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Old 06-15-2005, 04:30 PM   #1
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cant cope with my dad dying!

My dad doesnt have a long time to live he has an extremely bad heart all his arteries are complety blocked and he is a really bad diabetic, they told us there is no more they can do for him and he is eventually just going to die in his sleep.. I am so depressed over this I dont know how to function with my life anymore this is always on my mind I feel like Im being cheated of everything Im only 24 and I had all the little girl dreams of your dad walking you down the aisle and seeing his grandkids how am I supposed to cope with all of this I dont know how to enjoy life with him anymore because this is constantly hanging over me.

 
Old 06-15-2005, 04:38 PM   #2
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

I feel for you....my dad passed away from cancer 2 months ago and my mom 5 years ago. I was 34 for my mom and 39 for my dad. The only thing I can tell you is to spend as much quality time you can with your dad. I did and that the was the best thing I ever did. My dad and I were not that close but became so close his last few months and it is something I will always treasure. My thoughts are with you

 
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Old 06-16-2005, 03:34 PM   #3
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise98
My dad doesnt have a long time to live he has an extremely bad heart all his arteries are complety blocked and he is a really bad diabetic, they told us there is no more they can do for him and he is eventually just going to die in his sleep.. I am so depressed over this I dont know how to function with my life anymore this is always on my mind I feel like Im being cheated of everything Im only 24 and I had all the little girl dreams of your dad walking you down the aisle and seeing his grandkids how am I supposed to cope with all of this I dont know how to enjoy life with him anymore because this is constantly hanging over me.
Try to treasure the time that you have left with your Dad. My Son Jason died suddenly at the age of 27. I had no time to say goodbye. I know this is traumatic and it should be, but make the best of the time you have left. You will have plenty of time for grief. Now is the time to be with him and love him. I wish my Son was here for Fathers Day, I wish I would have been able to say Good bye. God bless you and your Dad.

 
Old 06-16-2005, 11:13 PM   #4
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Denise98
My dad doesnt have a long time to live he has an extremely bad heart all his arteries are complety blocked and he is a really bad diabetic, they told us there is no more they can do for him and he is eventually just going to die in his sleep.. I am so depressed over this I dont know how to function with my life anymore this is always on my mind I feel like Im being cheated of everything Im only 24 and I had all the little girl dreams of your dad walking you down the aisle and seeing his grandkids how am I supposed to cope with all of this I dont know how to enjoy life with him anymore because this is constantly hanging over me.
I am 40 yr old and lost my mother a year ago to lung cancer and just lost my father this past April. I moved both my parents into my home to care for them in their final days. I didn't think I could do it, but I knew it was what I had to do. Sure some days I would rather have laid in bed and cryed, and some days I did. But I am still here, I am here remembering them and reminding the world that they were here. I am a testiment to them as are my children. Everytime I think that the overwhelming grief is to much I remember that I the child of two of the strongest people I ever knew and I can do everything they believed I could. Don't give in to the saddness, you will someday see them again and when you do you will have wonderful things to tell them. One of them is Thank you for staying with you for as long as they did. God Bless you.

 
Old 06-16-2005, 11:32 PM   #5
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Thank you for the replies Im sorry to hear about everyones loss.. I realize this is going to be a hard thing to deal with and I will probably never get over it but I just have to move past the fact that I didnt actually lose him yet, so I can enjoy our time together..

 
Old 06-21-2005, 06:25 PM   #6
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

I totally know what you are going through. At the begining of November last year my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and spread like wild fire. She died the day before xmas. I did fly down to texas to see her but it was hard. She asked me when she passes away to do her hair and makeup for the funeral(I'm a hairstylist) so of course I said yes. How could I say no, it was her last wish. Luckly I have a customer at my salon whos a doctor and helped me through alot of what to expect and emotions. It was very hard at first, the month anniv of her death, holidays etc. It will be six months in a few days and i'm just getting to the point to where I can talk about it without completly breaking down, but down get me wrong there are still sometimes where I lose it. The best advice I got is to start a journal and write in it everyday, anything and everything you are thinking, felling etc. It helped so much and such a stress reliever. If the are any questions you have you may email me.

Last edited by moderator2; 06-22-2005 at 05:16 AM. Reason: please carefully review the posting rules - no emails

 
Old 06-22-2005, 01:20 AM   #7
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Im in the same seat as you, my mom has CHF, angina, lupus and real bad diabetes. I am 21 she is 48 it gets me really depressed when i think abou it, so i feel your pain also. Im tryin to spend time and have good memories with her. Me and her pushed each other away when my bro died 9yrs ago, thinkin it wouldnt hurt if we werent so close and one of us went. But i know its going to hurt even more, so im tryin to mkae up for the time we have wasted...

 
Old 06-23-2005, 05:17 PM   #8
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

I feel for all of you Im glad that there are people out there that actually understand what Im going threw.. I mean I dont know what is or would be worse a sudden death or one that is drawn out and you have to sit and watch it every single day not know when its going to be your last.

 
Old 07-13-2005, 10:18 PM   #9
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Denise, I have been reading through your post and I am so sorry to hear about your father, How is he doing now,
I will talk to you from experience, I am 32 with a 5 year old and a set of 18 months old triplets all of whom my father adored, my father was dig. with liver cancer in Oct. 2004 and died 3 months and a few days later, I never excepted the fact that he was really sick much less that he would leave me and his grandchildren, so when he passed it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my entire life, but my children have kept me strong and able to deal with it.
Without knowing how your dad is doing at this time I would hate to give any advice after the fact,
but I will tell you that if he is still with you then make the best of the time you have left and please dont take tomorrow for granted. that is the worst thing a loved one can do.
and if he is nolonger with you then take his memories and keep them close as hard as it seems now it will get easier but the missing and the selfishness of wanting him back will not ever go away.
you will stay in my thoughts
Diva

 
Old 07-28-2005, 11:25 PM   #10
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Thanks for writing diva sorry it took awhile to write a post things get hectic sometimes.. My dad is still doing the same I feel for everyone on here that writes to me I feel selfish that I think I am the only one going threw this when I know there are millions of other people who have not been as lucky as I have.. I try to make everyday mean something now I mean I used to have the pety arguments with my dad but those are completely wiped out unless its our good humor bickering which will never leave I just found out Im pregnant also so I just hope he gets to stay around long enough to meet his newest grandchild..

 
Old 07-29-2005, 11:01 AM   #11
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

denise98, if I was you, I will look for another doctor.

 
Old 07-30-2005, 08:05 AM   #12
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

I am so sorry your dad is so ill. You are so right that you must enjoy the time you still have together instead of grieving for him now. I lost my dad three years ago to Alzheimer's disease, my brother to suicide a few months later. I am older than you but death is always hard. Knowing dad would die gave me time to say all the things that I wanted to say. Does your dad understand and accept that his time is limited? If he does do you think you could ask him to write some letters for you and tell him yo will not open them until the time he intended? He could write a letter for your wedding day, a letter for the birth of your first child... If I were dying I think I would want to do that and say all of the things that are too hard to say face to face. Again, I'm so very sorry. One more thing...take lots of pictures. I would give anything for one more picture of my dad or brother. hugs

 
Old 07-31-2005, 09:19 AM   #13
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Hi, I have had him to so many doctors I lost count and its to the point where I think hes just tired of searching and has accepted to live his life out which I cant accept that I tried but I just cant... I have started taking lots of pictures and its sad because you can see the decline in him from looking at previous pictures but as for him writing letters to me I dont think I could ever talk him into it I would love it but hes such a quite reserved person that what little things you do get him to share with you such as his feelings you have to count your blessings with.

 
Old 07-31-2005, 06:31 PM   #14
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

Hi Everyone,

I am new to this site. Im hoping that it will help me cope with my issues. I just lost my dad a week ago to multiple diseases. He was only 57.My heart hurts SO VERY BAD. I mean I knew it was coming but to be honest you can never prepare yourself for this. I read the first thread and I can completely understand what your going through. Believe it or not I'm ojnly 24 as well and I always dreamt of my father walking me down the aisle. I wanted to find that special man so fast that it almost ruined my love life becuz all I wanted was for daddy to walk me down and I knew he was going to pass before his time. Its sad I know but I really was in love, we had a baby so my dad at least able to be apart of his grandson life. The question that I have now is how do I deal with him being gone? In reponse to the first thread. All I can say is cherish every moment with your father. Im sad to say that I regret taking life for granted and not cherishing each moment. I mean you dont want to live like everyday is your last or their last but you kinda find your doing that after awhile. I hope this helps you or whoever. I hope this will help me start the healing process becuz I know my father is in a better place.

 
Old 07-31-2005, 10:00 PM   #15
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Re: cant cope with my dad dying!

I understand exactly what you mean about everything it sounds like me and you have lived out the same life almost its really sad.. I also understand about him being in a better place what truly sad is that it is probably true but deep down I know you cant mean it either because I say that but I wouldnt its just nice to know there not in pain anymore its just so hard watching it.

 
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