes this 30 years friendship had been just soo Lopsided! I did al the giving and she did all the taking and I never once thought about ever saying no to her or setting boundaries. Because I loved her it was no holes barred. Now she has gotten so caustic that she called the cop on me the other day because I sent her one more email than she wanted me to and I didn't take her seriously when she said she no longer wanted contact with me. I have a clean police record and have never been in trouble with the law so I know now I HAVE to stay the Hell away from her for good now. I can't believe it has come to this! But this is really happening so I have to abide by the rules and the law.I know it's best.

 
Old 08-28-2012, 09:45 AM   #4
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Re: Going Out on a Limb and Now I look crazy

Yes, you need to stay away from her and avoid the temptation of contacting her ever again. It will be hard for you. I had to stop a friendship and the person was very verbally and emotionally abusive. She was hurt by my pulling away from her and blamed me for many things. There are others out in this world that will cherish your friendship and honor your boundaries. You learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes it takes a long time for some of us to learn the red flags in a relationship. I wish you the best in finding someone you can trust and be safe with and will give to you and be more balanced in your life.

 
Old 08-28-2012, 09:55 AM   #5
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Re: Going Out on a Limb and Now I look crazy

Quote:
Originally Posted by renko View Post
Yes, you need to stay away from her and avoid the temptation of contacting her ever again. It will be hard for you. I had to stop a friendship and the person was very verbally and emotionally abusive. She was hurt by my pulling away from her and blamed me for many things. There are others out in this world that will cherish your friendship and honor your boundaries. You learned a valuable lesson. Sometimes it takes a long time for some of us to learn the red flags in a relationship. I wish you the best in finding someone you can trust and be safe with and will give to you and be more balanced in your life.
Yes! That's when all this stuff started when I started backing off on her...Thanks so much for your support. I need that!

 
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