My Mom passed away - Death & Dying Message Board

tmarie · 11-26-2004, 07:17 PM

4 1/2 years ago and now my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2 weeks ago. My mom had fibromyalgia severely and could not take the pain any longer so she did what she had to do. It was tough but we (my dad and brother) totally understood why. Well, I went through a depression and got counseling and was put on meds. I got through it. My mom was my very best friend.

She was 57 and I was 34.

2 weeks ago my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The outlook is not good at all. I cried and cried when I first found out but now I feel like I am in denial. My brother lives with him so sees what he is going through but I tell myself my brother is making it sound worse than it really is. When I talk to my dad ( I call him everynight) I ask how he feels and if he says something I don't want to here I try to make it seem like it is something else. I know I am in denial. I can't stand to lose another parent again

Why is life so hard.....

Soulcatcher · 11-26-2004, 07:43 PM

Wow that is very hard....They are very young. I can tell you all kinds of cliche's but I wont'. It sucks and that's the bottom line. The body's that we live in are only for a short time, just capsules if you will. Then we move on to something better. I believe in angels and I have seen them. This isn't it.....there's more. If your going to be sad...then be sad for any pain that he or anyone else on earth has to feel. He will be free of any pain. He will finally be with the one he loves. Your mother will greet him right away and they will be friends once again. As far as us here left on earth it's hard because we physically do not have them here but their presence you will feel. Maybe you smell your mom's purfume or just her own smell, maybe you feel her hand touch your head when you lie down to sleep. Your father will let you know he's ok too. Don't worry about them when they are gone. Just spend as much time as you can and let him know that you love him which I'm sure he already knows. They will be with you everyday I promise you. He knows you hurt from your mother and I know he doesn't want you hurting this way again. Find peace with each other for all the days that you have left. I am sorry for your hurt....but your heart will know they will both be just fine....You'll see them both again. Lots of love. ^i^

AvaTaylor · 12-11-2004, 09:59 PM

i too believe there is something else beyond this earth. how can this be it? think about how we got here in the first place. the body is too complex. if you think about it, every person has a soul and when the physical body dies the soul goes elsewhere. i am so sorry to hear about your mom and dad, i feel terrible. i, myself, don't understand why life is so hard and why it can hand you such ugly things. i wish that life could be perfect. you are always going to have to deal with hurtful things in life no matter who you are it seems. i know that there is something better afterwards. you just keep hanging on and know that each passing day only means you are getting closer to the day that you will all be together again

wishn · 12-22-2004, 10:15 PM

My heart goes out to you. Please be careful and don't run yourself down and become ill. Two years ago my dad was suffering terribly. It took the doctors almost a year to figure out he had cancer. When they did in October he didn't have much time. It took him in February. I slipped one day rushing to the hospital to be with him in January and landed on my back. With the stress of worrying about him and the fall I became ill with fibromyalgia. I experience your mothers pain everyday and understand your worry and hurt regarding your dad and mom. You can very much see that you love your parents very much and that is what is most important. It will get your dad through his illness. Giving love is the best medicine anyone could offer. It's difficult now and you have been through so much, but continue to come to the boards and receive the support all are willing to offer. Go to the fibromyalgia board also. The people are so nice and will make you feel closer to your mom in memory. You can share memories that will help you. With your dad go to the cancer board and work with people who are experiencing the same thing. You may find people who are working through this as well, that their parent is ill. You can be there for them too and that will help you. Support is the most important thing for you right now. Do not feel concerned about how you are handling this news...there is no right or wrong way. Everyone handles it different. When dad became ill I couldn't see that...but in time you will. Take it from someone who can relate to both of your situations.

Take care and you are in my thoughts

Annie