Sorry for posting yet another really long message.
A good friend of mine, who I havent known very long, has a father with (and this is the only explanation I have) a crumbling spine. Kris (my friend) has known his dads dying since he was 4, and doesnt have all good memories of when his dad was well.
Due to the painkillers, and the pain, his dad used to be violent towards him (beatings, etc) from the ages of about 4 till 10. His family dont talk about it- Kris doesnt want to make his dad feel like he's failed him, his mum gets too upset, and all his brother ever says is "it will be okay". They don't seem to be a very close family.
He says that all I can do is be there for him, but I want to make things better, and what do I say when the time comes? Kris cries every time he thinks about his dad saying he cant wait till he's dead. He wants good memories of his dad but the violence overpowers these, and it's not easy to build any new memories. I know theres little I can do, and he doesn't think about it constantly, but I wish I could help. It cuts him up when he does think about it.
I want him to get support from something like these boards but he doesnt seem keen.
Will things get better for him? His dad doesnt have long left, I'm not sure how long, I didnt want to ask. I don't want him to regret not being happy with his dad while he has the chance.
Thanks for any advice you can give me.
Amanda
I think all you can do is be guided by Kris and be there for him as he says. You cannot take his pain away and make things better, it is something he will have to work through I'm afraid. Just let him vent his feelings, it is such a difficult time for him- and for you watching him suffer. Sounds like you're doing a great job already.
Maybe he will consider getting professional help, perhaps after his Dad has died, if not now.
When the time comes all you need to say is that you are so sorry for Kris. A hug is nice if he will feel comfortable with it. You really don't need to say very much, just be there.
Males don't deal with things in the same way as females and he may not want to share his issues on these boards. It doesn't seem as if his family are going to be supportive when they don't acknowledge the violence Kris has suffered from his Dad. Fortunately he has a good friend in you.
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