Hi my mom passed almost 2 weeks ago! I CANT EVEN HANDLE THIS
I am 32 and my son is almost 4. My mom.
..who was my everything was always a part of our lives. She was my best friend. I am an only child. My father who was never really a part of my life became a part of it when my child was born but then 2 years after that he suffered a stroke. A pretty bad one...he need help just to do eveeryday details. My mom bought me a house...was paying the morgage...among other things, to help me out. I was not wearing Prada and Gucci...but my mom pamered me in much other ways. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND!!! AND NOW SHE IS A MEMORY!! I cant even imagin that having to come out of my mouth! How do i handle selling the house? The cars both still owe money on them? what do i do? I AM SO CONFUSED! And being an only child,,,,with no REAL family. I AM LOST!
It was a surgery i was against... but she was determinded. They did it...it was fine but she had horrible back pain afterwards. Kept her for 2 extra days...sent her home on sun.....she died Wen. I saw things I never wanted to ever see for real....AND IT WAS MY MOM. I heard things i never wanted to hear for real......EITHER IT WAS MY MOM OR ABOUT MY MOM! I am so tramatized...i will never be the same. To see all this happen to the one person who has ever loved me so much....uncondionally......And me the same to her! I WANT MY MOMMY BACK! I MISS HER SO! I NEED HER! And I need help!
Just writing all this down and being able to rant made me feel a teeny bit calmer. Im forever crying....and I shouldnt be like that arround my lil man. Cause he keep huging me asing why are you sad mommy? he just doesnt understand. i dont wanna keep telling him...hes too young. I really hope there are others out there and have had a similar expereince and maybe point me in the right directions.....I know every one feels loss...greif....but do you feel scarred? Alone? depressed? useless? not strong? scarred of losing control of everything??!?~!?~
Please write me. I could really use some venting and ranting. And just a shoulder to lean on.........
God, I sound so pathetic....i never was before!