Angry - Death & Dying Message Board

azblonde · 05-19-2005, 01:13 AM

I know there are stages of grief when some one passes away, but the stage of grief I am in hurts, My Grandmother went in for surgery on April 25th 05, she was having stents put into her legs to regain her circulation so that she could golf and bowl again, she never wokeup, she had a massive stroke in the left frontel part of her brain, it was so bad that it destroyed her brain, she was paralazied on the right side, I went to see her in the hospitial the Dr's said she can reconizes voices, so I stood next to her bed and told her I was there, she opened her eyes, and she was holding my hand with her left hand, the dr said that was a involuntary muscle response, I also found out that day from my aunt that 2 weeks before her surgery she was complaing of blurred vision, and ringing in her ears, she went to the ER and that Dr told her to go home and take an asprin. She NEVER ONCE told her surgeon about her trip to the er or her symptons. Sshe passed away on the 29th, I am very sad, but I am also very angry and I feel bad, I am angry that she did not tell her dr. I am angry she did not tell the hospitial, I feel if she would of said something she would still be here. I know she is in a better place and she is with my grandfather, Has anyone else experienced anything similar, I know it has only been 20 days I have hard time even talking about her without getting angry and start to cry.

kt41577 · 05-19-2005, 01:39 PM

of course being angry is natural, I was angry too when my grandmother died. I was even more angry when my grandfather died from 9 large bedsores from a nursing home-why didn't they check him? why didn't they take care of him? I could fill my life with anger and questions or I could think about all the good times and fun times I had. there are times I still get mad and upset, but it is very natural. But don't let it consume you. No one knows when things will happen, and you can't blame your grandma for not telling the surgeon, she probably didn't think it was a big deal if the hospital told her to go home and take aspirin. To help with your anger-write in a journal, or talk to a friend. my prayers are with you, and I hope you can get passed the anger to relief.

last1 · 05-20-2005, 05:46 AM

Hi! I think I understand...however, people the age of your grandmother (probably close to the same age as my mother) were really taught never to complain. They diminished illnesses and the tragedies in their lives were inconsequential to the bigger things in life. These were people who overcame the Depression, World War II, and eveything else that came their way. I know that you and I would probably have handled medical complaints and issues differently but your grandmother, for good or bad, handled things the way she thought was proper and right for her. She must have been a pretty remarkable woman and for that (and, probably, for so much more) you are truly thankful. My thoughts and prayers are with you. chris

azblonde · 05-22-2005, 01:41 AM

Chris
You hit it right on the head I was talking to my mother 2 days ago It was her mother who passed away, she told me that how my grandmother's family was, I have been having problems with one of my blood test's the dr's have been putting me on meds to try and get my tryglericeds down in sept they were 990 in march they were 1801, I am only 37 my Dr keep asking me if any one in my family has had heart problems or strokes and I was like no, I went home and called my mother and asked her she said no, well it turned out to be not true my grandmother always said that everyone on her side died of natural causes, her brother was at the funeral and told us that my grandmother, my great grandmother, and my great great grandmother all died of the same thing, My grandmother died on april 29 on april 30 I go to the mail and there is all my paperwork and appt time for the Arizona Heart Institute. I was told 10 days before my grandmother died of my problems, then I find out that what I have is genetic, but it took the loss of my grandmother to find this out. My mom was even shocked, now she is really on me to let the cardilogist know exactally what happened to my grandmother. I really do not know if maybe that is why I am angry, or if it just a comination of everything, I am going to have to stop reading over this has made me start to cry. Thank You again chris.
susie