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Old 01-15-2005, 01:56 AM   #1
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Ovarian Cancer and Dying

I am 44 years old and after 5 long months of pain and suffering in February 2004 I was diagnosed with III stage Ovarian Cancer. I underwent an extensive surgery on March 10, 2004 and had a difficult recovery but was bound and determined to beat this horrible disease. I began chemo in April and completed 8 rounds in September. I have had a great outlook and attitude until about a month ago. My faith and hope have been high and I was really feeling blessed. Now that I am recovering from chemo and reflecting upon the past year, I feel dark and hopeless. I am a Christian and my faith is not as strong as it was in the beginning.

I have experienced many aunts and uncles dying from various types of cancer and what I recall about each incident is that they all seemed to get better (as I am now), but it always came back and in the end was fatal.

I was just wondering if anyone else out there has had similar experience with cancer? I don't know why after everything and I feel that I have beaten it - even a miracle - but still feeling dark and hopeless. Every little cramp and pain that occurs in my body now brings back a rush of anxiety and fear.

As I said, I am a Christian, in the beginning was even almost unafraid to die - but now - I just feel like a coward and very fearful.

 
Old 01-15-2005, 06:37 PM   #2
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

Hello...I hope your feeling better today. I am wondering after the sickness, stress, chemo, faith, and being strong.....if you have become depressed somewhat. You have been through alot and you need support. Emotional support at that, a group who has gone through what you have and have experienced remission and recovery. It might help alittle here, but you should talk to your doctor because you have been through a tough battle and now that you can breathe alittle easier, you can let your guard down alittle and be able to feel the emotions that you have kept buried so deep while battling cancer. Depression and anxiety may be some of those factors that you have to deal now and you will need the profession of a doctor, maybe a psychologists as well, friends, family and of course, people who have been in your situation to help you put this behind you and move on. You have great concern too, about your family and their battle with cancer, which they have since passed. This is a real concern because alot of cancer seems to be hereditary(mom or grandma might have had cancer or ect)With technology today, if it does return, Im sure you will have the best of care and have a better chance of beating this monster again. Your a brave brave person, but even the brave need alittle help now and then. God Bless you and dont be afraid to talk to your doctor about your feelings....its normal and needs to be addressed. God Bless

 
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Old 02-01-2005, 05:59 PM   #3
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

Hi there,

Sorry to hear about your cancer - ovarian cancer is a really nasty disease. My 74 year old mother died from it a month ago. She was not able to be treated with surgery or chemo at all and only lived for 9 weeks after her diagnosis. Hopefully more research and awareness will come about for ovarian cancer, as it is somewhat of a silent killer. Mum had been noting 'trivial' symptoms in the preceeding months in her diary....which is really upsetting for me to read, as I work with a cancer organisation and know the symptoms of this cancer, but she didn't say anything.

Not to sound trivial, but you are lucky that surgery was a possibility - things can always be worse! All the best with your fight, it must be hard keeping your chin up, but please try! Perhaps meditation and taking walks in places you find particularly peaceful and beautiful may help...? A friend of mine told me of a woman in her 70s with terminal cancer who visualised the cancer being washed away in the shower. She had months to live and is still here 9 years later. I reckon the power of the mind is an unknown thing....

 
Old 02-02-2005, 03:56 PM   #4
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Talking Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

Gloomy

I just wanted to say that I am sorry. I was told new Years eve that I have Overian Cancer but instead after having surgery last week, they Diagnosed me with ENDOMETROSIS of the Overy and Kindey. I am famous. I will be listed in Health books. This has never been diagnosed. I was scared when they told me that I had CANCER (70/30 %). I got a 2nd opinion and I am very Lucky. I wish you all the luck and prayers. You may email me at
[ please carefully review the posting rules - no emails ] if you need a friend or someone to talk to
Take Care,
Cheryl

Last edited by moderator2; 02-02-2005 at 06:18 PM. Reason: please carefully review the posting rules - no ema

 
Old 02-02-2005, 06:05 PM   #5
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

c. rupp, are you still following up on this thread?
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Old 02-02-2005, 06:27 PM   #6
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

You know as a Christian woman that the devil puts things out there to make your faith stray. However spiritual you are, you are still human. It is human to fear death or things that are unknown. Every animal has fear of something. My gosh, look what you have been through. My husband is a Radiation Therapist and I was front desk and we have both seen stories of miracles and stories that stunned us for the worst. Our bodies are only capsules here. You were once in your mother womb and you don't remember that because it was the only life you knew...then you came out into another world and the other place you were seems unreal...that's what happens if you were to die...You awake to something that is better then the last. The fact of the matter is we are ALL going to die one day. It's only today that is given to us. People worry about things like cancer and die of a car crash. Nothing is for sure. Feel blessed you have today and live it as if it were your last. Keep that head up and don't let the devil get you down. You find things to be positive about, make differences in peoples lives while your here, smile at people when they walk by...Just be the best you can be for God and for yourself.

 
Old 02-02-2005, 07:35 PM   #7
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

Well said Soulcatcher! There is definitely something far greater that awaits us once we depart this life. It is a great secret, and so many of us have been blinded by this fact by the secular society which we have become. It's important to always have faith in God, and to fervently put our full faith and trust in Him.

May God bless!
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Old 02-07-2005, 12:29 PM   #8
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

c.rupp,

You might find some strength in reading IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING by Gilda Radner.
There's a good website for those living with cancer called GildasClub.
Good luck with your tough battle!

 
Old 02-10-2005, 10:24 AM   #9
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

Quote:
Originally Posted by c.rupp
I am 44 years old and after 5 long months of pain and suffering in February 2004 I was diagnosed with III stage Ovarian Cancer. I underwent an extensive surgery on March 10, 2004 and had a difficult recovery but was bound and determined to beat this horrible disease. I began chemo in April and completed 8 rounds in September. I have had a great outlook and attitude until about a month ago. My faith and hope have been high and I was really feeling blessed. Now that I am recovering from chemo and reflecting upon the past year, I feel dark and hopeless. I am a Christian and my faith is not as strong as it was in the beginning.

I have experienced many aunts and uncles dying from various types of cancer and what I recall about each incident is that they all seemed to get better (as I am now), but it always came back and in the end was fatal.

I was just wondering if anyone else out there has had similar experience with cancer? I don't know why after everything and I feel that I have beaten it - even a miracle - but still feeling dark and hopeless. Every little cramp and pain that occurs in my body now brings back a rush of anxiety and fear.

As I said, I am a Christian, in the beginning was even almost unafraid to die - but now - I just feel like a coward and very fearful.
DON'T GIVE UP!! I was diagnosed with small cell ovarian cancer 14 years ago and I was told I would likely NOT MAKE IT...14 years ago!! I am now 36 years old and when I was told, I had just delivered my second son via c-section - First they took the 5 pound tumor and my left ovary out and then my son. 2 weeks later I was told what I had - it is so rare they had to send it away to get a diagnosis - I went through 6 months of intense chemo and 8 weeks of radiation - I lived the following 5 years in great fear it would return, thank God it hasn't - please don't give up...enjoy each day, each hour you are here and really enjoy it...you can do this, you can live through this, believe me....

-Pillz

 
Old 10-29-2006, 07:56 AM   #10
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

Dear Crupp, I certainly understand what you are going through, although I also understand that it does not help to hear that. Last December I was diagnosed and have spent most of 2006 going through surgery and chemo and am now in remission and trying to recover from the effects of chemo, but am struggling with a positive attitude and wavering strength. Maybe your experiences now are similar to mine as I struggle with depression, even though I never have before in my other 49 years of life.
We have to remember that faith is a gift. Over most of this year, I have been supported by the Lord, comforted and coddled. Now, as I am getting better, some of the responsibility for my well being and sustenance is returning to my shoulders. The result is kind of like getting out of bed on a cold morning. It is warm under the blanket and hard to get up. However, going to the bathroom, going to work or taking care of the kids makes getting out of that warm blanket and putting our feet on the cold floor necessary.
We have been blessed and warmed by His love, and now it is time to get out and bless others. He who loses his life for my sake shall find it. I know you are not strong yet, I am not either. But maybe, if you find a way to serve someone else, you will feel better, too. Just a little, cause you are not well yet either, but it will make the day warmer as you leave the blanket.
As for cancer reocurring and having fear, I understand that, too. I have, up until now, been pretty fearless in my life, but the weakness and dependency caused by the cancer and treatment of same have caused me to be fearful. I am afraid of big crowds and running children because of the neuropathies and balance problems I have. I am afraid of going through this again. As I said before, faith is a gift, sometimes poured out abundantly without much effort and other times coming after a trial of our faith. Fear is the opposite of faith because where there is faith, there is no fear. However, we cannot just will ourselves to be full of faith. However, we can plead with our Heavenly Father who loves us, to bless us with faith so the fear will leave. Depression is a natural result of all your body has been through. Do not beat yourself up for feeling sad and having mood swings. They are normal just as hot flashes and other symptoms of menopause that you so abruptly entered.
Lastly, even the Savior, in the Garden of Gethsemane, payed that he should not have to partake of the bitter cup and God sent ministering angels to help and comfort Him. No one wants to suffer, but allow God's ministering angels, whether in the form of family members or friends or divine messengers, to comfort and care for you as you try to comfort and care for another.
May God bless you in your recovery.
Warmest wishes,
Bonnie

 
Old 11-03-2006, 10:25 PM   #11
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Re: Ovarian Cancer and Dying

I honestly could mirror your situation almost to a "T" regarding my cousin. She too "had" ovarian cancer and has gone through exactly what you have. I called her after reading your post and asked her how she would reply, because she experienced it. She said that what was prevously posted about depression is right in line with what she experienced on the road to healing and that should be your first step in your road to healing next week. She went to a doctor who helped her through that too. (She said that he actually put her on medication and it did help to talk to him for a few months, I didn't ask her how many though.) Cassie said that depression will give you all of the aches and pains and make you feel as bad and sometimes worse. She also said to be sure and keep up with your other doctor to assure the cancer stays behind you as she has done. She said to send you "gentle hugs and support from someone who has been in your shoes." Annie

Last edited by wishn; 11-03-2006 at 10:27 PM.

 
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