It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-06-2007, 06:02 AM   #16
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Chicago, IL USA
Posts: 14
Purdu HB User
Re: Question about when someone actually dies....

I am sorry to hear about your mom. I am sure it is a very difficult time for you right now. I just lost my mom Feb.13, 2007.

I have never been there when someone has taken their last breath but this is what I can offer. My grandma was under the care of hospice and she passed away at home in her own bed. My mom and her brother were with her when she took her last breath and my mom told me it was very peaceful and she was glad she was able to be with her during that time. My mom said her only regret was that when my grandma asked for water my mom didn't give it to her under the advice of Hospice. She always told me if she could do it again she would have given her something to drink because she believed that was her only discomfort.

When my mom passed she and my dad were on vacation. My sister and I flew down to be with our father and help get things together. We had a private viewing of my mom and I wasn't sure if I wanted to attend. The advice that was given to me by my sister and some other friends was "if you don't go you may always regret it but if you do go you might feel some comfort in it." I did end up going and I did feel much comfort in seeing her. I could have stayed with her for hours.

You may be concerned that seeing your mom take her last breath will be the only image you will have of her. For me there are so many other images and memories that of her that last one only pops up occasionally and when it does I have a say it is a peaceful one.

Hope this help and keep me posted.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-06-2007, 07:33 AM   #17
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: United States
Posts: 70
NaturalPeace HB User
Re: Question about when someone actually dies....

Squelch,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is great that you got to speak to your mother at the end and be there. I think that would have brought me peace with some of the deaths I have gone thru over the years.

I have loss many people in the past 10 years and I know how hard it can be. I however don't know the pain of loosing a parent.

I am now caring for my dad as he is terminal. He is getting treatments to try to prolong his life. However it is not helping his quality of life. I have not made the choice yet if I will move him to a hospice when the time comes or not. I am thinking I should as I have children at home and I don't think they should have to watch this happen, at least not in their own home.

You have taken a bit of the fear over the road I am now on out of me. It was all such an unknown to me, now I have a hint.

I wish all the best for you,
Natural Peace

 
Old 03-06-2007, 09:43 AM   #18
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GW
Posts: 20
sally12 HB User
Re: Question about when someone actually dies....

Hi Squelchie,
you are so welcome, keep us posted on how you are doing believe me there will be so many bad days and some good ones in time it will get easier to deal with, this board is so good everybody here knows how you are feeling, hope you are doing ok.
Sally

 
Old 03-06-2007, 04:26 PM   #19
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 57
Squelchie HB User
Re: Question about when someone actually dies....

Purdue - My Mom died on Feb. 22 and I was actually there with her when she took her last breath. Even though I was really sad....I know that it helped my Mom knowing that she wasn't alone and that we were all there.
I was able to spend the last 8 hours of my Mom's life with her here on earth and I wouldn't trade it for the world. When I first arrived at the hospice care facility..my Mom appeared to be sleeping but when I got up close to her face I noticed that her eyes were half open. I gave her a hug and told her that it was me and I *think* I heard her whimper a tiny bit. (It was hard for me to tell because her breathing was so labored at the time) I also noticed up until an hour before she died that her eyes would follow me or my Dad or anyone else that was in the room. Even though she couldn't talk...I know that she was conscious.
From the time I got to her side....I sat next to her bed as close as I could to her. I held her hand until she took her last breath. It was so incredibly peaceful.
My last image of her is not what I saw when she died...she looked SO beautiful at the funeral....she looked as if she had never had cancer.

I am so sorry that you, too, have lost someone that you love. For me, it seems to be getting a little harder each day rather than easier but I think that it's because all of the funeral "hoopla" and extended family have gone home.

Blessings,
Squelchie

Quote:
Originally Posted by Purdue View Post
You may be concerned that seeing your mom take her last breath will be the only image you will have of her. For me there are so many other images and memories that of her that last one only pops up occasionally and when it does I have a say it is a peaceful one.

 
Old 03-06-2007, 05:06 PM   #20
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 57
Squelchie HB User
Re: Question about when someone actually dies....

Natural Peace - thank you for your kind words of sympathy and encouragement.

I understand what you mean when you say that your Dad getting treatments to prolong his life isn't helping his quality of life. When I look back at my Mom's last year with us...that's how it was for her, too. Yes, the treatments kept the cancer from spreading and from growing but she always felt tired and didn't feel like doing anything at all.

We all wanted my Mom to die at home..preferably in her own bed and in her own room. However, my Dad is 73 years old and even though I know that hospice would come in and be of some assistance....we just couldn't afford to have someone there with my Dad 24/7. I, too, have my own children so I could not be there ALL of the time even though I really wanted to be.

I'm not sure how old your children are but if you are able to bring your Dad home, in my opinion, it won't hurt your children to see him die. The reason I say this is because as a child my parents sheltered me from all death and dying. They never allowed me to attend a funeral because they felt it would be "too much" for me. I know their hearts were in the right place but having that kind of upbringing was more hurtful than it was helpful.

Because no one wants to lose someone they love...in our society, death is not a subject that most of us really like to discuss unless we absolutely have to. But, if you think about it...dying is as natural as being born.

The night that my Mom died...both of my children (ages 10 and 14) made their own decision to come up to the hospice facility to tell their Mimi that they love her and will miss her but they would see her again someday. It surprised me that they wanted to do that so now my opinion about children and dying relatives has changed.

My opinion now is to ask the child what they want to do. Give them all of the details of what's going on and what the person whose dying is doing or how they are behaving. Just be completely honest. From there, they can make a decision. (of course, this does depend on the child's age)

When my son asked to come up and see my Mom the night that she died...I was VERY hesitant because I didn't want him to be afraid and I didn't want the last image in his head to be of his Mimi dying. Same thing with my daughter....but my Dad said that if I didn't allow them to come and say their last goodbyes that they may end up resenting me.

When you make the choice of where you think it would be better for your Dad to live out his final days....please don't feel bad if you decide to take him to a hospice facility. As I said earlier, my Mom wanted to die at home but it just wasn't "do-able". The people who run the hospice facilities are SO good at what they do...I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that my Mom was just as comfortable at the hospice facility as she would have been at home.

I'm glad that by sharing my experience that I've been able to take away some of the fear you had about being present when someone dies...especially a parent. I hope that everything else I've said has or will help you as you continue to take care of your Father.

Please keep me updated on yours and your Dad's situation. My heart truly goes out to you and your family.

Many blessings,
Squelchie


Quote:
Originally Posted by NaturalPeace View Post
Squelch,

I am so sorry for you loss. It is great that you got to speak to your mother at the end and be there. I think that would have brought me peace with some of the deaths I have gone thru over the years.

I have loss many people in the past 10 years and I know how hard it can be. I however don't know the pain of loosing a parent.

I am now caring for my dad as he is terminal. He is getting treatments to try to prolong his life. However it is not helping his quality of life. I have not made the choice yet if I will move him to a hospice when the time comes or not. I am thinking I should as I have children at home and I don't think they should have to watch this happen, at least not in their own home.

You have taken a bit of the fear over the road I am now on out of me. It was all such an unknown to me, now I have a hint.

I wish all the best for you,
Natural Peace

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
A question for all you married folk! Colt11 Relationship Health 9 05-12-2007 08:35 AM
Got mad when i saw details of her meds released zoey1 Pain Management 4 03-23-2007 07:39 PM
Question Bellajoon Thyroid Disorders 2 09-09-2005 10:53 AM
Quick Question,any help greatly appreciated! redhd4 Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy (RSD) (CRPS) 11 08-29-2005 07:47 PM
huge question about social security disabililty insurance check ladybug8372 Disabilities 22 07-27-2005 11:09 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (7), slenderella (5), renko (4), rosequartz (4), writeleft (3), EagleRiverDee (3), rudiraven (3), beth468 (3), Ivorygirl (3), katlin09 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (856), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (771), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:11 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!