My daddys gone - Death & Dying Message Board

Deepinsidemy<3 · 12-12-2004, 05:01 PM

I am 20 years old and i lost my father two weeks ago. I hadnt talked to him in two weeks and i think the last time that i saw him was a month before he passed away. I had been awaiting a phone call back from him when i got a different phone call instead. My mother called me to tell me he had died. He had recently moved into a new apartment(3 days before he passed) so my mother older sister and i had to go to this new strange place and clean it out by ourselves. How do you deal with that? how do you deal with the loss of someone so important to you when it doesnt even seem real? someone tells you 'this is your dads new house' someone tells you 'he died'. I had such a hard time with all of this. I felt like such an awful person packing up my fathers things into boxes and bags and watching some of his things going into the garbage. My father passed away in his bed. My uncles threw the bed away in a large dumpster... I dont think i will ever get taht image out of my head. I felt and still feel like they just picked him up and put him in the dumpster. We still dont know the details of his death and i honestly dont think we will ever find out the truth... Everyday something new reminds me of him, or someone else calls to check on me. I just want to run away to the other side of the world and be by myself for years.

JustK · 12-12-2004, 09:35 PM

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I know how you are feeling. I lost my Father on Father's Day this year. I held him as he was dying. He even opened his eyes and looked at me as I talked to him. I watched him take his last breath, but I still can't believe he is gone.

You are in shock right now. You don't understand why he died and you were there while his belongings were thrown away. I wish I was there with you to help you through this. ((((HUGS))))

Soulcatcher · 12-12-2004, 09:52 PM

I can only imagine how you felt that day. Your old enough to know that the bed did need to be thrown out. Not only for memories but whatever else occured after his passing. Why can't you take alot of things home with you and store them. I can only imagine how hard it would be....almost like...ok he's gone so let's move on. You definitly have to deal with your grief in your own time and don't let anyone push you do get over it or make you feel like you have to forget. Don't get down on yourself for not talking to him either. A phone does ring both ways and even if he was too sick to call or something was up....he would not want you to feel so sad. You can tell you loved him dearly and your very sweet. He's only gone in his physical body...he is still around you if you listen. He can come in dreams, he can come in whispers. I am also sorry for your loss. Try and stay strong as you can. We are here for you. You can also let your family know that your not trying to be rude but you need some time alone without phone calls to let this sink in....It's ok if you do that. We'll be thinking of you.

In His Grace · 12-15-2004, 11:07 PM

Just the fact that you wrote something about your Daddy shows the Love you have in your heart for him, which is something you got from him.

There will be good and sad days thinking about him, but remember the Love he left you and share it with others.

God Bless You.

crazy4veggies · 12-17-2004, 12:59 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a parent is truly one of the most difficult things you have to encounter in your life. I was 18 when my dad passed away four years ago (Dec. 11, 2000) and my life has not been the same since. Please just try to stay as close to your family as possible, talk to your mom, siblings, etc. if you are feeling especially sad. In my case, it has taken me several years to come to terms with my father dying. I chose the wrong way to deal with my grief, please don't let this happen to you. Instead of turning to God for comfort, I blamed him for taking my father away--I did things I never thought I would do in my lifetime, things I am ashamed of now. Just very recently, I was fortunate enough to find a loving church with a very compassionate pastor who talked me through a lot of the anger and depression I was feeling to rededicate my life to God. I can't tell you how much lighter I feel since that happened. Anyway, I wish you the best in everything and my prayers are with you through what will be a difficult holiday. Always remember like someone said earlier, your dad will always be with you, you'll always be his little girl, nothing will ever change that

God Bless You!!