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Old 12-02-2006, 01:47 PM   #1
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Kinselmom HB User
Too many loved ones have died

I'm feeling overwhelmed and am looking for some guidence. In the last 11 years I have lost 10 family members and close friends. Both of my parents, both of my husband's parents, my brother's wife, 2 grandchildren, a daughter-in-law, a close friend, and the husband of another close friend. This time of year is particularly hard to get thru. The memories of holidays shared with these people should bring me happiness, but instead I am overwhelmed by grief. I've done grief counseling and try to follow all the advice but there are just too many people who won't be here this year!! Any input would be welcome.

 
Old 12-02-2006, 02:04 PM   #2
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Re: Too many loved ones have died

No amount of words can take away your pain or grief so I won't even try. The love you have for these people is evident in your words. They were lucky to have had you in their life. God bless, and I hope for a peaceful holiday for you and your family....

Sid

 
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Old 12-02-2006, 05:57 PM   #3
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Re: Too many loved ones have died

grieving is a long and hard process,
i know that's not very encouraging but youll get though.
its really good to focus on the things you have right now,
such as your husband.

 
Old 12-03-2006, 04:57 PM   #4
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Re: Too many loved ones have died

Kinselmom

I'm sorry for your overwhelming sense of loss, and know how difficult it must be at this time of year. Over the same period of time...11 years...I too have lost all my close family and almost all my friends, one by one.
I have relatives who are still alive....people I may or may not see at funerals, but that is all they are.

I have a 21 year old son....there's no family support for him when I'm gone, and I was diagnosed with terminal cancer three months ago. I'm grateful that he himself has a strong group of friends, good friends, to turn to; but from my perspective, it's not the same as having family to care about him. There's really nobody who I can turn to and say "Look after him for me, keep an eye on him, see that he is alright" and that's hard, it breaks my heart.

Cher105 posted a thread last week, on the cancer board, under the title " A simple test of friends" (or something similar to that) and it made me both smile and cry. My real friends have passed, and the other friends aren't the same. Read Cher's post, and you'll understand. I hope it makes you smile, too, in spite of the sadness.

I suppose I feel a sense of loss rather than grief....I think grief follows a natural progression over time, and you may still benefit from some counselling. Try to make the best of each and every day, and treasure the loved ones who are still with you.

Take care, look after yourself.

 
Old 12-04-2006, 05:31 AM   #5
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Re: Too many loved ones have died

good morning all---I have no words of wisdom but have lost my Dad, my best friend of 26 years, my only sister to suicide, my beloved in-laws a week apart and my middle daughter who was 21 when she passed so i do understand. for the past 9 years my family has tried to be happy and enjoy but the missing have always been at the dinner table and on our minds and in our hearts. you are right it is somewhat a feelingof loss and maybe not grief at this point. this year I am trying to remember them all with love and fondness and to try to not take anything away from the few of us that are left. it is hard but i am working on it. i have been through counseling off and on for 10 years and it has helped tremendously. I'm trying to let them go as it is their right to rest in peace and mine to go on in this life not in their's. my time hasn't come yet. have not been able to form the same kind of relationships because it appears that i have lost those closest to me. I have my husband 2 other daughter and my grandchildren who i love dearly and keep close to me. the sense of loss is overwleming at times. my prayers are with all of you.

 
Old 12-04-2006, 06:38 PM   #6
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Re: Too many loved ones have died

Thank you to all of you who have reached out with sympathy and support. Especially you, ellengrace, to reach out to someone else when you yourself are in such a difficult place. My heart goes out to you and hope that your son will have people around him who can help him thru the future that is facing him. I have found that some of the people who have helped me the most over the years weren't relatives at all, just friends who were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on.
Today is a better day. When I started this thread I had just unpacked all my Christmas decorations which renews all the memories attached to them and the people associated with them. Today is more of a "celebrating the time I got to spend with them" day than a "mourning their loss" day.
I am still in counseling and today we started addressing the grief issues. I think this is gonna be a long haul, but I have a good therapist and am confident I'll get a handle on this.
Thanks again for all your help.
Peggy

 
Old 12-05-2006, 05:39 PM   #7
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Re: Too many loved ones have died

Peggy

Oh,yes! Christmas decorations! Unpacking the decorations and ornaments is something many of us would have to do with a heavy heart. I'm glad today has been a better day, and glad to hear you are in counselling with a good therapist. This forum is a godsend, too.

ICC

I'm sorry that you, too, have lost so many loved ones.
I can relate to what you say about being unable to form the same kind of relationships since losing so many of your loved ones. It's like a self-protective barrier forms, isn't it? And we channel all our love into those who we still have close to us.

You are both in my prayers.

 
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