Father Dying - Need Advice - Death & Dying Message Board

ooley · 11-16-2007, 03:39 PM

My father has asbestosis and emphysema and his lungs are really bad. Last week he tried to light a cigarette while on oxygen and burnt his face and throat. His burns are doing well but now he has been transferred to another hospital and put in ICU because he is on a ventilator, which I don't think he wanted but has nothing in writing.

I visited my dad every day when he was in the burn unit. I just can't bring myself to go visit him in ICU because of the hurt of seeing him this way. My mom keeps telling me to go but I just can't bring myself to do it. I am leaving the country on Sunday. Should I go visit him before I go? I really don't want to see himi this way and this be my last memory of him.

Thank you

gardenandcats · 11-16-2007, 07:51 PM

This is a personal choice only you can make. Its some thing you will have to live with the rest of your life. I'm so sorry for you. I understand what you mean by wanting to have the good memories of your dad. And not be haunted by the way he is now.
Your asking what we would do. So me I would go and see him all I could not for me but for him. I'm sure it will brighten the last times he has on earth to see his child..

ooley · 12-12-2007, 04:24 AM

Well this could be the last day for my father. The doctors are making a decision as to whether to take him off the ventilator. I think he has had enough and does not want to be on it anymore. My question is I went to see him on Monday and told him that I loved him and everything will be ok. I can't bring myself to go back in to see him before they take him off and I cannot be in the room when they do this and watch him die. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

ibake&pray · 12-12-2007, 10:58 AM

This is something that only you can decide. BUT, think it over very carefully. You are going to live with this decision the rest of your life.

Personally I would want to be with my father and comfort him. The joy that it would bring to him would far outweigh the uncofrtableness that it would cause me.

I sat with my mother when she passed on the first of NOv. this year. It isn't horrid and awful. IT was slow and quiet and I will forever be grateful that I was with her when she left this earth. She knew that my hubby and I were there with her. Don't think that they don't know. She held our hand and squeezed it...

So, you need to decide if you can do this for your father. Good dluck. You and your family are in my prayers.

ooley · 12-16-2007, 04:06 PM

Well my father passed away on Saturday night, 12/15. We are with him before they took him off the ventilator through his last breath. We spent 29 hours by his side. He was very comfortable as they had him on a morphine drip. In the beginning he knew we were there and smiled at each of us and then he went into a deep sleep.

I must say watching his last moments was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was not prepared for what was going to happen but we made it through.

He is know resting peacefully and will have no more suffering.

Thanks to those who have provided advice and comfort through this board.