last1

Dear ForbiddenFruit: Why do you think you're being selfish. Here what you told us - that you went to school with a person whom you weren't close friends with who committed suicide. There are probably a bunch of us who have experience close to the same experience if not in high school, then possibly college. I think we all wonder "what if..." : "what if I had known him better?" WHat if I had been a better friend?" What if he sent me signals and I didn't pick up on them?" "What if...?" I don't think you're being selfish because you have feellings about this situation. I think the way you cope is by being there is whatever way you can for his family - you could write a letter and let them know how sorry you are for their loss and point out something you remember about him (maybe not that he was a stupid jerk, but try to reflect on something positive). You could start a discussion group at your church and use that as a springboard to talk about suicide, your own feeling or not. You could bring it up to a close friend as a way of finding out if they've ever had those feelings. You could learn about suicide prevention and the warning signs and maybe volunteer for a suicide prevention hot line.
I think there are tons of stuff that you can do and I think that begining by asking the questions you've asked is a good place to start. Hand in there...you'll probably be OK. ANd, certainly, this site is one of the best in which to be available to others and to address your own fears and concerns. cflas.