This might be a novel, sorry
. I just need to get it out, ya know?
I am almost 22. I got my silicone implants 3 days after my 20th birthday (even though you legally must be 22 to receive silicone, my surgeon found a loops hole because my breast were uneven, it was "reconstructive" and the board let me slide). I went from a small A/aa to a C cup (275cc and 300cc)and haven't been happy since week 1. They didn't feel like me and still don't. After a couple months I had capsular contracture in the right breast and bottomed out in the left...now I know this was my body's way of saying "GET THESE OUT OF ME", but instead of removal, I let the doctor convince me to go in & fix the capsular contracture, then replace them with slightly smaller ones. Even though I knew I hated the implants before I had problems...I convinced myself that I would learn to love them in time. Now, 1 & 1/2 years after my revision surgery and $10,000 later I still hate them
! The right one hurts when I don't wear a bra, I wake up to sore boobs, and most of all they are not me. They look amazing & couldn't have turned out more perfect, but they never have felt like me. They feel heavy and get in the way. I was barely an A, but looking back...they were so perky and cute
! I know if I get them removed they wont look the same unfortunately, but I want them removed removed so bad. I paid for the initial implants, my parents paid for the necessary revision, but now I am a full time student with no money. My mom wont help because she thinks it'd be a waste of money because "they look perfect" and "beauty is pain"(note: she's had implants for 30 years & loves hers). My dad would have understood and demanded I get them removed if I was this unhappy/in pain, but he passed away last year.
Now all I can think about is (you can skip this if you're bored now, hah):
-I do not want to be worse off than I was before (+sagging, scars, deflated)
-My boyfriend of 4 years loves me wholeheartedly and no matter what, BUT I don't want him to not find me sexually attractive with a deflated, scarred rack (love can only go so far under the sheets)...even though sex less fun after my implants in my opinion, now I hate when he touches them.
-The first surgery triggered depression from getting used to a new body, anesthesia, ect...scarred it will happen again.
-I've googled too much so now I'm scared that if I don't get them removed, scared I will get an autoimmune disease or brain cancer...I've already got fibromyalgia & CFS symptoms, not sure if it's related to them.
I have found some wonderful sites so it feels good to know that I am not alone! Does anyone have advice? Personal stories? Anyone had theirs removed? If so, did the skin bounce back without a lift? Are you happier now that they are gone? Did your nipples shrink with the breast or stay stretched? Did it hurt? Mostly...how do they look after?