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Old 12-12-2012, 10:58 PM   #1
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He has destroyed me.... Desperate advice needed

I am struggling to determine whether my ex is an Narcissist.
He left his ex for me a year ago and moved straight in with me and my daughter. Within 2 weeks he had persuaded me to take out phone and PC contracts for him in my name (he said he had no credit rating)
I paid for 3 holidays this year with the promise of him paying me back, he took loads of cash off of me too and there was always a reason that he could not pay back.... He always lost jobs because of than his own fault.
Whenever we rowed, it would always be my fault! He started getting verbally and physically violent but would never apologise.
None of his stories made sense... He would brag about being in prison a few years back and how he was an ex marine.... He would tell everyone this within 5 mins of meeting them? But dates did not add up!
I caught him lying so many times, he left me once and a bottle of champagne went missing... I asked him why he would take that as he hurt me enough by leaving and not paying me back? He said it broke and got angry that I suggested he took it... When we reconciled a week later I found the champagne at his parents house... He even tried to give it back to me as a gift for breaking the other one... But I worked out it was the same bottle? Caught out! And he tried to act as if he was doing something nice for me when I was right all along!
I have shamefully found myself begging for his return, but he just ignores me!
10k of debt in one year and last I heard he was swanning round with the latest gadgets whilst I am paying off his debts in my name.... How can he not feel guilt? He old not even give me my phone back.... He said it got broke but I know he has sold it.....
I have been off work for 3 months with depression over this and he is off on holiday to New York tomorrow.... What about my money?
How can he not feel guilt?
How can he be so happy after what he has done to me... Everyone at the pubs loves him, his family blame me... I want to scream... Nobody believes me.

I still want and love this man..... What is wrong with me?
Is he a narcissist or have I come a cross this to try and find an answer.....
Will he contact me again?
Not heard from him for 4 days since I texted him to say I have realised he does not love me and I will leave him alone now... Thought he would reply but has not...
Please help me, I am rock bottom.

Last edited by Administrator; 12-13-2012 at 11:26 PM.

 
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Old 12-13-2012, 06:23 AM   #2
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Re: He has destroyed me.... Desperate advice needed

Hon, I think you need to devote yourself to just loving your sweet young child right now. This man is not good for you. It doesn't matter what you may want to label him, you shouldn't be wanting him back. Please take this time to get your head straight and be the best mom you can be, to your child.

 
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millieann (12-13-2012)
Old 12-13-2012, 08:10 AM   #3
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Re: He has destroyed me.... Desperate advice needed

Your ex is a user and a liar, plain and simple. He has used you to get what he can and now he is gone. I can't understand why you would want him back, if he loved you he wouldn't do these things to you and he's probably told his friends and family lies about what happened to get them on his side. Think about your daughter and what sort of example this is for her too on how women should be treated. You are better off without him, and as much as it stings, he's not going to give you any of it back. It's time to just accept the truth about this guy and make a decision to move on and not let him back in your life to use and hurt you more. Focus on yourself and your daughter, you don't need this.

 
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millieann (12-13-2012)
Old 12-13-2012, 11:22 AM   #4
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Re: He has destroyed me.... Desperate advice needed

You are not alone, there are millions of women in the same situation. You are a wonderful caring person and unfortunately you have low self esteem. As a man who has been around I can spot low self esteem women in a minute. Some men even go after them. The pattern is the more horribly they treat a woman the more she clings to him. You are right, he only loves himself and not you. When you throw him out he will plead with you and profess his undying love but it is just a ploy to keep you in his power. After you finally get rid of him and your emotions settle down you will truly see him for what he is. I agree with the other posters to focus on your daughter and when this is finally over the two of you might go on a vacation together. All the best

 
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millieann (12-13-2012)
Old 12-13-2012, 12:06 PM   #5
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Re: He has destroyed me.... Desperate advice needed

please read the book co-dependent no more, it helped me......
we need to stop putting everyone elses needs above our own and look after ourselves. Why would you beg for this man to come back? hasn't he done enough damage? Actually you are partially to blame.....you need to learn to say no.....that's part of the co-dependent people-pleasing mode.....we never want to say no. You should have said no to the phone contract, no to paying for holidays, etc. Let him fend for himself.....
First step in fighting co-dependency......don't play the victim. You're responsible for your choices. He couldn't have done all this to you if you wouldn't have allowed it. Time to toughen up and start worrying about YOU.

 
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millieann (12-13-2012)
Old 12-13-2012, 05:47 PM   #6
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Re: He has destroyed me.... Desperate advice needed

Just be thankful that this psycho is out of your life. These people are not human as we understand it. Have NO CONTACT with him, count yourself lucky if he stays away from you. It is a shame that he took you for so much money, but it could have been a lot worse. Sera

 
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