Natural Peace - thank you for your kind words of sympathy and encouragement.
I understand what you mean when you say that your Dad getting treatments to prolong his life isn't helping his quality of life. When I look back at my Mom's last year with us...that's how it was for her, too. Yes, the treatments kept the cancer from spreading and from growing but she always felt tired and didn't feel like doing anything at all.
We all wanted my Mom to die at home..preferably in her own bed and in her own room. However, my Dad is 73 years old and even though I know that hospice would come in and be of some assistance....we just couldn't afford to have someone there with my Dad 24/7. I, too, have my own children so I could not be there ALL of the time even though I really wanted to be.
I'm not sure how old your children are but if you are able to bring your Dad home, in my opinion, it won't hurt your children to see him die. The reason I say this is because as a child my parents sheltered me from all death and dying. They never allowed me to attend a funeral because they felt it would be "too much" for me. I know their hearts were in the right place but having that kind of upbringing was more hurtful than it was helpful.
Because no one wants to lose someone they love...in our society, death is not a subject that most of us really like to discuss unless we absolutely have to. But, if you think about it...dying is as natural as being born.
The night that my Mom died...both of my children (ages 10 and 14) made their own decision to come up to the hospice facility to tell their Mimi that they love her and will miss her but they would see her again someday. It surprised me that they wanted to do that so now my opinion about children and dying relatives has changed.
My opinion now is to ask the child what they want to do. Give them all of the details of what's going on and what the person whose dying is doing or how they are behaving. Just be completely honest. From there, they can make a decision. (of course, this does depend on the child's age)
When my son asked to come up and see my Mom the night that she died...I was VERY hesitant because I didn't want him to be afraid and I didn't want the last image in his head to be of his Mimi dying. Same thing with my daughter....but my Dad said that if I didn't allow them to come and say their last goodbyes that they may end up resenting me.
When you make the choice of where you think it would be better for your Dad to live out his final days....please don't feel bad if you decide to take him to a hospice facility. As I said earlier, my Mom wanted to die at home but it just wasn't "do-able". The people who run the hospice facilities are SO good at what they do...I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Mom was just as comfortable at the hospice facility as she would have been at home.
I'm glad that by sharing my experience that I've been able to take away some of the fear you had about being present when someone dies...especially a parent. I hope that everything else I've said has or will help you as you continue to take care of your Father. Please
keep me updated on yours and your Dad's situation. My heart truly goes out to you and your family.
Originally Posted by NaturalPeace
I am so sorry for you loss. It is great that you got to speak to your mother at the end and be there. I think that would have brought me peace with some of the deaths I have gone thru over the years.
I have loss many people in the past 10 years and I know how hard it can be. I however don't know the pain of loosing a parent.
I am now caring for my dad as he is terminal. He is getting treatments to try to prolong his life. However it is not helping his quality of life. I have not made the choice yet if I will move him to a hospice when the time comes or not. I am thinking I should as I have children at home and I don't think they should have to watch this happen, at least not in their own home.
You have taken a bit of the fear over the road I am now on out of me. It was all such an unknown to me, now I have a hint.
I wish all the best for you,