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Old 06-07-2007, 03:48 PM   #1
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holly45 HB User
Lost good friend, afraid I lost too husband

I lost a good friend almost a year ago, I never felt so much pain in my life. I had lost people I was close to but maybe it was the fact that not only was he my friend he was young (26), it was sudden, and he was one of those few people in the world that just made it a better place. What makes this harder is that he was my husband’s best friend and only close friend. My husband made life plans around him and he did the same for my husband. When all his friends were moving on in there lives this friend stayed. They were very close and he is lost without him. His friends have been little help, the only ones who really could help are too self-absorbed or living in another state. Only one friend has even really been there, but I don’t think she is in a place to be there for him the way he needs. Every time something good happens there is always this hallow feeling, and I can see it in his eyes. He has stopped, he goes through the motions of every day life but I know they mean nothing to him anymore. From the beginning he has tried to remain strong for others, we have tried our best to support his friend’s family and be there for them. He also looked at the photos from the accident and I know they only make it worse. (It had to be done and better him than the father)
I know he would never seek help, and he will not take any meds, I know not to even ask. I just want to be able to help him, because it hurts so much to see him like this, I can’t imagine life without him and to see him like this just kills me. I wish I could just trade places with his friend because I know he would be much better at this than I am.

Last edited by holly45; 06-08-2007 at 12:22 PM.

 
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Old 07-03-2007, 03:32 PM   #2
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peikkopoika HB User
Re: Lost good friend, afraid I lost too husband

Dear Holly45,

I'm so sorry to hear of you and your husband's loss - it is so tragic and even sickening when someone so young and especially the way you describe him, just dies.
I'm not really sure what to say except that all you can really do is to stick by your husband, who must be so upset, and at the same time giving him space to do his own thinking and contemplation.
It is funny that the only thing we can ever be sure of, death, is something that we all avoid so much - even though there is no one that has ever escaped it - no matter how nice, compassionate, rich, strong. Use this as an opportunity to discuss death with your husband and to become at peace with it - it might be good for both of you.
May you and your husband find every happiness under the sun.

 
Old 07-04-2007, 04:18 AM   #3
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sally12 HB User
Re: Lost good friend, afraid I lost too husband

Hi Holly
Sorry for the loss of a good friend, it is very hard to deal with death but when it happens suddenly it is such a shock I lost my mum 2 years ago to sudden death she was not sick at all it is very hard to accept, and takes a long time to get over if we ever do, when my mum died I was the same, just be there for him and let him know you are there if he needs to talk everybody is different, I still have never talked about my mum dieing but I know when I am ready my husband is there and that keeps me going just support him as best you can

 
Old 08-04-2007, 01:55 PM   #4
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kandr73 HB User
Re: Lost good friend, afraid I lost too husband

I really know where your coming from, but from your husbands point of view. I lost my ex husband, (my husbands and I best friend) Not only suddenly but tagically. He was murdered. My husband has been telling me for a year, that he is losing me to this. For awhile, I really think he was. I was just going through the motions of life, but Ive been lost. I loved this man, even though we had been divorced for 10 years, he was still close to me, and my two kids dad. He had just cleaned his life up(sfter using drugs) and was staying with us. It literally broke my heart when he died. I was the first person they told. Five detectives and a chaplin showed up at our front door. Then I had to tell the kids, it has been a nightmare, the year date is coming up (he died on my b-day) and Im not sure if Im gna lose it all over again. Im pretty much lost all the time anyways, it seems. I wonder if it ever gets better? I miss him sooooo freaking much!!!!!!

 
Old 08-04-2007, 02:11 PM   #5
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sobia1 HB User
Re: Lost good friend, afraid I lost too husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by kandr73 View Post
I really know where your coming from, but from your husbands point of view. I lost my ex husband, (my husbands and I best friend) Not only suddenly but tagically. He was murdered. My husband has been telling me for a year, that he is losing me to this. For awhile, I really think he was. I was just going through the motions of life, but Ive been lost. I loved this man, even though we had been divorced for 10 years, he was still close to me, and my two kids dad. He had just cleaned his life up(sfter using drugs) and was staying with us. It literally broke my heart when he died. I was the first person they told. Five detectives and a chaplin showed up at our front door. Then I had to tell the kids, it has been a nightmare, the year date is coming up (he died on my b-day) and Im not sure if Im gna lose it all over again. Im pretty much lost all the time anyways, it seems. I wonder if it ever gets better? I miss him sooooo freaking much!!!!!!
hi kander

 
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