My dad is dying and I don't know what to do - Death & Dying Message Board

veggie girl · 02-27-2005, 11:02 PM

He has Parkinsons and is now at the stage where he can't move and can hardly converse. Lately he's been having trouble even swallowing and I think he's getting close to the end. Everytime my phone rings I'm dreading being told he's died.

I only see him once a year as I live in another country and travelling is so expensive. I don't know what to do - whether to give up my life in my new country and go back to live with my parents for a while. But, when I am home I just can't bear to visit him much coz I can't stand seeing him like that. I feel so selfish because I can't bear thinking about it. When I do think about it I just sit and sob. I feel like I'm grieving already. I just feel so bad for him being in the state hes' in and feel so bad for my mom who has to see him every day and face losing a husband. Even though we're not close or anything, the thought of my dad not existing any more is beyond my comprehension. I can't stop crying any time I think of him.

What breaks my heart the most is that he's only in his late 60s. He has worked hard his whole life and went into retirement a few years ago - this was suposed to be his time to relax and spend time gardening not stuck in a hospital bed suffering. He's been so healthy all his life and has worked so hard. Its so unfair that he should die so young.

chathamdb · 02-27-2005, 11:20 PM

If this was my father, i would do whatever it takes to be home with him and help take care of him. Im sure your mother is worn out from caring for him and as a daughter , i understand what stress it puts on a family. Do whatever you feel is in your heart. Your dad is sick and he needs you , your mom needs you. Im sure she would appreciate you being there for them both. Good luck and God bless you and your family.

hannasnana · 02-27-2005, 11:31 PM

Hi Veggiegirl,
I know its very difficult to spend time with your father when he is in this condition, but you only have a little bit of time left to share your feelings about him with him. Its a good time to say goodbye, give him hugs and tell him you love him. Your parents do need you right now. I think as you get older, you'll regret not going home when he was dieing.

Prayingmom · 02-28-2005, 02:30 AM

I agree with the others. If you can possible find a way to be there for your mom and to spend time with your dad, I know that you will never regret it. By the way, do you have siblings who live close to your parents? You say it is a far distance and expensive to get back--is there any way those obstacles can be overcome? There are programs where people donate frequent flier miles to those needing them--I don't know of how you find these--but check into things like that.
Thinking of you all.

Tiffyholman · 02-28-2005, 08:05 AM

My mom died on tues. of last week with ALS or lou gehrig's disease, and I took care of her with my Dad day and night since Nov. I wouldn't trade a second that I had with her, she was 55, and yes she was too young to die, but she's not suffering anymore, her funeral is today at 10.......... It will be nice to remember her how she was when she was healthy and so full of life. I agree with everyone else here, get home and spend as much of the precious moments you have left......... I'm so glad I did...... I'll be praying for strength for you, God is the only one that took me through this and he'll take you through too.