On October 3, 1988 my first child was stillborn. Her name was Elizabeth. The Dr's said it was the umbilical cord wrapping itself around itself, like a phone cord. I was not overdue, I went full term and my water broke, and I went into labor, just like a normal pregnancy. When I went into the labor and delivery area, the tech tried to find the heartbeat and there was nothing. After many agonizing hours of repeating tests, we were told that our baby had died inside of me. I was devestated. I was beyond consolation. They doped me up pretty good at that point, and induced labor. I did not look at my daughter, I was so doped up, I chose not too. I wish I had. There was plenty of support, I suppose, from friends and family. We were in the military at the time, and there was plenty of resourses. The one thing that kept me from losing my mind, was just to tell myself that god had his reasons for taking my little girl. Something wasn't right. He needed her more than I did, and when I was ready. I now have 2 children, ages 15 and 11. The best thing I can think of to tell you is to take your time, and don't rush into anything. Please seek support where you can find it, and understand that it was nothing that you did. I wish I could make it better for you, I wish I could give you all the answers on how to make it so, in your head, nothing ever happened. But, to this day, I never forget, I will always remember. I hope I helped you as much as I can. Please forgive me if I made it any worse for you.
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