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losingtime · 12-03-2008, 05:54 PM

Well I came to this board from the caregiver boaed. My husband says he just can't take the treatments anymore. He says they make him feel as bad as the cancer. The doctor told him if he stops that he would most likely have Christmas and maybe the first part of january. It is just so hard to think it is that soon. We had planed to renew our wedding vows Febuary 4th on our 20 anniversery but may not be able to. The only family we have here are our 3 boys . all are grown but are taking this news very hard. So I always being the fixer am trying to keep strong for them. But as you can see tonight I am having a hard time being strong. My husband is back to sleeping most of the time. We are alone a lot of the time. The oldest son lives with us but works at night. I guess I just got to thinking how close it is to Christmas and it is going way to fast The youngest son comes by every day. The middle one just is still in denial. As was I till yesterday. Thanks for letting me vent. I will take all advice to heart. and any thoughts are welcome.

snoopy220 · 12-03-2008, 06:25 PM

good evening:

I am sorry your husband is struggling with the effects of the treatment. Do you have a pastor who can visit you and hubby with your sons to renew your vows now? Make a commitment to join again in heaven. As it is written in Matthew there are no marriages in heaven, but friendships.
Take the time while he is as comfortable as he can be to hold the ceremony with those who care for you, and enjoy the moment.

~Snoopy

SherryAnne · 12-07-2008, 09:38 AM

I am so sorry things aren't looking better for your husband and you. I think Snoopy had great advice. I would also make arrangements to renew the marriage vows as soon as possible.

I know how lonely it can be even if there are others around you. Yesterday was my birthday and I didn't even feel like acknowledging it since it is my first without my Mom who passed away not even five months ago. Like you,
my children are grown (one as a Senior in high school; and one a Senior in college) so I don't feel quite as bad not being able to get into the "Christmas Spirit" either. I put the tree up....but that seems to be as far as I can go. I am not sure that I can hang the stockings on the mantle knowing one is my Mom's. I miss her so much.

Talking to the deacon from my church (who was also the Deacon for the hospice service my mom had) really helped me a lot. It is important that you acknowledge your feelings and let them out. I used tell my husband to watch Mom for me and then I would get in my car...drive to the nearest church parking lot (church was always locked) and sit in my car and scream, cry, yell, etc. I always felt better afterwards. It's important that you have someone to talk to as well. A lot of times, I would come to these boards and just vent.

Please know that my prayers are with you, your husband, and entire family during this most difficult time. And I know I keep saying this, but I really urge you to call in a hospice service. They are so helpful and kind not only to the patient but the entire family as well. They truly were my "Angels".

God Bless

losingtime · 12-11-2008, 06:49 PM

Yes Christmas is very hard. But I do understand about you losing your mom. I lost my mom on Dec. 27, 1991. It was very hard to do holidays especialy Christmas for a while. But the best thing I did was to remember how she enjoyed the holidays and to do the things she liked. She always made giblet gravy, no one else made it like her. so I always try to make it at Christmas for our dinner and I still can't get it right. But those things will bring a smile back to you at these times . God Bless You .I am trying to get Hospice started. Thank You

lynnie52 · 12-13-2008, 05:28 PM

Hello
I joined this board when I read your post. I understand completely how you are feeling.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer three weeks before he passed away.
He chose not to have any treatment as he had seen so many people suffer more with treatment that without. We, that is our two children and myself respected his wishes and I brought him home to care for him with the help of a hospice nurse. I was taught how to administer morphine etc. Suddenly he was having trouble breathing and in intense pain, I gave him more morphine than prescribed, but that was to no avail. The nurse told me to call the ambulance and he was admitted to hospital with a clot to his lung. He was due to have a few days at hospice for a transfusion the next day, so was temporarily placed in a medical ward who are not used to treating patients who are prepared for death, they kept him going with iv fluids which filled up his lungs, causing great distress to my husband and ourselves who were keeping a bedside vigil.
This went on for four days, the only time my husband came around was when he was in pain. We loved to see him open his eyes and mouth words to us, but it was a double edged sword as we knew he was suffering.
The nursing staff were so compassionate and explained every step of the dying process and respected our privacy. After convincing the Drs to stop his iv, he slowing slipped away and we felt honoured to have spent those last four days with him, regardless of how traumatic it was.
That was 13 days ago.....I miss him so much. But I guess what I am trying to convey to you is that you will miss him terribly but in your heart you will know that you have done the right thing by standing by his decision.
My heart goes out to you, I thought I could look after him right to the end, but it didnt go according to plan......HOSPICE will let you sleep beside him and will comfort you.
I send my love your way.

caringsister54 · 12-18-2008, 12:20 PM

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. God will give you the strength for what you will need today, tomorrow and forever. I will keep you in my prayers.

I lost my husband to another type of disease. I feel that I failed him and my kids in so many aspects while also knowing I did all that I could. My kids and I are doing fine -- thank God -- and I know he's enjoying himself in heaven.

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