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Old 03-06-2007, 03:50 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: Virginia
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jprinz99 HB User
questions about how long till death

I have an odd wuestion I need an answer for.

My grandmother is home with us and we have hospice. She recently started moaning nonstop and we have a really hard time getting even a small amount of liquids in her. I know she does not have a long time left with us.

How do you deal with the moaning. Hospice said she is not in pain, that some folks just moan for no reason? It is agonizingly hearthbreaking to hear. Sometimes I have to just go upstairs to get away from it, then I feel guilty about it.

I also do not know how long someone can live without liquids or food, hospice just says it can vary. I feel the need to know the answer from you all, as weird as this sounds. I also have to get my sister ready for "the time" as she is retarded (she lives with us and is our "kid" so to speak).

How do I deal with what I will politely call the #1 grievers... The family members who have not done anything to help out the last four years or even spent any time with her to hang out, talk etc; but now feel the need to be the center of attention. It is almost as if they have to show that they are more affected by this and are the closest to her. How odd! Like there is some sort of competition. I don't need them adding to this right now as it is hard enough to watch her fade, fight back, fade, etc.

For some reason I need help with these issues. Thanks for listening-
jane

 
Old 03-06-2007, 05:40 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Squelchie HB User
Re: questions about how long till death

Dear Jane -

I just lost my Mom to cancer on Feb. 22, 2007. I'm truly sorry that you are going through what I was just going through only a few weeks ago.

My Mom didn't do much moaning but she did do some. I know it gives you an awful feeling but she really isn't in any pain. Don't feel bad if you have to remove yourself from the room for awhile...you need a break physically and mentally.

Of course there is no "time table" of how close a person is to death. However, my Mom stopped being able to take liquids the Saturday before her death. (she died the following Thursday)

Something else my Mom did...the day before she died she got this snap of energy. Prior to that day she didn't talk much, wasn't eating or drinking hardly anything at all. When she had this snap of energy we were able to feed her semi-solid food and she finally was able to take fluids. She could even talk pretty clearly and joked around a bit.

I've read that many people who are dying have a sudden burst of energy the day before or a few days before they pass on. However, some people don't.

If I were you, I would definitely begin to get your sister ready for her Grandma's death.

As for the "#1 grievers"...I would put them to work. Let them sit in the room with her while she moans as long as you know that she's safely tucked in bed and that she can't do any harm to herself. This will allow you to prepare your sister and possibly get some other things done that need to be taken cared of.

I couldn't believe some of the pettiness that went on following my Mom's death so be prepared. Those that are craving attention are doing it because they feel bad for what they haven't done. Try not to let them get to you because your Grandma knows who was really "there" for her when she really needed someone.

Finally, the day that my Mom died...her breathing became shallow and labored...this went on for about 9 hours. However, prior to her taking her last breath....her breathing had settled down and then she went very peacefully.

If I can be of any further assistance...please let me know. I check my email several times a day and I'm subscribed to all of the threads where I try to lend a helping hand. (thought)

Take care of yourself!

Blessings,
Squelchie


Quote:
Originally Posted by jprinz99 View Post
I have an odd wuestion I need an answer for.

My grandmother is home with us and we have hospice. She recently started moaning nonstop and we have a really hard time getting even a small amount of liquids in her. I know she does not have a long time left with us.

How do you deal with the moaning. Hospice said she is not in pain, that some folks just moan for no reason? It is agonizingly hearthbreaking to hear. Sometimes I have to just go upstairs to get away from it, then I feel guilty about it.

I also do not know how long someone can live without liquids or food, hospice just says it can vary. I feel the need to know the answer from you all, as weird as this sounds. I also have to get my sister ready for "the time" as she is retarded (she lives with us and is our "kid" so to speak).

How do I deal with what I will politely call the #1 grievers... The family members who have not done anything to help out the last four years or even spent any time with her to hang out, talk etc; but now feel the need to be the center of attention. It is almost as if they have to show that they are more affected by this and are the closest to her. How odd! Like there is some sort of competition. I don't need them adding to this right now as it is hard enough to watch her fade, fight back, fade, etc.

For some reason I need help with these issues. Thanks for listening-
jane

Last edited by Squelchie; 03-06-2007 at 05:42 PM. Reason: misspelled word

 
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