Scared, Sad and worried - Death & Dying Message Board

Joe2 · 04-30-2005, 02:36 AM

Im 23 and in feb my father who was 58 passed away. He had pancreatic cancer and only knew he had it for 2 months. Since he passed away i have been to the doctor's more then ever before. I have had a pain and discomfort in my lower abdomin for months. I have had a ct scan, xrays, blood work and urine tests. The other day i had a Upper GI test and lower bowel test. I have to wait untill thursday to go back to the doctor's to find out results. I have been worried about getting cancer ever since my father passed away. I have been sick ever since with the pain and for a month i have had a cold. Im so worried that there is something really wrong with me. And i havent really dealt with my dads death i dont think yet. I dont want to worry my mother with my problems. I feel so alone and dont know what to do. I just want to be healthy

last1 · 04-30-2005, 06:17 AM

Joe: First, I grieve with you at the passing of your father.. I know how deeply and what an affect that life can have on own and, when it is gone, we are left with a kind of void that is somewhat indescribable. Sometimes, when we grieve, that grief manifests itself in a variety of ways - some people withdraw, some are angry, some lash out, some just go through life with blank affect and still others assume a symptomatology that creates for us (subconsciously) a unique way of relating with the person who has passed.
You symptoms are certainly real! But whether they are factually true, I just don't know. I don't know if your the type to seek out others to talk about the emotional impact your father's death has had on you. If you are, then I certainly would recommend a couselor, rabbi, minister, etc. Hospice has wonderful programs for family grief and know that there are grief support groups some run by hospitals, hospice care facilities, or community-based organization.
The imporant thing to realize is that the suffering you are feeling, the physical kind, is giving validity to your emotional grief and emptiness. You can move beyon this (when you're ready) and into a new life with the memory of your father to hold onto. But you have to act and you have to be willing to accept the pain and sorrow that goes along with it. Please don't keep us out of the loop. We are all here to help your through this period of adjustment becuase most of us have been through this..God bless and please keep us posted. chris

wmkcolors · 04-30-2005, 07:19 PM

I recently lost my mom to cancer. She was about your dad's age. I've been having a really hard time coping too. I'm anxious and extremely tired all the time. I'm a bit older, so, it was easier for me to just take myself to the doctor. You could make your own appointment too, for a check-up, but I'm sure your mom would want you to be able to talk to her. You could say that you'd just like to have a physical. It's understandable that you'd be feeling concerned about your own health more, especially after losing a parent. Since my mom's death, my family has had a hard time talking about what happened. We are all grieving so much. I think I'm going to have to start therapy, because I've been feeling so depressed. Thanks for sharing your story. It makes me feel less alone.

Red Maple · 04-30-2005, 07:40 PM

I lost both my parents within 6 months of each other. (dad to panceatitis, mom to a sudden stroke). Along with other stresses in my life, ie--working mom and caring for a newborn, moving to new home, loss of my job-- I ended up with many physical symptoms that really scared me. Like you I fell very alone. Eventhough our family finances at the time were very tight, I sought help from a grief counselor. I had bi-weekly therapy for 3 weeks and then weekly for about 2 months. Total of about 11-12 sessions. After my first 2 visits I felt SO much better. Please seek help. It is usually short term to assist you through the grieving process in an emotionally healthy way. Nothing can fill the holes in you life that a loved one leaves, but I know my parents overcame many obstacles for me as I was growing up to provide me a happy, healthy life. The both worked very hard to give me a good home, education, and opportunities to suceed in life. I know how very much I was loved by them both. I felt it important to honor thier wishes after their death by moving forward with my life, rather than allowing myself to become stagnant by grief and fear. Grief counseling helped me to suceed in furthering the goals my parents worked so hard to give me.

Joe2 · 05-01-2005, 09:12 PM

Thanks, i think i will look for help. someone to talk to about all of this.