Missing My Mom - Death & Dying Message Board

WhiskeyGirl · 01-28-2008, 09:47 AM

My mom passed away on Jan 19th and I can't even begin to put into words how much I miss her. The pain is unbearable and I just can't believe she is really gone. I ache for her I wanna hear her voice and see her face again. I have 2 small children that I feel have been cheated out of the joys of having a grandma.
I cry all the time - she seemed to young to leave us she was only 57 and put up such a strong fight with her cancer. We all thought in the end she would beat it but I think it just got too much for her.
My sister & I had to make the choice to take her off the breathing machine cuz that's the only thing keeping her alive. I feel terrible and I dont want her to be mad at us.

I know the pain of losing my mother will never go away but I do hope one of these days the pain eases up. I feel as thou I am living a dream and walking in a fog. I go to reach for the phone to call her -- than I gotta snap myself back to reality.

Thanks for reading

RIP
MOMMA!
FOREVER IN MY HEART

Pat007 · 01-28-2008, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiskeyGirl

My mom passed away on Jan 19th and I can't even begin to put into words how much I miss her. The pain is unbearable and I just can't believe she is really gone. I ache for her I wanna hear her voice and see her face again. I have 2 small children that I feel have been cheated out of the joys of having a grandma.
I cry all the time - she seemed to young to leave us she was only 57 and put up such a strong fight with her cancer. We all thought in the end she would beat it but I think it just got too much for her.
My sister & I had to make the choice to take her off the breathing machine cuz that's the only thing keeping her alive. I feel terrible and I dont want her to be mad at us.

I know the pain of losing my mother will never go away but I do hope one of these days the pain eases up. I feel as thou I am living a dream and walking in a fog. I go to reach for the phone to call her -- than I gotta snap myself back to reality.

Thanks for reading

RIP
MOMMA!
FOREVER IN MY HEART

I know, I do know what you are going through. I had to give the decision to to let my Mom go, also.

I do not think your Mom is mad at you, in fact, I suspect that she understands more then we know, and if she were in your place , she would make the same decision.

Yes, the sharp pain will subside.

The mornings will come when you wake up and her passing is not the first thing on your mind. This will take time and each person's "period of grief is different."

Your children are so fortunate to have such a wonderful caring Mother. I know that "Grandma" will continue to live for them through your memories of her.

Blessings!

mmmcoffee · 02-03-2008, 05:49 PM

WhiskeyGirl--

I know exactly how you are feeling. My Mom died Aug 26, 2007. She had a stroke and died the next day......my fog is only just starting to lift gradually. And some days, it's not lifting at all. I have read alot about the stages of grief and have come to understand that now I am at the 'depression' stage. Next comes acceptance...supposedly. But I can't really see myself getting there for some time. My husband says I have been almost impossible to live with, and I believe it. I have been crabby, nasty, not caring and many other things. There was even a point in which I was questioning whether or not I even wanted to be married any more. There were even days I couldn't deal with our two girls. Had no patience, didn't want to do anything but mope.

Like you, all I want to do is talk to Mom. Just say hello, tell her about my day, complain about work, tell her something silly the girls did...regular things I used to talk to her about. I just MISS HER HORRIBLY. But, as time goes by, I'm changing. I can feel it, but can't really explain it....Almost like getting back to normal, but NOT normal because there's no Mom. I think I'm learning to deal with it, ever so slowly. I hate it. I hate not having Mom, but know I have 2 girls and my husband and my Dad. It's wierd to feel alone with so many people around, but that's how I have felt, and still do at times.

I don't think there's any way to make ourselves feel better. I think it's just time. It's been almost 6 mos and I still pick up the phone to call her too. Time will help us both. I don't know how much or how long either, but I do know I am doing better than I was a month ago. And better than the month before that. It's a slow process. It was MOM....there is no other. no replacing her. There will not be another, but I have to remind myself that she'd want me to be a great Mom to my own girls, and to keep living. I know that's what she'd want, but it's hard to without her. Slowly, I think I'm trying to. I just wish I could find some joy in something. There's an odd void that I'm sure you can understand. My husband doesn't quite get it. He still has his Mom.

I apologize for rambling on. The writing makes me feel better. I'm sorry too for the loss of your Mother, and I know how you're feeling. Your post was all too familiar to me. Hopefully, in time, you will begin to 'heal' (I guess is the word)...I know that's no help, I can't say when, but you will slowly begin to not cry as much, not pick up the phone as much. You probably will never stop thinking about her, and you shouldn't. But hopefully there will be a point when you think of her and memories and smile or laugh instead of crying and getting so sad. I am slowly reaching that point. More so than a month or two ago. It will happen. Be strong and know you Mom would want you to be.....especially for your kids. God Bless.

---mmmcoffee

lilsis1071 · 02-04-2008, 06:23 AM

Sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.

daughter issues · 02-07-2008, 02:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WhiskeyGirl

My mom passed away on Jan 19th and I can't even begin to put into words how much I miss her. The pain is unbearable and I just can't believe she is really gone. I ache for her I wanna hear her voice and see her face again. I have 2 small children that I feel have been cheated out of the joys of having a grandma.
I cry all the time - she seemed to young to leave us she was only 57 and put up such a strong fight with her cancer. We all thought in the end she would beat it but I think it just got too much for her.
My sister & I had to make the choice to take her off the breathing machine cuz that's the only thing keeping her alive. I feel terrible and I dont want her to be mad at us.

I know the pain of losing my mother will never go away but I do hope one of these days the pain eases up. I feel as thou I am living a dream and walking in a fog. I go to reach for the phone to call her -- than I gotta snap myself back to reality.

Thanks for reading

RIP
MOMMA!
FOREVER IN MY HEART

Grief is different for everyone. I too lost my mom to cancer, and she was only 58 years old. I too have 2 children whom have lost the only grandparent they've known. It's hard. My mom passed away March 13, 2007. I'm coming up to 11 months now. You'll have a whole year of firsts to go through, some will be easier to deal with than others. My fog lifted and settled back a few times during the 11 months. I don't remember the first 6 months after having lost her. I was close to my mom, and even after 11 months I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and call her to tell her about something the girls have done. It's no longer the first thing on my mind when I wake up in the morning, but I do think about her throughout the day. For my daughters, one who was only 2 years old when my mom passed away, I made a nice slide show dvd of them with Grandma so that they can watch that. I reminisce with my daughters, especially my oldest daughter, so that we can help my youngest to remember Grandma. My youngest daughter and I have a weekly ritual of taking flowers to my mom's grave. The pain is still there for me, but time has helped a little bit.

I know my mom wouldn't want to see me upset, and for the longest time I felt so guilty about even living. That part has gotten easier. For me, I did a lot of talking. I had appointments with hospice, mental health and my family doctor. That helped a lot for me. If for nothing else it gave me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I also talked a lot to my daughters about what I was feeling and how they were feeling. Hearing them say how sad they were broke my heart, but it gave me the strength I needed to get the help I knew I should get.

Don't try to rush your grieving. It's a normal process. You'll go through all of the steps numerous times in the first year. I've talked to people who have lost their parents 20 years ago, and they still have times when they just sit down and cry because they lost their parent. I know you say you can't see yourself getting to the acceptance stage, but it will happen. Grieving is a slow process and takes time. Hopefully you have people around you that are understanding with what you're going through.