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Old 09-25-2012, 11:10 AM   #1
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Long Island, New York, USA
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Ren1021 HB User
Unhappy a few things... HELP!!!

Im 27 years old and I'm codependent. I'm in therapy and working on it. I know it will be a long process, but it's so hard to know that I'm living this way and screwing up a relationship with someone who might be THE ONE. I have major trust issues. I question every little thing. I always compare myself to her exes and want to be better than them. I also feel guilty a lot. My brain always finds something negative to obsess over and it just takes a really great day and turns it to a bad one. My therapist seems to think I am codependent because I am an adult child of two drug abusers. My thoughts snowball until I get so upset and ruin really great days with my girlfriend. I feel like I'm constantly battling with myself and her. I'm sick of questioning. I'm sick of the tears. I'm sick of feeling like garbage. On top of the codependency, it seems as though I struggle with depression and anxiety. My therapist will be discussing the posibility of medication. I am hoping that it can help take the edge off enough to help me think more clearly. To make things even more difficult, my girlfriend and I are both gay. That adds additional stressors to the relationship. Other people accepting us such as family or just the general public. She'll often not want to show affection in public. I'll take it personally. To throw another issue into the mix, she has asburgers. It seems like a codependent and a person with asburgers is the worst mix ever!! I crave affection and attention and want to be her priority, she is often mostly thinking about her own needs. Ahhh! It's so hard. I love her more than anything, but I find myself battling with myself as to whether I should throw in the towel. Will she be able to meet my needs once I've become more of a normal thinker? Will my expectations always be too high for her? For anyone? Can someone please say something? I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread!!!

 
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Old 11-07-2012, 05:14 PM   #2
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ignoreen HB User
Re: a few things... HELP!!!

If you're this upset now, you'll only be worse by splitting up.
Take some space, or ask her if you can get together less often because you are struggling with some of your own issues. She will be upset but understanding, probably.

Good luck *hugs*

 
Old 11-07-2012, 07:40 PM   #3
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Ren1021 HB User
Re: a few things... HELP!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by ignoreen View Post
If you're this upset now, you'll only be worse by splitting up.
Take some space, or ask her if you can get together less often because you are struggling with some of your own issues. She will be upset but understanding, probably.

Good luck *hugs*
Thanks for the reply Ignoreen. We actually did break up about a month ago. It was hard, but it had to be done. I was very unhappy. I know that I am codependent and a handful, but my needs were not being met. I had to end it. It still hurts, but I am feeling a lot better now.

 
Old 11-17-2012, 04:14 AM   #4
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jjmissycat HB User
Question Re: a few things... HELP!!!

Hi, I think what you are doing is for both of you and you should be very proud.
There is nothing worse being in a relationship and being miserable..leaving was the best thing but i know so very painful (I am sincerely sorry you are feeling any pain) I my relationship i thought i could fix my hubby. He has bipolar but he is a strong minded stubborn guy and he dosen't let much get to him. He has a great job, lots of friends there and 2 kids 16 and 21 {who is moved out} He thinks my daughter is his little princess and would never say one thing to her to hurt her feelings but with me constant fighting when i beg him to see his phych doctor he quit 5 years ago when i got permantly sick. It was my fault for being sick everything was my fault, so much emotional abuse. I wanted to leave so bad but i had nowhere to go..my daughter loves the attention her dad gives her my son hates what he does to me.
Like your situation you were able to get out and start a whole new life just being yourself although feeling so much mental health pain i promise you that you did the right thing Keep going to this therapist and get your life back and btw being gay and anyone reading this it is nothing to be ashamed of, love is love accept or don't.
I never had that problem when i see 2 people really happy same sex and all it makes me happy That should be for everyone. When things straighten out for you love will find you again and it will be so much better because you have had sessions with a therapist and know how to handle situations better..I am going to wish you all the best of luck and a life time of happiness always tc I wanted to give you a hug but i didn't know how

Last edited by jjmissycat; 11-17-2012 at 04:17 AM.

 
Old 11-17-2012, 04:18 AM   #5
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
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jjmissycat HB User
Re: a few things... HELP!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by jjmissycat View Post
Hi, I think what you are doing is for both of you and you should be very proud.
There is nothing worse being in a relationship and being miserable..leaving was the best thing but i know so very painful (I am sincerely sorry you are feeling any pain) I my relationship i thought i could fix my hubby. He has bipolar but he is a strong minded stubborn guy and he dosen't let much get to him. He has a great job, lots of friends there and 2 kids 16 and 21 {who is moved out} He thinks my daughter is his little princess and would never say one thing to her to hurt her feelings but with me constant fighting when i beg him to see his phych doctor he quit 5 years ago when i got permantly sick. It was my fault for being sick everything was my fault, so much emotional abuse. I wanted to leave so bad but i had nowhere to go..my daughter loves the attention her dad gives her my son hates what he does to me.
Like your situation you were able to get out and start a whole new life just being yourself although feeling so much mental health pain i promise you that you did the right thing Keep going to this therapist and get your life back and btw being gay and anyone reading this it is nothing to be ashamed of, love is love accept or don't.
I never had that problem when i see 2 people really happy same sex and all it makes me happy That should be for everyone. When things straighten out for you love will find you again and it will be so much better because you have had sessions with a therapist and know how to handle situations better..I am going to wish you all the best of luck and a life time of happiness always tc I wanted to give you a hug but i didn't know how

 
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