Guess you could say i'm afraid to love - Death & Dying Message Board

Fata311 · 12-05-2004, 07:37 PM

Lately I feel like I want to separate from people because so many people I know have died. It affects my relationship w/ my gf because I am so protective, and afraid to lose someone else.

I just found out yesterday that my uncle died, and a few months ago I had a friend die from cancer. my mom died when i was five years old, one of my grandmothers and another uncle, and a friend died in a car wreck.

I just feel like i can't take anymore of it and i'm gonna snap if something happens again. thanks for your ears

Soulcatcher · 12-05-2004, 09:02 PM

The scariest part of it all is that we have no control over it either. That's life and for some reason we have to accept that no matter how hard it is. I am sorry for your loses. The older we get the more deaths we will have to experience. It is better to have had those people in our lives even if it was for a short time. I'm not even sure if there is BIG plan for our lives but if there is it's nice to know that these people played a part of the big picture. Maybe something they did or said will help you in an experience in your life or with your own children. I don't know, no one does. It would be said if you lived your life and never loved someone. I think that's the very best part of living. I can't think of any other emotion that's better than to love. The people that past in your life wouldn't want you to cry for them, would they? I'm sure they would want you to love someone or have someone love you. Don't let "death" kill you too.....and I mean that as in ...don't let it ruin your thoughts of having good feelings like love and laughter. Good luck to you.

Ruth6:11 · 12-07-2004, 02:44 PM

I'm betting that the people you loved who have died would much prefer that you give the love you have to live, and live the life you were given.
Imagine that everyone who died is sitting in the bleachers of a HUGE stadium. Watching the rest of us on the field playing the game of life. And they are rooting for us!
Don't you think we should give it our best?

sawbuck44 · 12-08-2004, 07:02 PM

I remember thinking when I was a lot younger that I was lucky I hadn't lost anyone really close to me. I had been to funerals for aunts and uncles that I didn't know well. Then I lost my grandparents a few months apart. A few years later my uncle commited suicide and my mother was the one that found him. It was not a pretty sight. A short time later, my 8year old nephew was tragically killed - car accident. Barely three years later, I lost my oldest brother to lung cancer. And, in between all that time, my husband's mother passed away and his stepfather, and a neighbor who was in a motorcycle accident, a church member who also was in a motorcycle accident. AND if I want to go back further, when I was 14 four of my younger friends (12, 13) were riding in a car that slammed into a tree and everyone died but the driver.

My point is, if I didn't pick myself up after each of these times, I would basically be roadkill by now. There is a grieving process which is normal, but life is normal too as is dying. We have to find the balance to handle both.

Uff-Da! · 12-08-2004, 08:15 PM

The tide comes in, the tide goes out. A seed sprouts and grows, an old plant withers and dies. In spring leaves burst forth, in autumn they fall. Humans and animals are born, humans and animals die. It is all part of the natural process. We are one with the earth. But that is our physical bodies only.

I lost my husband last year. I know it would have been much more of a shock and it would have taken me much longer to adjust had he been younger. He was 83 and had had years of medical problems. But my own belief is that human physical life is just a brief blurb on the spirit's entire life, and really not the most important part of it. To me, the human physical body is not the "real" person. So, though I certainly miss him, I'm not feeling sorry for him at all. I'm certain that he is off doing whatever he is supposed to be doing right now, and he is no doubt much happier than he was in the latter years on this earth. And my own life goes on. And that's okay. I'll join him whenever my mission (whatever that is) here is over. In the meantime I'm going to get every bit of enjoyment out of it I can.

Think through your own spiritual beliefs. You may or may not come to the same conclusions I have. In the meantime, it is normal to grieve. It is okay. It is healthy. Once you come to grips with it, yes, you can love again. Maybe even more so.