It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-26-2008, 01:58 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: central il usa
Posts: 7
intrinsicdreams HB User
Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I'm desperately looking for someone to help me cope. I have never lost anyone I dearly loved before & I have no clue as what to do. I guess a lot of people would think that's kind of strange, esp. since I'm 51 yrs old, but it's true.
First, I'll start with my youngest daughter. She was happily married & having her 3rd child in 2000. We were all very happy everything had gone so well as my daughter had been having such a a hard time with this pregnancy. She was extremely tired, anemic, ran unexplained fevers, lost weight & had been pretty weak throughout the last 6 months. After my grandaughter was born, the drs ordered what we thought was routine bloodwork, but after a few days it became obvious to us that something was wrong. She was not discharged from the hospital, they continued to do tons of labwork & eventually, ordered a bone marrow aspiration test. Eventually, the drs sat down to give us the news. My beautiful 23yr old daughter had leukemia (chronic myelogenous leukemia). They explained the disease to us, that it was chronic, not acute, what treatments were available, etc..My daughter, well, all of us remained hopeful. She was treated with medications & later with a bone marrow transplant. She has been in remission since.
Then in Jan 2008, everything started to go wrong. My aunt (my mother's sister), was diagnosised with gallstones, but when she had the surgery, we found out she had cancer too-cervical cancer that had spread all over. She died within a week.
In April 2008, my other aunt (my mom's identical twin sister) was diagnosised with AML (acute myelogenous leukemia). She had to have many, many transfusions. After being told she would have to stay in the hospital for continuous platelet transfusions the remainder of her life, she decided to just go home to die. She left the hospital at 3pm the next day & only lived another 33 hours before she died.
In July 2008, my dad was told he had cancer also & not one, but 2! He had bladder & prostate cancer-not metastasis, but 2 primary sites! He has underwent chemo & radiation treatments, internal & external. We were told he had a life expectancy of approx. 3 months. It is now Nov & he is still with us, though he is 6'3" tall & weighs only 127# & can barely walk.
Last Wed, exactly 1 week ago, I got a ph call from my sister telling me to get to the hospital asap. This time it is my mother! She had an emergency colon resection. She has colon cancer but won't tell anyone what stage it's in. She has already been started on chemo & radiation & had been complaining of pain in the right upper quadrant of her abdomen for a long time, so I'm guessing it's spread to her liver already!
Then 2 days after my mom's surgery, my daughter got a call from her drs assistant telling her to stop taking her medicine & that she had to be seen by the dr first thing in the morning-her body has started rejecting the medicine she's on, she's not in remission anymore & all that can be done at this point is to start her on another medication & hope it works. If not, well I guess we will be losing her also. The really sad thing is, her husband said he can't deal with all this & he left! Just up & left! They have 3 little girls ages 8, 9 & 13. They have lost their father & probably are going to lose their mother too!
So, what I would like to know is this: How on earth is a person supposed to cope with losing both parents & a young daughter all at the same time??? And what can be done for my 3 grandaughters? The 2 youngest don't even know what is wrong with their mother, I guess they just figure that's the way she is since she has been ill a lot ever since they were born. I think they know she's sick, but they don't know she's dying. They are still reeling from their dad leaving them, the 8yr old is furious & says she hates him, the 9yr old has started wetting the bed, throws up frequently & all 3 of them cry almost the entire time they are awake.
I'm sorry this is so long, I just didn't know anyway to explain everything except the way I did. Any advice and/or suggestions will be greatly appreciated. This is all just so surreal, I keep thinking it can't be true, but sadly, it is.
Thanks for listening, it helped some just talking about all this going on.
Update:It's only been a few hrs since I wrote the above, but GREAT NEWS!!! At least it sounds like it's good news-just talked to my mother & she told me that though the pathology report isnt in yet, the surgeon told her the tumor was encapsulated-like it was inside of a hard shell! He said she was very lucky & now we are just waiting for the pathology reports on the lymph nodes! I'm soooo happy! good news for a change! Seems like so long since there's good news!

Last edited by intrinsicdreams; 11-26-2008 at 05:06 PM. Reason: Update on my mother's condition! Was good news!!!!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-27-2008, 08:42 AM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: england
Posts: 23
kim1958 HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I lost my daughter 6 years ago at the age of 23 the only thing that helped me was spritiual healing. Six years on and I am now a healer helping people who have going through what I would call hell. Find a church in your area a give it a go you have nothing to lose but a lot to gain.

Take care

 
Old 12-02-2008, 08:59 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,357
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I have no advice, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for what you're dealing with.....

 
Old 12-03-2008, 12:03 AM   #4
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: england
Posts: 122
wen10 HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

Am so sorry for what is happening to you and your beloved family. I think it was nice advice Kim gave and something you might want to think about. Sorry for your loss Kim, it's good to know you are helping others.


deleted

Am sending you gentle hugs and hope you have some friends nearby who can offer you support my love.
Takecare.
XXX.

Last edited by Administrator; 12-03-2008 at 12:45 AM. Reason: Read the rules and report bad posts: do NOT reply about or to them.

 
Old 12-03-2008, 02:19 PM   #5
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Southern Ms
Posts: 95
Mildred1260 HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I promise to never mumble and grumble again after reading this. I can't fathom the pain that you are going thru. But I promise to send prayers up for you. ((((((hugs)))))))

 
Old 01-05-2009, 10:50 AM   #6
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Pekin,Illinois
Posts: 70
Cat Az HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I'm so sorry for all you're going thru. Please look into support groups they can be a source of help and comfort. Sometimes we make it thru impossible times by sheer determination, love of family, faith. Saying prayers for you and your family.

 
Old 01-16-2009, 10:15 AM   #7
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Oak Hill, VA
Posts: 3,506
ibake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB Useribake&pray HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I know this is tough on all of you, but this is hardest on the little ones. Please contact their schools and talk to their counselors. Tell them what is happening in their families and get some counseling for the children. My BGF is a public school nurse and i know that there are counselors that are available to help kids though tough times like this. They need to be able to have someone besides the family that they can talk to.

Next get your daughter into counseling also. She needs to be strong for the girls and she won't be able to without being able to figure out how to do it alone and on her feet. It would benefit your entire family to do it, in fact.

Is she active in church where she could get some help with dinners and such? That would provide some help with meals and take that burden off of her and give her some extra time to rest. If not, perhaps buying these meal plans where you go and get meals that you just warm and eat might help her.

try to get her into a group of some sort that she can relate to others and talk with them about either the separation or her illness..anything to get her moving and working towards a solution.

Good luck and you and your family are in my prayers....

 
Old 01-18-2009, 03:18 PM   #8
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: atl, ga
Posts: 16
brown skin HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

i just want to say that i have lost several people that i loved. most recently i lost my oldest and dearest friend to aids, my dad died several years ago, my grandmother who i was closer to than my own mom died, and my sister died. when it comes to grief,prayer and counseling works best for me. i just try to go on with life and not constantly dwell on the ones that have left me but every so often ill hear a song or something and end up just bursting into tears. the pain does get better with time but never completely goes away. i cant relate to the situation with your daughter because i know that to lose a child is the worst thing in the world. however i have watched my mom survive it and my best friends mom and you will survive it too! im so sorry this is happening to you. stay strong and keep doing whatever it takes to get through it, whether its venting on here, writing in a journal or diary, or seeing a grief counselor or minister. * HUGS*

 
Old 01-18-2009, 03:44 PM   #9
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Scotland
Posts: 15
ScottishLass HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

Hi there, I feel in a way you are already dealing with your grief, by preparing and talking about it with others. Grief can affect people in so many different ways, do what you are doing at present, be open and honost with your feelings and emotions, write them down, tell someone you trust, the more time goes by you will see your emotions changing and find that inner strength to pull you through.
My prayers are with you and your loved ones.

 
Old 01-21-2009, 08:25 AM   #10
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: laundry hell
Posts: 45
mysixpack HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I feel compelled to tell you this....I am the Mother to six kids. I can tell you that those kids need an outlet to express their emotions without judgement. If they feel hate, then they should be allowed to feel hate. If they are happy then let them be happy. Sometimes kids need help in figuring out why they feel the way they feel-just like we do! Is your daughter doing anything to preserve her memory, if she did pass away? A video diary is a nice way to communicate her ups and downs to them. I know it sounds like it would be a grueling task to sit down and write out all the answers a daughter would ask-but she should do it while she is healthy. Tell her not to wait!!! I'm going to start one. I think everyone should do that for their kids and grandkids. That way you can tell them stories of your childhood, who your first loves were, and how happy you were the day they were born. We should pay tribute to our own life, by telling our story! What a great way to help people heal after we go to be with Jesus!
I'm only 37 and have lost 5 friends to cancer, both grandmas to cancer, a 44 year old Aunt(this past summer) to ovarian cancer, and I watched my step father(65) die on a gurney as I ran next to it(with my 3 little girls). He had a massive heart attack 2 years ago, 3 days before Christmas. My Father-in-law passed away this past fall of many different things. My sanity has only been made possible by my belief in them all being with Jesus. I also don't want my kids to feel like I can't cope. They play off of me, and I want them to be OK with it. So far so good! They seem to keep moving right along. I think life is soooo short, we don't have time to feel sorry for the people who have passed away-they're all in a better place! They wouldn't want you to spend the rest of your life grieving. They need us to LIVE, because they can't! Living is not crying everyday, or thinking about death. It's making new memories with the people we love and who are still here. Your granddaughters need you! They will look to you for strength. You don't have to be super human and have no emotions-but you do need to teach them how they can keep living even when times are tough. They also need to know it is OK to be happy.
You sound like a wonderful woman and I think your daughter and grandkids are lucky to have you. Don't be afraid to reach out to your community if you need some help thru these tough times. I will pray for God to give you the strength and wisdom to give your family what they need right now. I will also pray that your daughter and parents find healing.God Bless!

 
Old 02-05-2009, 03:19 PM   #11
Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Canada
Posts: 59
dustydigger HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

Dreams, you can use this adveristy in your life to make you stronger. That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. As hard as it is, you knew since you were a little girl that one day your mother and father would die. It is part of life. Be happy that they lived such good lives. And be happy because they would want you to be happy. And use your strength to help those little girls. Their father is a scum bucket. He should be shot. At the very least, he should be made pay adequate child support payments. Can you take in those girls? Nice words about heaven and such stuff only goes so far. They need real help and support and stability and a home. At their age it is crucial that they get these things. I hope you or someone in the family can help these girls. Be strong for their sake. Think of how important their well being is compared to your sadness. If you could put aside your own grief to help these kids you would be a hero. If you can't help them yoursel, maybe you can help get them the help they need. I hope it works out.

 
Old 02-05-2009, 09:00 PM   #12
Junior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Rialto, Ca USA
Posts: 19
Jris HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

Dreams..My heart goes out to you.Both my parents, as well as my wife's parents have crossed to the other side. I'm a firm believer in the afterlife, and that helps me. Death is the absolute toughest thing we all have to go through,especially for the living..You're in my thoughts and prayers..God Bless

 
Old 02-27-2009, 10:38 AM   #13
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 66
misE08 HB User
Unhappy Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

Your story is heartbreaking, just when we are sad about our own lives we can always see someone else going through tougher times. I know we never understand the reasons and it isnt for us to understand really, but God will drag you through the toughest of times to get you to call upon him for help and salvation. It is sad that he takes the ones we love away to do this but he has his own way and we just have to put our faith in him. If you pray for answers to how to deal, cope and help the girls, he or someone will help you in those situations. I know that communities do care and will help. The girls really do need help, love and support and a good home to give them stability, what they really need. I will keep you and your family in my prayers, death is a hard thing to accept, i lost my dad just this past year and I still cant accept it, but I know God fills our lives with the things we need to go on and if that is you being with those girls, that is what will happen. I dont know how you feel or understand your heartache, as no one person will, every situation is different. I dont have the right solutions for any of it, try to stay strong and keep your head up. God Bless you and please rely on friends and the comfort that others on this board do care as well. Take care.

 
Old 03-28-2009, 08:39 PM   #14
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 10
bjmp45 HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

I am so sorry to read of what you are dealing with. To say that you must feel overwhelmed is just too great an understatement.

One thing I would like to suggest is that you find some counseling for your precious grandchildren. There is no way they can fully understand what is happening in their lives, but they need help coping with the changes and the stresses and the emotions they are feeling.

I rejoice with you over the good news about your mother! I hope she experiences a full recovery, and please let us know what the latest test results show.

I wish I lived near you so that I could reach out and be a real help to you. Instead, I will pray that God will meet your needs and give you strength as only He can.

I will be thinking of you and your family. ~~Joy

 
Old 03-30-2009, 12:49 PM   #15
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midwest City, OK, US
Posts: 10
VaWright411 HB User
Re: Someone please help, both parents & my daughter are dying.

It is the end of March now. I am new to the board and just read your story. How are things going? My prayers are with you and your family and especially with your 3 young granddaughters.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
What would happen if someone didn't have a bowel movement for 8 years??? numbcy Digestive Disorders 12 11-30-2009 07:35 PM
Can someone please help me understand? SmokeInATree Depression 2 08-16-2008 11:23 AM
Is someone out there willing to listen to me? maybe help? PLEASE! girl09 Depression 3 06-28-2008 12:48 PM
Someone PLEASE help me!!! I am WAY too depressed with my situation!!! Sahuja12 Relationship Health 5 08-25-2007 09:52 AM
please help dads dying jeanette34 Cancer: Colon 37 06-28-2007 07:49 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (7), MSNik (5), slenderella (5), rosequartz (4), renko (4), Ivorygirl (3), rudiraven (3), beth468 (3), writeleft (3), EagleRiverDee (3)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:58 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!