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Old 11-24-2004, 12:03 PM   #1
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Unhappy for anyone who has seen a person pass away

i have posted a few times about my mum who had cancer. she passed away on sunday and as i witnessed it all i have some qs...
The resthome had phoned me on saturday to say she had deteriorated and so I took all the kids out for last visit. They talked to her, gave her a kiss and told her they love her (she didnt respond).
Then I wasnt going to visit on Sunday (hadnt thought end was close) and was out with James (my 8 week old baby) when suddenly was gripped by need to visit. This was about 10am so headed out there. When I arrived was told her breathing had changed and they were going to get another assessment from hospice.
So began my days vigil. Her breathing relaxed again after I arrived, and she did open her eyes a few times..not sure if she registered me, but did reach out ?for my hand a few times. So I spent the day holding her hand, talking to her and kissing her etc.
At 1pm they put a syringe driver in as she couldnt swallow meds anymore. There were periods of erratic breathing but at 4.30 my MIL came to relieve me, and they said she was stable. I told mum I would be back later and not to go anywhere. I phoned MIL at 6pm and she said mum was doing really well and breathing had stabilised steady again. So I got back about 6.50pm. Almost as soon as I had told her I was back the breathing became odd again. Although they told me I could probably go home to sleep that night I just didnt feel that was right. My best buddy turned up about 7.15pm and we were talking when I noticed that mum had opened her eyes really open. I dont know if she registered me cos she didnt seem to react when I got in her face, but her eyes really tracked right around the room a couple of times, then she stopped breathing. I collapsed, hugged her and told her I love her etc, then she took another breath which freaked me out and I nearly hit the roof. A couple of more breaths later she stopped again and this time didnt start again. The nurse was there by then (I had rung the bell after she first stopped) and couldnt find a pulse so said she was gone. He asked if I knew someone upstairs as apparently it was one of the most peaceful passings he has seen, no struggle or discomfort.
I am grateful that she wasnt in physical or emotional pain. Just have to get used to life without her now, but it does feel like I am living in limbo waiting until we can all be together again.

so i have a couple of qs for you...do you think mum would have heard/seen me at the end? is it usual for eyes to come open like that right before the end? what could she have been seeing as she tracked her eyes around???any other comments. btw please tell me what you think is true not what you think i want to hear! i just hope they were right that she didnt suffer. I guess i really wish i could know what the experience of it all was like for her, thats what freaks me the most.

 
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Old 11-24-2004, 02:14 PM   #2
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

I was not actually present during the hour of death of my relatives, but there are many reports in the literature about what some people see at the time of death. Of course, we don't know what your mother actually saw as her eyes followed something around the room if she didn't tell you, but there are many reports of dying patients telling someone present that they see their dead relatives or friends, or occasionally angels or a religious figure. Often the dead relative tells them that they have come to get them. In some cases, they see dead people who they dying patient has not even been told were dead.

Do a web search on "deathbed visions" to read more for yourself.

 
Old 11-24-2004, 03:13 PM   #3
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

I've never been present when a person passed away, but I wanted to give you a big ((((((hug))))) as I assume that must be quite an emotional experience. In answer to your question I would pose a question for you - what does your faith/spirituality/morality tell you about your mother's passing?
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Old 11-24-2004, 05:37 PM   #4
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

You don't even need their words to tell you that your Mother wasn't suffering. You were there and experienced it with your own eyes.

Even in a coma, people do relay their discomfort. My Mother, who passed away in 2000 was in a coma first and had discomfort. It was easy to see it in her face, much like when she was alive and well.

It is my personal belief that up until someone is gone, there is still something connecting them with the normal things in life (like moaning, crying, screaming or making faces when in pain).

It sounds like your Mother had as good of a passing as could be expected with all things considered. And best of all is you were there at the crucial moment to experience it yourself - so you don't even have to take someone else's word for it. Your own eyes, ears and heart are all you need.

Let your own experience be your comfort. Bless your Mother and bless you.
-Dennis

 
Old 11-24-2004, 06:53 PM   #5
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

I'm guessing your mother sensed your presence in some way. As far as what she was seeing right before she passed away, it sounds like the description of my grandmother right before she died. She opened her eyes wide, like she couldn't believe what she was seeing, then passed away. I'm guessing she saw something from the other side. I've heard other stories like this one before. I heard a story of a little girl dying who actually sat straight up in bed, looked around the room and said "which way do I go?", then immediately died. Your Mum is still alive somewhere, I'm sure of that.

 
Old 12-09-2004, 01:35 PM   #6
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

Hi,

I work in a personal care home for seniors, and have seen many people deteriorate and pass away. I believe that she saw you, as the senses of sight and hearing are often there until the very end. I think it sounds like your mother passed peacefully. And as someone in the "business" (not to sound brash), it makes me happy to hear of someone sitting vigil with a dying loved one. As too many times have I seen people go into the next life alone.

All the best to you. My thoughts are with you.

 
Old 12-11-2004, 12:20 PM   #7
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

Ive heard that when someone is about to pass, they see their deceased relatives, and they watch them, in some cases talk to them. atleast we know, that when this happens, which it sounds like it did to your mother, theyre very happy. but, that story made me cryim so sorry for your loss mate

 
Old 12-12-2004, 08:48 PM   #8
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

I was there when my Father passed away. He was in the hospital for 3 days and I spent every moment with him. When the nurse said he was dying, I held him and to my surprise he opened his eyes and looked at me. I told him how much I loved him and that Mom would be taken care of. He then closed his eyes and he became very pale. He took 3 breaths that were "different" then he was gone. Looking back I believe he was already gone while his body was taking those last breaths. My neice put her head against his chest and could still hear his heart beating and the nurse told her it would stop soon and it did. I was so haunted by this for months. I don't believe he suffered. The nurse said it is common for the patients to suddenly open their eyes right before they die. It's like they are saying good-bye. I don't know if he was able to hear me before that. The nurses said he could, but he didn't respond to me before that.

 
Old 12-12-2004, 09:03 PM   #9
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

I also believe that they see something. My mother worked in a hospital and said when people were about to die they would reach out their hands as if to hold someone that was standing there that we could not see. Maybe it's a transformationd between body and soul, she may have been trying to see with her own eyes when she needed to look through the eyes of her sould and I do agree that someone is waiting to show them where to go. Energy just does not disappear from someone. You are a physical part of this woman...another piece of her soul. She knew you were there, maybe that's why she was at such peace. I'm glad you were there for her. Sorry she is not there in body anymore but she will be around in spirit. Lots of love to you in your time of sadness

 
Old 12-25-2004, 07:49 PM   #10
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

First, God Bless and comfort you. I have been present at 3 deaths of loved ones. 2 were peaceful and one was not. The one that sounds most like your experience was a beloved mother-in-law who was as much a mother to me as anyone could have been. Well, on the day she died she was in the hospital hooked up to every machine you could think of but was mentally alert. She was in a lot of pain through her ordeal but near the end her tensions began to fade. (she had asked me before she became so sick to promise to stay by her side if she became terminal) I would ask her questions and she would either nod or close her eyes to respond. About an hour before her passing, her hands tied to boards to stabilize her IVs, her eyes flew open extremely wide and then squinted. I asked her "are the lights too bright?". She shook her head no then raised her index finger and pointed toward the ceiling. A chill and peace came over me at the same time. I asked her "Is THE light bright?" She slowly closed her eyes and nodded yes. I do not know your faith, but for us that was a sign that the light of heaven had opened for her. She passed within 1/2 to 1 hr after that. It was a peaceful, bitter-sweet passing I will never forget and to this day gives me chills as I remember her with love and thank God for the gift of having her and being present at her passing.

I hope this gives you some peace and comfort. It definitely sounds like your mom was ready to go and was most likely waiting for you to be there with her when she passed. So, I believe she knew you were there and appreciated your presence. God Bless and take care. Don't be afraid to allow the grieving process.

 
Old 12-26-2004, 06:43 AM   #11
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

my grandma passed away the same exact way you said ( she didnt see you but she heard you ( your mums mind stays sharp ) but the vision no one can coat with .. she felt that hug u gave her ( and thats good you did that .. shes fine right now

 
Old 12-28-2004, 04:54 AM   #12
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

A friend of mine told me he witnessed a death of someone and he told that at the time of his death he talked and said "Everybody calm down, they have come to pick me up" and the person died. This was a religious person. How would be then a death by a car accident? That should be so quick I don't think you have anytime for a vision.

 
Old 12-28-2004, 11:48 AM   #13
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

I'm having a painful time remembering my mom's death.

I was called by the hospital saying that "I'd best visit"...I drove 100 miles and went to the hospital...I'd been there several times before in the previous weeks.

My mom was staring wider eyed than I had ever seen her stare out a window over her right shoulder...as if looking at an Incarnation. I tried to talk and she ignored every word , there was perhaps hatred in her eyes staring throught the window, perhaps numbness, perhaps coma.
I talked and she didn't respond by look or any word...only staring at the window (blinds partly closed) as wide eyed as inhumanly possible.
I closed the blinds completely...and then thought a moment about the calling white light that I'd heard about and experienced at near death times.

I reopened the blinds in deference to that thought.

Net was she didn't acknowlegde me for a moment...She was consummed by SOMETING OTHER......I thought best to let her be; that's the moment of death I'd prefer, a time to JOIN whatever is...and no earthly prattling.

I left the room and they called me 3 hours later...she was dead.

I wish I'd stayed and I'm glad I left...I'll never know which!

Last edited by Lenin; 12-29-2004 at 06:24 AM.

 
Old 01-03-2005, 01:00 PM   #14
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

Hi everyone.

My mum passed away on the 23rd December at 9:50pm. My dad, my husband and I were all there at the end. She was sedated in the last day of her life, but the nurses told me that she could still hear me. (i totally belive this as i work with animals and know that when they are sedated a loud noise can still disturb them). I told her how much i loved her and that i would miss her. I also promised to look after dad for her!
As the end came, her breathing grew shallower and she became colder to the touch. She did not fight it at all, she just let it take her. In her last moments she opened one eye and looked straight at me, and then she was gone. It was the most peacefull thing i have ever seen. It was as if she just fell asleep.
Twice during the day she had come close to death, the whole family was there except me. I had to travell a long way to get to her and it takes a few hours. On the occasions when she nearly died my dad held her hand and said to her that i was on my way and to hold on and she would get to see me. Bless her, she fought to stay and see me one last time!
I miss her more than i can possibly put into words. And i love her so much.

I belive she saw me before she went. And i belive she is still around in spirit ocassionally. She visited me on christmas day. I could feel her presence so strong.

time will heal.

 
Old 01-03-2005, 08:26 PM   #15
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Re: for anyone who has seen a person pass away

My Grandmother Passed Away From Ovarian Cancer And I Went To Relieve My Mother So She Could Rest A Bit. Grandmother Had Been On The Edge For About 2 Days. I Went In And Took Her Hand And Was Sitting There With Her When She Began Talking To People In Her Life. Her Speech Was Almost Incoherant. After About 30 Min Of This I Called My Mother To Get Back To The Bedroom.( We Brought Her Home As Per Her Wishes) She Must Have Been "reliving" Parts Of Her Life. She Began Reaching Up As A Child Does When They Want To Be Held. Every Now And Then She Would Say "could You Please Help Me Up?" I Was Only 15 At The Time And Tried To Make Her Comfortable. After About Two Hours Of This Wanting To Be Helped Up She Looked Up At The Celing And Her Eyes Became A Look Of Awe. She Then Looked At Us And Said " I Am Gonna Go With Them Now, I'll Look For You When You Come Up Too" This Caused Me To Believe That There Are Angels. She Went Very Peaceful. And I Belive That They Do See And Hear And Emotionally Are Responsive Right Up To The Last Breath.

 
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