It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-09-2007, 07:46 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: dallas
Posts: 6
bigrich02 HB User
Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

This past weekend I had to put my Dad in a nursing home under hospice care. My mom is at the same facility under hospice care as well. My Dad has colon cancer and my Mom has MS. The doctor has given them only a few months to live. My dad was always very active so seeing him like this has been so hard. He has lost so much weight he is almost unrecognizable.

They are both 63 and I am an only child. They have both been very sick for several years but now that this has happened I feel so alone and depressed that I don't know what to do. Luckily I have a great wife and she has been so supportive through all of this. I'm also worried about my job because I work in a very fast paced environment and I don't know how I will be able to focus anymore. I don't even know when I will feel like going back to work.

Any words of support or advice from someone who has gone through something like this would be greatly appreciated.

 
Old 07-10-2007, 07:09 AM   #2
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 98
Ekris3 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

Hi
I don't know if I am much help but just wanted you to know that I totally understand what you are going through. My parents were both sick w/cancer at the same time...father w/prostate and mother w/breast cancer. They died 15 months apart at ages 64 and 67...mom was very sick when dad died. (Oh, and my husband also had a brain tumor w/surgery just after my father died, while my mom was sick...but that's another story.) I have one sibling but he lived 1000 miles away so I was on my own. It was and still is the worst time of my life. I was a mess trying to deal w/their house, business, medical needs and still try to take care of my 3 young kids. I honestly don't know how I got through all that. My advice to you would be to talk to your parents, make sure you're all at peace w/everything going on. I didn't...my parents didn't talk about what was happening to them. After my parents died, I sought counseling. I only wish I had done that during that awful time...maybe I wouldn't have ended up in such a mess. Anyway, sorry to ramble on...I know it's a tough time for you. You'll get through it because you won't have a choice. I hope things are easy for your parents...take care of yourself.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-12-2007, 07:20 PM   #3
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: dallas
Posts: 6
bigrich02 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

Ekris thanks for your response and I am so sorry to hear about your loss and all that you have gone through. I went to the nursing home to visit my parents yesterday and it was like a bad nightmare. In one room my Dad was hallucinating and then I go to my Mom's room and she is so excited to see me...almost oblivious as to what is going on with my dad. I tried very hard to stay positive as I talk to her but it is so hard. We have told her what is going on with my Dad but it doesnt seem to sink in. Today the nursing home called me at work and told me that my Dad is not eating or taking his medicine which made it very hard to focus.

 
Old 07-14-2007, 07:40 AM   #4
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 98
Ekris3 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

Bigrich
So sorry to hear what you're going through. The hallucinating is awful to watch. How long has your father been w/hospice? Has he stopped eating completely or just something that hit him that day? Both my parents reached a point that they could not swallow and then hospice gave them the meds through a port. But they also went through periods of time when they just didn't want anything. It's really hard to go through all this. I ended up wishing they would just go fast to avoid the pain and discomfort and then of course felt guilty for those thoughts. Anyway, here's wishing you strength and my thoughts are with you and your family. Hang in there.

Last edited by Ekris3; 07-14-2007 at 07:42 AM.

 
Old 07-14-2007, 11:31 AM   #5
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 341
cher1052 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

Bigrich-I'm so sorry to read of what your going through with 2 parents-it was hard enough for my family when we dealt with each parents death years apart. I noticed that you're workung with hospice-and your father can't swallow foods/meds......do they have those meds in liquid form? Talk with them-find out more. I remember the day that mom was hallucinating-it was hard-and things got a little harder for us-that's when hospice was a BIG help-they came to her home to help us. take care-Cherie

 
Old 07-17-2007, 08:35 AM   #6
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: dallas
Posts: 6
bigrich02 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

I spoke with hospice yesterday and they put my Dad on a liquid diet and they are giving him his medicine in liquid form. They told me he has a week or 2 at most. They are also making sure that my Mom can visit with my Dad during the day. I am so glad that I spent so much time with my parents. When I graduated from graduate school I had job offers out of the state but I made the decision to stay close to my parents since I knew they were ill. I always questioned that decision since I turned down some very good opportunities. Now that I look back at it this was the best decision I ever made. I spent some great time with my parents and nothing has been left unsaid. They know how much I love them and they told me how proud they are of me and the life I have created for myself.

My Mom has actually been doing better recently and I hope that my Dad's situation does not cause her to relapse. She is so strong and she has been through so much but I couldn't stand losing them both at the same time.

Thanks everyone for the kind feedback. I have been praying alot.

 
Old 07-17-2007, 10:32 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,329
rudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

BigRich.......Hang in there! You're doing a great job and what a wonderful son you are . Your parents are very lucky and they must have done a great job rearing you. God has a plan for all of us even though it's not alway clear what that might be. I'll be thinking of you and your family and stay strong.

 
Old 07-27-2007, 05:06 AM   #8
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: dallas
Posts: 6
bigrich02 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

My Dad died last night. I had been sitting with him at the nursing home for a few hours and I left to get dinner. When I got back his older sister was there and she said he had just slipped away and that he just stopped breathing. On Monday the last thing I told my Dad was "Thanks for everything and I love you" He told me he loved me and gave me a hug. I really hope my Mom will be ok but I'm not sure. She was saying that I better start making arrangements for 2 funerals. This is really tough but I am so glad that my Dad is no longer in pain.

 
Old 07-27-2007, 06:59 AM   #9
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 98
Ekris3 HB User
Re: Both parents are dying and I dont know what to do

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. It sounds as if he went peacefully and that's truely a blessing. Take care of yourself...you will need your strength down the road. Thinking of you...

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying. intrinsicdreams Death & Dying 20 06-28-2010 01:05 AM
My son n my parents mykinzie10 Relationship Health 3 04-19-2010 06:38 AM
Fear of my parents getting ill or dying. annie6262 Death & Dying 7 09-11-2008 03:37 AM
Both grandparents with Alzheimer's Green Frog Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 12 08-26-2008 04:16 PM
Lost both parents in 7 weeks lns Death & Dying 29 08-21-2006 07:01 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (7), slenderella (5), rosequartz (4), renko (4), writeleft (3), EagleRiverDee (3), Ivorygirl (3), rudiraven (3), beth468 (3), sawbuck44 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (855), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (769), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (654), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:20 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!