this is something i need to et off my chest. as all of my family are involved, i hav no-one to turn to. it's not that i need advise, but i need to let off steam.
2 years ago, my granddad died. he was ill after falling at home alot, and taken to hospital. although i felt he would get better., the doctors soon started giving him morphine, and he deteriorated very quickly. there never seemed to be a cause to why he was fading so quickly.
anyhow, at this time i was 8 months pregnant with my third child. my mum was worried about me visiting all the time, as she didn.t want me getting upset. although it was ok for my brother and his gf to every night. it seemed like excuses all the time. "maybe tomorrow, concentrate on your kids", etc, etc.
i began to feel really shut out, as though i didn't matter. i mean i was 25 then, not a kid. i knew what was happening. i just wanted to spend time with him.
i used to go and see him once a week with my mum(she went daily)
, more often if i could. i loved spending time with him. he used to have me in stitches. and he doted on my kids. my brother and his gf hardly ever saw him. 3 times a year possibly.
so, it was at the stage where he was basically in a coma. i went to see him. although my mum wasn't staying long that night, as her sister was visiting that night to let her have a break. so i got about ten minutes with him. it hurt so much.
the next night about 9pm, i got the call to say that it was very close. i sat up in tears with my dh. we are not a big family and to think that everyone was there as he passed away, except me is so hard. i am near tears now.
why was i shut out so much. all i wanted was to be there. was it so much to ask. YES i was pregnant, YES i had the other kids. is that the only reason???
my mum is still grieving, and i don't want to bring up the subject. i just wish i knew.
sorry for such a long post, it feels good just to let it out.