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Old 08-03-2008, 05:43 AM   #1
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my beautiful momma is gone

My mom passed yesterday, August 2, at 4:54pm. She was 74. It happened so fast. We just found out on July 5 she had cancer, and apparently it was more advanced than anyone ever thought. Me, my dad, my aunt (mom's sister), and my uncle were by her side. I can't believe she is gone.

 
Old 08-03-2008, 06:22 AM   #2
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

I just came across your post and I am so sorry about your Mom. Death is a terrible loss, my husband passed away 6 years ago and I was only 46 at the time, so I know how painful losing a loved one is. Just hang in there, as time passes believe it or not, things do get better. God Bless!

 
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Old 08-04-2008, 05:19 PM   #3
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

I am so sorry to hear about your mom passing. I lost my Mom a little over a year ago. Kind of the same as it was with your Mom....we found out she had pancreatic cancer, and they told her she had 2 to 6 months to live but she died only 3 weeks later. It was so fast it seemed unreal. I really do know just how you feel. It has been over a year, and I still think about my Mom every day. I miss her so much, but I don't cry every day like I used to. Time does seem to smooth out the pain and make us heal. Hang in there and know there are lots of people out there who care about you and what you're going through. You are in my prayers,
Nancy

 
Old 08-04-2008, 05:37 PM   #4
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

My Mom was 74 when we lost her to lung cancer in 2004.
I wish she could have been with us for at least 20 more years.
I feel she is still with me in spirit, nothing will ever take away or remove the love we shared.

I am so sorry for your loss & have an idea how you feel.
Carole

 
Old 08-04-2008, 10:00 PM   #5
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

BayouGir1,
I am so sorry about your mother. My mom was diagnosed 9/06 and passed away on 7/28/07. My mother never knew anything was wrong with her. She was very healthy and always went to all her physicals. She always exercised. Two months before her diagnoses she had her yearly physical and her primary doctor told her that all her blood tests and xrays were normal and then two months later she had Stage IV Cancer. At least your mother didn't suffer that long. When they diagnosed my mother, she had many tumors in her brain. She had radiation to her brain. After her treatments she started to get dementia. It was so sad seeing my mother like that. She was a very outgoing women and always liked to talk. After her radiation treatments, she did chemo for 6 months, then the doctor stopped the treatments, because he said that my mother responded well to the treatments. We were all happy. Then about one week later it was all over her bones. She had a massive stroke in May 2007. July 28, 2007 she passed away. It is the most devistating thing in my life. I love her and miss her so much. She was 70 years old. It is not fair that she is gone. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. We saw each other everyday and we did everything together. I would do anything just to have her back. My mother did sense that something was wrong with her. She said that she didn't feel right inside. She kept going to doctors, but nobody could find anything wrong with her. They kept saying it was stress. I still keep seeing my mother in my eyes and how sick she was. I just wish that she did not have to suffer the way she did. I do remember all the times she used to come to my house, and everytime I remember those times I start crying. Anyway my prayers are with you and your family through this very difficult time in your life. Take care and keep in touch. Blueeyes62

 
Old 08-04-2008, 10:00 PM   #6
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

BayouGir1,
I am so sorry about your mother. My mom was diagnosed 9/06 and passed away on 7/28/07. My mother never knew anything was wrong with her. She was very healthy and always went to all her physicals. She always exercised. Two months before her diagnoses she had her yearly physical and her primary doctor told her that all her blood tests and xrays were normal and then two months later she had Stage IV Cancer. At least your mother didn't suffer that long. When they diagnosed my mother, she had many tumors in her brain. She had radiation to her brain. After her treatments she started to get dementia. It was so sad seeing my mother like that. She was a very outgoing women and always liked to talk. After her radiation treatments, she did chemo for 6 months, then the doctor stopped the treatments, because he said that my mother responded well to the treatments. We were all happy. Then about one week later it was all over her bones. She had a massive stroke in May 2007. July 28, 2007 she passed away. It is the most devistating thing in my life. I love her and miss her so much. She was 70 years old. It is not fair that she is gone. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. We saw each other everyday and we did everything together. I would do anything just to have her back. My mother did sense that something was wrong with her. She said that she didn't feel right inside. She kept going to doctors, but nobody could find anything wrong with her. They kept saying it was stress. I still keep seeing my mother in my eyes and how sick she was. I just wish that she did not have to suffer the way she did. I do remember all the times she used to come to my house, and everytime I remember those times I start crying. Anyway my prayers are with you and your family through this very difficult time in your life. Take care and keep in touch. Blueeyes62

 
Old 08-04-2008, 10:00 PM   #7
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

BayouGir1,
I am so sorry about your mother. My mom was diagnosed 9/06 and passed away on 7/28/07. My mother never knew anything was wrong with her. She was very healthy and always went to all her physicals. She always exercised. Two months before her diagnoses she had her yearly physical and her primary doctor told her that all her blood tests and xrays were normal and then two months later she had Stage IV Cancer. At least your mother didn't suffer that long. When they diagnosed my mother, she had many tumors in her brain. She had radiation to her brain. After her treatments she started to get dementia. It was so sad seeing my mother like that. She was a very outgoing women and always liked to talk. After her radiation treatments, she did chemo for 6 months, then the doctor stopped the treatments, because he said that my mother responded well to the treatments. We were all happy. Then about one week later it was all over her bones. She had a massive stroke in May 2007. July 28, 2007 she passed away. It is the most devistating thing in my life. I love her and miss her so much. She was 70 years old. It is not fair that she is gone. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. We saw each other everyday and we did everything together. I would do anything just to have her back. My mother did sense that something was wrong with her. She said that she didn't feel right inside. She kept going to doctors, but nobody could find anything wrong with her. They kept saying it was stress. I still keep seeing my mother in my eyes and how sick she was. I just wish that she did not have to suffer the way she did. I do remember all the times she used to come to my house, and everytime I remember those times I start crying. Anyway my prayers are with you and your family through this very difficult time in your life. Take care and keep in touch. Blueeyes62

 
Old 08-04-2008, 10:00 PM   #8
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

BayouGir1,
I am so sorry about your mother. My mom was diagnosed 9/06 and passed away on 7/28/07. My mother never knew anything was wrong with her. She was very healthy and always went to all her physicals. She always exercised. Two months before her diagnoses she had her yearly physical and her primary doctor told her that all her blood tests and xrays were normal and then two months later she had Stage IV Cancer. At least your mother didn't suffer that long. When they diagnosed my mother, she had many tumors in her brain. She had radiation to her brain. After her treatments she started to get dementia. It was so sad seeing my mother like that. She was a very outgoing women and always liked to talk. After her radiation treatments, she did chemo for 6 months, then the doctor stopped the treatments, because he said that my mother responded well to the treatments. We were all happy. Then about one week later it was all over her bones. She had a massive stroke in May 2007. July 28, 2007 she passed away. It is the most devistating thing in my life. I love her and miss her so much. She was 70 years old. It is not fair that she is gone. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. We saw each other everyday and we did everything together. I would do anything just to have her back. My mother did sense that something was wrong with her. She said that she didn't feel right inside. She kept going to doctors, but nobody could find anything wrong with her. They kept saying it was stress. I still keep seeing my mother in my eyes and how sick she was. I just wish that she did not have to suffer the way she did. I do remember all the times she used to come to my house, and everytime I remember those times I start crying. Anyway my prayers are with you and your family through this very difficult time in your life. Take care and keep in touch. Blueeyes62

 
Old 08-04-2008, 10:00 PM   #9
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blueeyes62 HB User
Re: my beautiful momma is gone

BayouGir1,
I am so sorry about your mother. My mom was diagnosed 9/06 and passed away on 7/28/07. My mother never knew anything was wrong with her. She was very healthy and always went to all her physicals. She always exercised. Two months before her diagnoses she had her yearly physical and her primary doctor told her that all her blood tests and xrays were normal and then two months later she had Stage IV Cancer. At least your mother didn't suffer that long. When they diagnosed my mother, she had many tumors in her brain. She had radiation to her brain. After her treatments she started to get dementia. It was so sad seeing my mother like that. She was a very outgoing women and always liked to talk. After her radiation treatments, she did chemo for 6 months, then the doctor stopped the treatments, because he said that my mother responded well to the treatments. We were all happy. Then about one week later it was all over her bones. She had a massive stroke in May 2007. July 28, 2007 she passed away. It is the most devistating thing in my life. I love her and miss her so much. She was 70 years old. It is not fair that she is gone. SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. We saw each other everyday and we did everything together. I would do anything just to have her back. My mother did sense that something was wrong with her. She said that she didn't feel right inside. She kept going to doctors, but nobody could find anything wrong with her. They kept saying it was stress. I still keep seeing my mother in my eyes and how sick she was. I just wish that she did not have to suffer the way she did. I do remember all the times she used to come to my house, and everytime I remember those times I start crying. Anyway my prayers are with you and your family through this very difficult time in your life. Take care and keep in touch. Blueeyes62

 
Old 08-07-2008, 03:36 PM   #10
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

Hi I am sorry for your loss I went through the same thing pretty much. my mom was 73 in may and we just found out in April that she had cancer but they didnt know where it was then in july they said she may not have cancer and thought it was just arthrtis well one day she called me and said she couldnt move her 1 leg so i took her to the hospital they did a cat scan ad blood work same things that the cancer clinic were doing and couldnt find anything well the next day the dr, from the emergency called me and said the test came back and showed that she has cancer all through her pancres, gall bladder and liver and bones how in the world the cancer clinic coldnt find this makes me angry the dr, said she only has a matter of weeks left i couldnt believe what i was hearing so she was in the hospital addmitted now and spent 2 weeks in there my 2 kids an dme were with her every day she was in for 8 hrs a day and the last 4 days we slept there i also have a 2 1/2 year old that i couldnt take there so this was hard too. for about 2 days before she went she kept asking me why she isent going yet she was ready to go then the night she passed away at 2:30am she held my hand and asked me if she could go now i said yes then she asked me do i have to go though i didnt know what to say it was hard 2 hrs later i heard her panting almost and got the nurse she said she will still have a couple days left i knew differntly i called my brother to come own but when he got there she was gone she passed away about 5 mins after i got the nurse. i miss her so much and still cant believe she is gone i want her back so bad we are just a very small family she was the only parent we had. we had her funeral on july 30th so she has been gone for 11 days now

 
Old 08-11-2008, 07:04 AM   #11
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Unhappy Re: my beautiful momma is gone

This is my first post here as I haven't felt ready until today.

((((bayougir1)))) I know how you feel.

My Mum died 5 weeks ago she was 63, She was diagnosed on the 19th of May and died the 4th of July. They never even told us a time frame. They found a 10cm spot on her lung, then did a brain scan and she had tumours everywhere. They tried radiation (which if we had known how short a time she had we would have said no) all it did was made her hair fall out for nothing. They never told us she was dying....I am so mad and sad. I nursed her at home until 3 days before her death, with no help......hospice was never mentioned until I rang and ambulance to take her to hospital because she had fallen out of bed, she was in hospital for 3 days before she passed, she was too sick to move to hospice by then. The last 3 weeks she was halucinating and couldn't really even talk or walk....it has killed me inside.

It is horrible dealing with cancer, it hadn't even sunk in and my Mum was dead.....

I can not believe there are so many of us in the same boat having lost our loved ones so quick after being diagnosed.

I try to stay strong by knowing my Mum would hate to see me so sad and grieving....I feel like getting into bed and never getting out, but she would not want that.
I am now not afraid of when my time comes though as I know she will be waiting for me.

My thoughts are with you all....please know that you are not alone.

 
Old 08-11-2008, 12:36 PM   #12
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

Hi Carolsdaughter, I saw your post and felt your pain. My mom was 71 when diagnosed with stage 4 sclc in August 28 05 we lost her on Dec 31 05, the Dr said 4 months and he was bang on. Losing my mom for me was like losing a huge part of myself. I have not been the same care-free woman I was when I had her here to laugh with and talk to-go visit or have her come and stay with me. I looked after her while she was sick and it was so surreal, every day I'd watch her go down and wanted so bad to pull her back. My head couldn't accept what was happening, this horrible disease was eager to take her from us and I lost so much faith during that time.

I did swirl into a 2 year major depression and spent most of this time in my room. I knew she would not like me to be this way but I couldn't pull myself out of it. I had quit my government job to take care of her so I had the full realization of everything I lost all at once. So I hear you when you say you feel like staying in bed, I didn't talk to anyone except my husband who was so patient with me and knew I was hurting so bad. You know it took me over two years to feel like living again and seeing my friends or going anywhere or doing anything. It was a deep dark hole I was in, I think I wanted to die too. I am no longer afraid to die, but I am afraid to die the way our mothers did.

I don't break out in spontaneous monster tears anymore, but I have thought of my mother every single day and maybe even hourly, I lose track as have finally accepted that she is gone and isn't coming back. I mean, I know when you die your dead, but I always felt like I was waiting for her to call or that she was just on vacation-but gone is gone.

We all handle grief different and I guess I wasn't good at it. But I just allowed myself to feel all the emotions or non-emotions I had to go through until I was alright.

I'm alright now, I can think again and feel like seeing people or speaking to people. Another thing that made it difficult were my brothers and sister who were not around to support me and mom while she was dying and they weren't there for me to talk it out with. I think I will always resent them for this but I don't let them ruin my day, I just saw a side of them I don't respect and that is a loss too. They call when they want something but they never discuss not being there for mom and I, but they have to live with that. I did not attend my moms funeral along with all the hypocrites but I spent the day looking through pictures of my mom and thing about her, I bought flowers for her funeral and the same arrangement for myself. I needed to be alone, none of those people were there when she was sick, but know they all act like they were ther till the end, makes me ill.

I really miss my mom like all of you do and when it's a fresh loss it is so difficult. You know there really aren't words to say to make it better for you-but my thoughts are with and I wish you all the strength you can gather while you go through all the stages of grief. Don't allow anyone to rush you or make you feel weird because it is taking you longer than others. Just go at your own pace and think of her often in sickness and in health and the good times you had.

I did a lot of reading too about grief and loss and angels and spiritual readings, I gathered all these things as a support to help me with my feelings and they did all help me.

Look after yourself.
Ebrena

Last edited by ebrena; 08-11-2008 at 12:41 PM. Reason: added

 
Old 08-13-2008, 07:59 AM   #13
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

Wow, I can't believe that so many of us have similar stories. I guess it is fairly common to be diagnosed with cancer after it's too late. It's good to know I am not alone, but I miss my mom so much.

 
Old 08-13-2008, 10:46 AM   #14
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Re: my beautiful momma is gone

BayouGirl we may have similar stories but right now this is about you. It is a fact that a lot of people get diagnosed too late but when it is this close to your heart it really hurts and you do feel alone. You miss your mom and always will, keep her alive in your heart, write in a journal about your feelings-this helped me-I got it all out and on paper many times over, like I was writing her a letter.

Your emotions will be all over the place for a long while but know that even though we have lost our moms too we are thinking about you today

 
Old 08-30-2008, 11:28 AM   #15
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Unhappy Re: my beautiful momma is gone

I just joined this forum cause my mother is dying a slow death at home...she lived with me all my life and believe it or not, she just turned 98 - after reading some of the postings here, I just want to say how sorry I am for all of you who have lost your mom...some of you lost your mom so young and I am so grateful I had the time I had with my mother...I am an only child - my brother was murdered over 16 years ago, I am trying to be with my mom as much as possible. She doesn't talk at all now..She has an inoperable blockage in her intestines and has been slowing dying over the past 6 months. She is now off of ALL FOOD and just a sip or two of water - almost 5 days now - she is under 80 lbs and was always robust and healthy...It is so hard for me to watch her starve to death but that is how she is dying - she has hospice at home and is in no pain - I really want her to pass - not because of me so much but because I cry all the time for her and watching is just killing me...I just want to post this here...I am waiting and I hope you will pray for me to be strong when the time comes...even at her age, I never thought this would happen to her...it was as though she would live forever...I am surprised that I am praying for her death but I am and yet I know I will be devastated when it happens...keep me in your prayers and I wish you comfort and understanding.... Courtney3478

Last edited by courtney3478; 08-30-2008 at 11:31 AM. Reason: spelling

 
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