I am soooo sorry. I lost my best friend to suicide also, 11 years ago. She jumped in front of a train going 90 mph and was torn to pieces. It was EXCRUCIATING!!!! I've lost others since, including my mommy to cancer, but I don't think anything can be more painful than losing someone you love to suicide. It took me 5 years before I could believe it wasn't my fault. It still hurts so bad. I'm so sorry for your loss!!!!!!
I had this happen to me when I was very young too. My parentís split up back then and my real father basically abandoned us afterwards. I had a very close friend who lived next door who was considerably older like late teens early 20s. He was almost like a father to me. Spending time teaching me things and bringing food when there was none. What a giving and caring heart. I will never forget how bad it felt and also to here all the kids and people at the school talking about him as some kind of druggy witch was a lie. That hurt added to it. I once again was dealt another loss like my dad leaving home at 8. That was over 30 years ago and I still miss him too. I feel so sorry for those they leave behind hurting when they do this. We do sometimes blame ourselves automatically but we should never do this!!!