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Old 11-29-2004, 05:12 AM   #1
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daisye14 HB User
Unhappy I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Hi everybody I feel like I am going crazy now and hoping someone can help.I just lost my grandmother three weeks ago.I was sooo close to her closer then I am with my mother, she was always there for me emotionally and she was always so proud of me its like we had this very special connection I cant even explain.I would visit her every week since I was born and I am 25 yrs old now, I got very close to her three years sgo when she was diagnosed with dementia(sp?)and in this past year I was basicly her caretaker because my stepdad had a bad accident and my mom needed to be with him so 2 to 3 times a week I would care for nana.I just feel like it happened so fast, just 4 months ago we had to place her in a nursing home, she always lived on her own with the help of my mom and I taking her food shopping, docters, out to dinner or wherever every week.Anyways I am sorry my post is so long and scattered thats just my brain now I guess.I just feel when she died 3 wks ago a big part of me went with her and my heart feels crushed I cant stop crying even now tears fall down my face.She was my best friend and truly the most amazing woman and she loved me so much always bragging about me.How will I ever move on, I am so depressed now and I am getting pains in my chest and my heart feels heavy.Also I cant sleep at night and when I do I have awful dreams about her.Thanks for listening, take care.

 
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Old 11-29-2004, 04:16 PM   #2
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Ok does anyone have any advise please.Even just a little will help thanks

 
Old 11-29-2004, 07:17 PM   #3
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crisma HB User
Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

It is really tough losing someone you love so much! I think you are just going through the natural mourning of losing someone so close. It is the hardest thing you will ever do! I wish you well and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 05:12 AM   #4
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

I had a Grandma that I spent alot of time with... She even lived just one street over and I was always there. She died of Congestive Heart Failure when I was 19.
I'm 50 now and I still miss her and she is still in my heart. You don't ever really get OVER a loss of someone so special, but Time can roll them up inSIDE your heart and they stay there very comfortably until you do see them again.
Also, my Grandma Ruth is my Guardian Angel.
Not everyone believes in them, but she's there for me even if I can't reach out and hug her...
You're not alone - ever. Those we love are out there cheering us on in life.
My Dad has joined my Grandma now, I miss their hugs but I never ever doubt that the love we shared is still there.

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 11-30-2004 at 05:13 AM.

 
Old 11-30-2004, 11:13 PM   #5
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Dear Ruth thank you so much for your response, I know I will always hurt but every day hopefully it will get a little bit better.I know my nana is my guardian angle too she used to be such a good hearted catholic who prayed for me every day.She is my idle. She was so gifted in touching people's hearts,indepedent(lived on her own untill she was 89)beautiful, she truly looked like a little doll and so fiesty lol.I know your never ready for this I mean her health was good until she fell and broke her hip then she caught phnemonia(sp?)and just a couple days later she passed.I just wish I could have one more day with her even an hour or a minute.Anyways thanks so much for your kind words."hugs"Kelley.

 
Old 12-01-2004, 03:54 PM   #6
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Kelley,
I am so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. From what you've written, she was an amazing woman and someone you were blessed to have in your life. I know you are missing her terribly, but in a way your pain and sorrow honor the woman she was and how important she was to you. Hang in there, and I hope you can find people who will support you through this deep grief. Take care of yourself, sweetie, it will get better.
Hugs, Tintx

 
Old 12-11-2004, 08:45 PM   #7
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AvaTaylor HB User
Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

AWW, really you brought a tear to my eye reading your story. i will always be here to listen if you want to want to let out your feelings. i know that it's so hard to lose someone you love, i am sorry i have not lost someone close to me so i dont know exactly how you feel. but i can almost imagine. i know you may not think so now, but things will deifinitely get better and time will ease your pain. each passing day you will become a stronger person. i really hope that everything gets better for you soon, please take care of yourself

 
Old 12-12-2004, 02:30 AM   #8
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Dear Ava,
Thanks so much for your words of kidness, I know I just need to give my heart time to heal.Its just sooo hard even to have her picture out I just so much as look at it and I burst into tears.I know its weird to think she would last forever but she has always been such a huge part of my life I mean my dads not close to me and my mom and I are pretty close but my nana was my best friend.We always understood eachother so well when I used to visit her she would have tears rolling down her face when I would leave after a long visit, she said dont worry im ok I just always cry when you leave, that breaks my heart thinking about that, I wish I could go back and give her one more hug.Oh well thanks again for your comfort, Kelley.

 
Old 12-12-2004, 03:05 AM   #9
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Hi Daisey14,
You had a beautiful, sweet relationship with your grandma. 3 weeks is not enough time to heal. She was so blessed to have you too.

There are several stages of the grief process, and it may be to difficult for you to go it alone. I highly recommend calling your local hospice. Sometimes they offer free grief counceling to help people get through the steps of grief. I don't think you've had enough time, your pain will begin to ease. But if they don't you should consider seeing a councelor, or perhaps taking an anti-depressant to help you get through this. I am speaking through experience. Sometimes a loss such as yours is too heavy a burden to carry alone........

Just remember what your going through is not abnormal. It takes awhile to heal such a deep loss.

I am sorry for your loss and the deep pain you feel,
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
Nana

 
Old 01-03-2005, 10:46 PM   #10
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skf33 HB User
Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Please remember that nana knows that you were there...
And, she is forever your angel watching over you....
Dementia is a hard thing to deal with, for both the family and the patient...
to them losing their independence is the worst form of humiliation...
I'm certain that she felt loved and cared for by you, her most special girl.
God Bless.

 
Old 01-03-2005, 11:01 PM   #11
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Erika2610 HB User
Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Hello Daisey14,

Your story really did move me. I know exactly what you're going through. I lost my grandfather 4 years ago the week before Christmas from Pneumonia. He was everything to me.. from the day I was born, we were so close.. I was his favorite My mother like didn't even exist when I was born, it was all about me When he died, my world stopped. But you have to realize, your grandmother would want you to keep on going.. happy. She wouldn't want you to be sad for a long time. But trust me, took me a long time to get over it. She's up there looking down on you right now. Just pray to her.. I know it's not like talking to her, but it does do some good. It's normal for you to not be able to put her pictures out now. I still can't look at pictures without bursting into tears. You'll know when the time is right for you. And everybody has a different healing time. Just as long as you know - she is looking down on you smiling, and she is looking out for you all the time. Just pray to her. And if you have a dream, or if you all the sudden see her standing right in front of you, that means she's thinking even more of you. I hope this helped a little bit.. and if you ever ever need to talk, I'm here

 
Old 05-21-2005, 04:02 PM   #12
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

I'm in the same spot--I had my grandmother all to myself in my first ten years, then got to take care of her all by myself for her last 15 years. We had a closer relationship than anybody else in my entire extended family has, with the possible exception of her younger brother, my great uncle. Losing her is like losing one of my legs. I've been pretty angry and confused about it, but I'm pleasantly surprised that my mom seems to want to step up to the plate to fill the void she has left in our lives.

 
Old 05-29-2005, 11:27 AM   #13
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holeinheart HB User
Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Having found my father at 40 years old he died just two years later, he knew he was ill with cancer but wouldnt tell me. I was so proud of my dad when I did find him as he was a really specail man ( we had been kept apart by my lying mother) as his only child, he taught me every thing he could before he went, and I thank him for this .
When he died two days before my wedding I felt I couldnt go on, I had lost all of my relatives by then and had no real family to talk to or be comforted by.
My hubby to be ( now divorced) really didnt understand because he had never lost anyone, or been as close as dad and I in the 'last two years......our only two years'
I wanted to go with him when he died, I felt so low, so bad then............................ I remembered what was written on our family crest ' This house will not surrender' and I remembered how my father had said above all else ' no surrender' under any circumstances to me, your life must go on, you are part of my life, you have to show the world that we ( our family) are strong, hold your head up high and go out into the world...........with me beside you always!
As I sit here writting to you, he is here with me.
When I was stuggleing for money recently , I sat down and said 'what would my dad have done?' I'm now self employed as a writter and about to get a book ( my first ) into print .
I live my life for my dad, in the knowledge that it is what he would want me to do for him.To do my best always.
Dont think for one minute your grandmother will not be there when you need her, because she will be, she will be watching you all your life, and be so proud of you, go on with your life, head high, make her even now proud to be your grandmother, because this is what she would want you to do for her.
Remember ' no surrender' ( they are watching us, both of them ) Hole in heart XXXX

 
Old 06-09-2007, 03:45 PM   #14
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Quote:
Originally Posted by daisye14 View Post
Hi everybody I feel like I am going crazy now and hoping someone can help.I just lost my grandmother three weeks ago.I was sooo close to her closer then I am with my mother, she was always there for me emotionally and she was always so proud of me its like we had this very special connection I cant even explain.I would visit her every week since I was born and I am 25 yrs old now, I got very close to her three years sgo when she was diagnosed with dementia(sp?)and in this past year I was basicly her caretaker because my stepdad had a bad accident and my mom needed to be with him so 2 to 3 times a week I would care for nana.I just feel like it happened so fast, just 4 months ago we had to place her in a nursing home, she always lived on her own with the help of my mom and I taking her food shopping, docters, out to dinner or wherever every week.Anyways I am sorry my post is so long and scattered thats just my brain now I guess.I just feel when she died 3 wks ago a big part of me went with her and my heart feels crushed I cant stop crying even now tears fall down my face.She was my best friend and truly the most amazing woman and she loved me so much always bragging about me.How will I ever move on, I am so depressed now and I am getting pains in my chest and my heart feels heavy.Also I cant sleep at night and when I do I have awful dreams about her.Thanks for listening, take care.

 
Old 06-09-2007, 03:52 PM   #15
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Re: I Feel like My Hearts Broken

Hi, I just read you post, and I'm very sorry for your loss. My nana died on Tuesday, (4 days ago) my mother and I were her caregivers. She was my best friend also. I think I'm in denial about her death, the funeral is this coming Tuesday, and it's just not sinking in. I'm glad she's not suffering anymore as she had bladder cancer, I've just been in this hazy fog ever since. I'm worried at some point it's going to hit me, and I'm going to lose it! She was such a big part of my life. She was the sweetest, most selfless person I'd ever known, and I miss her terribly. I pray to God she's in a better place. I know just how you feel, and I've heard it gets easier with time, I hope that's true. As long as I know she's ok, I will be too. I'm sure you feel the same.

 
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