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Any advice would be wonderful

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Old 06-25-2008, 06:13 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: St. Charles, Missouri
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loretta38 HB User
Question Any advice would be wonderful

When I was 17 years old my Mom tried to commit suicide in front of me. She took about 200 blood pressure-pain pills-anxiety drugs- I literally jumped on her and I slapped her and tried to pull the pills out of her mouth. Since then -our relationship has never been the same. She tried to kill herself over an argument of $20.00 at that time. The guilt trip she left on me is enormous and will probably never go away.

My question now that I am 40 - on April 6th 2007 my Dad passed away. My Mom and Dad were married for 54 years. My Mom always had this fantasy about her and I being great friends and buddies - like her and her Mom were. But what she did when I was 17 - well - the anger is still very real. But now my Dad is gone. He was her total life system. She didn't like going out - they just sat at home and talked. He was her total support system - shopping - medicines - doctor visits. Then he became sick and died within a matter of 4 months.

Now my Mom is going through terrible pain. No - I do not know the extent to which she is in pain. I lost a father - she lost her soul mate - her lover - her entire life really. I call her everyday - and - everyday it is the same thing. She cries - and cries - and cries - telling me she wishes she was dead. I have taken her to the doctor and she refuses to take anti depressant meds. I now do all the shopping - doctor visits - yard and lawn service - but I will tell you the non stop crying is really starting to effect me. I miss my Dad. But I also believe that now he is with me all the time - I will see him again. I have to remind my Mom that suicide will end with her never seeing him. But that threat - the threat she made when I was 17 - when she mentions it - it just breaks me up. It is affecting my marriage - my relationship with my daughter - I have given up all my friends.

I don't know how to help her. I have called on clergy to call her - but because she had no real religious being in her life - they never call her back. I try to listen to her - but she cries and then threatens to take her life. It has gotten to where I don't want to talk to her. Heck - I don't want to talk to anyone.

She talks to my Dad like he is still there. She cries so much. She has gained 125 pounds. She has no friends. Just me. And the bond between her and I is still strained after all these years. Her suicide attempt just tore me apart. The Ironic thing is that - when she was 7 years old - her alcoholic Dad shot himself in the head at dinner in front of her and my Grandma. She knows the pain and guilt that is placed on a person when they try and/or suceed at suicide. I don't know what to do. I need help. I can not sleep anymore. For the first time in my life - I have considered killing myself. My daughter is the only thing that stops me. I know I will destroy her - like my paternal grandfather did my Mom and she did to me.

What do I do? Any advice would just be a blessing. Thanks.

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Old 06-25-2008, 08:06 AM   #2
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Re: Any advice would be wonderful

You need to get some help for yourself. Perhaps you should talk with clergy or a counselor. Your Mom was damaged by her father and you've been damaged by her. You need to stop this so your daughter is not damaged as well. You can only do so much to help your Mom and you cannot let her destroy your life. Some people just cannot be helped no matter how much you try. God Bless and hang in there. Let us know how things are going, ok

Old 06-25-2008, 09:06 AM   #3
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Christine73 HB User
Re: Any advice would be wonderful

I agree with the above poster.

Also, one other thing..I would speak to your mother and tell her gently but firmly that she isn't the only one who is are too and she is upsetting you even more with these threats of suicide.

Do not let her speak to you like that...if she mentions it again then tell her you will call back later then hang up. Seriously, you need to look after yourself too.

Old 06-25-2008, 09:20 AM   #4
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Location: St. Charles, Missouri
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loretta38 HB User
Re: Any advice would be wonderful

Thank you - just knowing someone cares is great. My five brothers - who are all older than me - they refuse to help. My Mom doesnt treat them the way she treats me. Why do I always have this concern? I don't want her to kill herself. I know I can not stop her if she tries.

Growing up - we all knew my Mom had "issues" and "not to push her" but I was 17 and wanted some designer jeans - typical - teenage stuff. I push her too far - and I was kicked out of my house. My brothers all blamed me. My Mom told me one day when I did tell her that she is just hurting me when she says those things - she told me - "I should have given you away when I had you". Almost evil when I hear myself type it. I would never tell my daughter that - I would never leave her by commiting suicide either.

Thank You both - God bless.

Old 06-26-2008, 02:07 PM   #5
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Re: Any advice would be wonderful

Your Mom is mentally ill, damaged, I'm sure, by her past. She says the ugly, evil things to you to vent her anger with herself. She wants someone to suffer and feel as bad as she does. She may even be repeating what was said to her at some time in her past. You are the only girl and the only one who puts up with her. She wouldn't do this to her sons because they might cut off all contact. You are going to have to stand up for yourself and not let her do this to you. She is holding you hostage by threatening suicide, knowing that you'll stay because you wouldn't want the guilt if she actually did kill herself. Tell her next time she threatens suicide that you're going to call the police. If she doesn't believe you, do it. They'll call paramedics and take her to the hospital for a mental evaluation. Perhaps they can help her and at least it will be documented. Everyone will be mad at you, but they give you grief already, so who cares. God Bless.

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