It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-13-2008, 09:37 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posts: 9
beth468 HB Userbeth468 HB User
Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Hi,

I just wanted to share my story, and testimony really, of being with my father throughout his sickness and watching him go through the dying process.

I am 36 years old and my Daddy passed away 5 years ago after a battle with esophogeal cancer. After finding out that he had this disease the doctor gave him 6-12 months to live. He told him he could try chemo or just live out the rest of his life as comfortably as possible. Well, my Daddy was a fighter and he was going to try his best to beat the cancer. For 8 months he struggled with it; taking chemo treatments, losing all his hair, no appetite, tired all the time - but through it all he tried to enjoy life to it's fullest. He was 75 years old, but until the cancer got a hold of him, he was a strong, physically fit, and active person, and looked more like 65 than 75. He loved to fish, so friends that he had took him fishing before he passed on. If he was too weak too fish, he would just sit on the banks and watch. He owned a cattle farm, and loved to ride down in his pastures and check on his cows. He did this as long as he was able. Well, after about 7 1/2 months, his doctor told him the chemo was no longer working and told him he would be turned over to hospice and they would make the remainder of his life as comfortable as possible. For 2 weeks, me and my family watched my Daddy go through the dying process. He got so weak, he could no longer walk. He had to be pushed in a wheelchair until finally he was put in his bed and never got up again. He quit eating and drinking. He knew he was dying. He would come in and out of dream states. This went on for 2 or 3 days. He experienced intense pain the last couple of days and had to take morphine. On the final day of his life, my mama called and told me to come quick that she thought daddy was going to pass on pretty soon. I only live 1/4 of a mile from them, so I went over there immediately. There were a lot of family and friends there, and some were in and out of my daddy's room constantly. Well, all of the sudden it was like everyone cleared out of the house. It was just me, my sister, and my mama by my daddy's bedside. My daddy looked at me and I took his hand. He was trying so hard to tell me things, but his voice was so weak I couldn't really understand him. I kissed him on the lips and told him that he had been the best daddy in the whole world. Then he took my mama's hand. She told him that she wanted a big kiss, and he puckered up and gave her the biggest, sweetest kiss he could possibly give her. Next, he took my sister's hand. She told him that we loved him and that we would be ok. She assured him that she and I would look after mama and not to worry about that. She told him that it was ok for him to go on to Heaven to be with the Lord, that we would see him again one day soon. She kissed him also. Well, after that, my daddy grabbed the bed rail and pulled himself up in a sitting position (take in mind that for 2 days he was so weak that he couldn't even lift his head up, let alone raise up to a sitting position). He looked up towards the ceiling and said "help me up, get me up" then he layed back down. He pushed the covers completely off of him and raised his arms up and said "Lord". After that, he made a couple of moaning sounds and loud gasps of air and with 2 final quiet breaths, he was gone. A coolness came over the room. Even though his pitiful, frail, sick body was still laying there, my Daddy was no longer there. His spirit, his soul, had left that body, it had left that room and was instantly with his Lord. You could feel it. I know Daddy saw God or angels that day and he was asking them to help him up, to get him out of that bed and take him on. He was pushing those covers back because he was ready to go. As strange as it may sound, that was the most miraculous thing I had ever witnessed. God blessed me, my mama, and my sister with the opportunity to be with our loved one has he was leaving this world and crossing over into the other and we were able to kiss him and tell him goodbye minutes before it happened. I hope this story will help others in dealing with loved ones that are going through the dying process. God bless.

 
The following user gives a hug of support to beth468:
Domswife (03-11-2011)
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to beth468 For This Useful Post:
doublysad (10-25-2012), nitabug (07-05-2012), PEEKS1 (01-05-2012)
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 07-13-2008, 10:57 PM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: SR CA USA
Posts: 166
Hyper86 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Hello Beth,
Thank you for sharing!
It made me feel a lot better.
I was with my mom when she passed away in 2004 after a 6 month battle with lung cancer.
Dad passed away in 2005, Sister in 1994, Brother in 2006.

Kindest Regards,
Carole

 
Old 07-14-2008, 04:43 AM   #3
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: connecticut
Posts: 81
Marie1973 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Beth,your story is beautiful and brought me to tears.
Thanks for sharing,
Marie

Last edited by Marie1973; 07-14-2008 at 04:43 AM.

 
Old 07-14-2008, 10:05 AM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: PA
Posts: 172
SherryAnne HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Beth I really want to thank you for sharing your extraordinary story with us. Mom my is now probably close to death (lung cancer) as she has not eaten for over three weeks now. She has been battling this for about 2 1/2 years now. I only hope that I am as blessed as you and your family to be there and experience the power of GOD. I have actually been told a very similar story just like yours from a very good friend of mine who lost her aunt. She said it was truly amazing.

God Bless everyone.

 
Old 07-14-2008, 11:30 AM   #5
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Florida
Posts: 32
LaurieBelle HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Oh my gosh, thank you for sharing your family's experience at your father's passing. It gave me chills.

That reminds me of the story my husband told me about his grandmother who raised him. He was there when she passed away. He was in the Army and stationed over in Germany. She knew he was coming, so she waited until he could arrive because he was the only one she hadn't seen. Moments before she took her last breath, she looked up at the ceiling, pointed her finger at something, and smiled a big beautiful smile. She died with that smile on her face.

It really makes you wonder what their experience was like, you know, the transition.

Thank you again for sharing.

LaurieBelle

Last edited by LaurieBelle; 07-14-2008 at 11:30 AM.

 
Old 07-14-2008, 12:08 PM   #6
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Phila. Pa. Usa
Posts: 4
PrincessLIN HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Hi Beth..I can relate so closely to your story. I am an only child and have 2 daughters. My Dad died suddenly of a massive heart attack, i was living with them at the time knowing he had a heart problem. In Feb. of 2002 Mom was diagnosed with rectal cancer and i was told she had maybe 4 months to live.
The experience of keeping her home and taking care of her was devastating. I swore i would never put her away in a home. I had Hospice help, BUT, and i am not lying about this,i did everything the nurses did and more. The nurses were far and few between, they could not control her pain and i was on the phone day and nite with them and the doctor. I had to give her needles, clean her cathiter, change her diapers and my husband and i never left her side. My daughters came over when they could but had their own families to tend too. My moms medication was changed so many times, the pharmacy gave me their private number in case i needed anything right away. The nurse came every other day to take temp, check vitals and tell me we would have another nurse within a day or two because she found another job. By the way, within 3 months we went thru 4 nurses. I wouldn't have changed a thing, except look for another Hospice that was reliable. I sat and watched the poor woman see images of her family that was deceased and tried to calm her every fear.In May of 2002 she passed on to a better place with the angels. I still miss her so badly, i wound up in therapy and almost had a nervous breakdown. I am here today still not over it and never will be. After her passing i was told by family,friends and the doctor that the job i did was wonderful.I didn't consider it a job... It was an honor to take care of her and
try and make her last months as comfortable as possible.. Lin

 
Old 07-14-2008, 04:11 PM   #7
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: connecticut
Posts: 81
Marie1973 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Lin,you were a wonderful,devoted daughter to take care of your mom.
I love how you said it was an honor to take care of her.
You are very blessed and so was she to have you.
I hope prayers and time will ease your pain.
Just know that you are truly wonderful and I'm sure
your mom was ever so grateful for you.

May God bless you and your family,
Marie

 
Old 07-14-2008, 07:55 PM   #8
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posts: 9
beth468 HB Userbeth468 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Hi,

I'm glad my experience helped you feel better or more at peace with what you have gone through. I'm so sorry about all the losses you have experienced in such a short amount of time. But this life here is just temporary - remember that - life after this is much more than we can imagine. God bless you. Beth

 
Old 07-14-2008, 08:00 PM   #9
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posts: 9
beth468 HB Userbeth468 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Just be right there with your mom until the end if at all possible. We were fortunate in that my daddy was completely alert and aware of everyone and everything that was going on. I know of people that have lost loved ones that slip into somewhat of a coma right before passing on, but Daddy knew us and was aware of us till the very end. I pray that God will give you a since of peace through this all. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, I never thought I'd get through it when that day came, but God gave me strength and peace through it all. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Beth

 
Old 07-14-2008, 08:08 PM   #10
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posts: 9
beth468 HB Userbeth468 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience with hospice. My daddy was only under there care for about 2 weeks, so I guess they did a pretty good job in such a short amount of time. My daddy had to wear the diapers also, and me and my mom had to change them a few times. That was the pitiful part. It was like daddy was a helpless baby and depended on us to do things for him such as this. I'm also sorry that you have had such a rough time recovering from it and all. I still think about Daddy even now 5 years later and I relive that last day of his life in my mind all the time, but because I am a Christain and I know that he was also, I can only look forward to seeing him again after my life here is over. Life is so short, and this life here is only temporary. The life after this one will be so much better!!! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless you. Beth

 
Old 07-25-2008, 10:48 PM   #11
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Katonah, NY
Posts: 49
blueeyes62 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

PrincessLyn,
I am having such a difficult time dealing with the loss of my mother, my best friend. She was diagnosed with Stage IV Lung Cancer in 9/06 and passed away in 7/07. I miss her so much. I can't sleep at night. I feel so bad because she new that something wasn't right with her body inside and she kept going to her doctor and she said that my mother was stressed from taking care of her 89 year old mother at that time. My mother would get headaches and get dizzy from time to time. She was in the ER back in 2/06 with dizzy spells and feeling very faint, they only did a blood test and they said that she had vertigo and sent her home. I still remember that day when she came home from the hospital. I had asked my father if they did a brain scan and he said no, the ER said that she didn't need one and I said to my father maybe she does. Then seven months later she wakes up with the same symptoms except now she starts having double vision, so father brings her to the ER again, they did a brain scan and that is when they found many tumors in her brain. It was so devistating. The doctors didn't know where the tumors were coming from, until they did a chest xray and didn't find anything there until they did a cat scan of her chest and that is when they found a tiny lesion on her left lung. The doctors couldn't believe that it was coming from there. They started radiation to her brain and after the treatments she had another scan and it showed that everything was clear. Then she started 6 months of chemo. After the 6 months of chemo, the doctor said that he was going to stop it because she was doing well with the treatments. Not even being off the chemo for one week, my mother started having severe pain, numbness, and swelling in her jaw on the left side. Her oncologist said that it wasn't cancer. He sent her to her dentist to see if was from her teeth, but her dentist couldn't find anything wrong. Her oncologist told her that maybe she had an infection and put her on an antibiotic, but it never helped. He then told her to make an appt. with an oral surgeon. My father had made the appt. He took my mother there and the oral surgeon said that my mother had osteocronosis of the jaw. He said that some patients get it from taking a certain chemo drug. So her oncologist took her off the drug, but it still wasn't going away. In 5/07 my mother had a massive stroke. When she was in the hospital her oncologist had another surgeon look at her jaw and he said that it didn't look good. He said for her to mske an appt. with him after she gets out of the hospital. My father made the appt. She had a special test done of her face and that is when the oral surgeon found a massive tumor in her jaw. I blame her doctor, because he kept saying that it wasn't cancer. I remember saying to my brother's and father that I hope it isn't cancer. The only treatment for it was radiation and it didn't work at all. Then my mother started having severe lower back pain, she had another pet scan and it showed that the cancer was back in her chest and in her L2 and L3. The only treatment for it was radiation to her hip and that didn't help either.The pain medication she was taking didn't help. My mother was in severe pain the last 3 months of her life. It was so horrible to see your mother, your best friend suffer so much. She went into the hospitsl on Friday 7/13/07 and never came out. We thought she was only going to be in there for dehydration. She was hallucinating alot. She kept saying that she wasn't ready to see her father. A few weeks before she went in to the hospital she was hallucinating alot and her doctor said that it was from her pain patch. My mother also had told us that she was losing control of going to the bathroom. I do know that my mother was taking cumadin and her levels were normal. Her doctor had wrote in her chart that if her level goes down that she would need a shot of lovenox in her stomach. Guess what the nurse did not read my mother's chart and she gave my mother that shot and it brought her INR level up to 8. It was right after that when my mother really started to go down hill. Her oncologist came in to the room and told my family that my mother was stable. Two days later he comes back and said to my father that my mother was luck if she had two weeks left. A few days later she was transferred to a cancer hospital, she made it for four more days and that was the end. It was so devistating. When I got to the hospital she was breathing horrible, she had that rattling in her chest. I wish that I never had to see her like that. I held her hand for 3 hours and kept telling her how much I loved her. I had to leave the room to use the bathroom. After I left is when she passed away. I wish that I didn't leave the room. It was like she didn't want me there at that time. I still can't stop thinking of her when she was so sick. Everyone keeps telling me to think of the good times. I can't do that because when I try to I really start crying. I just wish I could have her back. I am so lost without her. We saw each other every day. Thanks for listening to my story. Blueeyes.

 
Old 07-26-2008, 01:06 PM   #12
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 127
daughter issues HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

My Mom's passing was peaceful. I was afraid that she'd get the rattling in her chest and that she'd start gasping for air. That never happened.

She had got up the afternoon before she died and said that she had to go to the washroom and wanted my brother to help her. She said that she was tired and wanted to go to bed (it was just after 4pm), so we tucked her in and started a vigil. She didn't go into a coma right away, and every time someone came to pay their respects to her, I got her to open her eyes to acknowledge them. I will never forget when one of her good friends came in to be with her. Her friend was crying, which disturbed my Mom. She looked at me (I was the only one in her field of vision) and I pointed up by her head. She looked up at her friend, gave a cheeky grin and called her a "blubberpuss". It was just after that she slipped into the coma. Gradually her breathing became more shallow and her extremities started going colder. I held her hand and kept telling her to go see Grandma and Grandpa, that we'd be ok. Two very short puffs of air later she passed on.

Her passing was very peaceful, and went exactly the way she'd said she wanted it to.

 
Old 07-31-2008, 02:18 PM   #13
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Highland, Indiana
Posts: 2
jmgrusjmgrus HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

Beth,
I had to respond to your post. After reading it I was stunned for a moment. When my father was dying (of cancer - died at home, basically the same situation as your dad) I was there also. He also like your dad in his last moments was trying to sit up and kept telling us to "help him up, help him up". Like your dad he was very weak and was struggling to sit straight up and pleading with us to help him. I have always attributed it to perhaps needing oxygen - but I have never forgotten it and always wondered about it. Your post about believing the angels were calling him home, he was trying to leave and that was the reason why he wanted to sit up. Very comforting thought to know that perhaps my father was trying also to leave to go to heaven. I recall he wouldn't die until after the priest came to give him last rites. Right after that was when he went into the "help me up" thing ...
jmgrus

 
Old 08-01-2008, 09:16 PM   #14
dm3 dm3 is offline
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Port Huron, Michigan, USA
Posts: 7
dm3 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

When my mother was dying, the only help I had was my husband (god bless him) and my father when he wasn't working, my brothers ran off everyday. She stayed home for a week and then went back into the hospital for the last time. I can still remember one night, I could hear a faint cry for help, I thought I was dreaming, but I wasn't. My mother had soiled herself, because she was too weak to get up. I went to her and she was crying, saying that "She didn't want to live like this". I cleaned her up and stayed by her side the rest of the night. The next day she decided to go back to the hospital. A week later I received a phone call at work from her doctor saying that she was just put on life support and I knew that is not what she wanted. We took her off and she died shortly thereafter. I will never forget that night when she soiled herself. I don't talk about it much, because it upsets me. That will stay with me forever.

 
Old 08-04-2008, 07:35 PM   #15
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Posts: 9
beth468 HB Userbeth468 HB User
Re: Testimony of witnessing a loved one going through the dying process

I know when my dad was sick and we knew it wouldn't be long before he would die, I found an interesting article on the internet about the dying process. It was written by a man who had been a hospice nurse for some 20+ years. He wrote, step by step, what to expect when a loved one is dying. One thing he said toward the end when death is very near, was that he had witnessed on more than one occasion, the patient sitting up and saying things like "help me up", "get me up". He said he believed that these people were seeing something, a greater "power", and that they were asking whatever it was they saw to help them up and to take them away. It was so strange after reading this article, that several weeks later when my Daddy passed away he said the very same thing. I'm a Christain, my Daddy was a Christian, and in my heart I know he saw angels and was telling them to help him up - he was ready to go to his heavenly home!!!! I know I will see him again one day. His death and what I witnessed made me more sure of that than ever!!!

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Common Warts - Testimony eryximachus Human Papillomavirus (HPV) 2 11-10-2009 03:25 AM
methadone + morphine = speeds up the dying process? sarahsnow Death & Dying 12 01-19-2009 08:16 PM
Does your loved one "know" they have dementia? BlueAtlas Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 24 11-25-2008 03:20 PM
If you (or a loved one) are dying... Administrator Death & Dying 1 07-18-2008 10:03 PM
Use the Death & Dying board to discuss your dying loved ones. Administrator Cancer: Lung 0 07-10-2008 03:45 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (7), slenderella (5), rosequartz (4), renko (4), writeleft (3), EagleRiverDee (3), Ivorygirl (3), rudiraven (3), beth468 (3), sawbuck44 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1136), MSJayhawk (941), Apollo123 (856), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (770), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:11 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!