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Old 01-23-2009, 11:43 PM   #1
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marthar HB User
4 yr. old daughter worried about grandmothers death

Okay, In Jan. 2008 my dad died of lung cancer. My daughter was 3. She was close w/him. It didn't really seem to affect her much. Now she is 4 and is really close w/my mom. She would rather be at her house then here. My mom's health is not so great. She is 62. She is a diabetic. She has had cancer 3 times. She is overweight and has high blood pressure and high colesteral. For the past 6 months or so, my daughter has been having dreams that my mom dies. Also, she is just worried about it in general. She will sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and say "I have to see grammie now, she is going to die." She will tell me sometimes "Is grammie gonna die?" I tell her everybody dies someday. Then she gets freaked out and says "But I dont wann die" I don't know what to say so I tell her she is too young to be worrying about this stuff and we should leave it in gods hands. My sister said her 5 yr old son also told her he has had dreams of my mom dieing. Can kids predict when someone is going to die? It is starting to freak me out a little the my daughter is so worried about this. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Any comments are welcome. Thanks.

 
Old 01-24-2009, 04:37 AM   #2
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caringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB Usercaringsister54 HB User
Re: 4 yr. old daughter worried about grandmothers death

Dear Marthar

Please don't freak out but kids are born with gifts that slowly fade as we grow older. They are able to see people who pass and are also born with other types of "gifts".

You ask if kids can predict the death of someone. The answer is we really don't know. If it happens it could be coincidence and that's all.

You know your mother's health already and the problems. You know that each of those issues can bring on death prematurely.

You need to start distancing this child from the extreme closeness I read here. She needs to be around her peers more and be involved in outside activities that bring her into contact with many people. While she loves her grammie and there's no doubt about it, she may be so isolated in the relationship and this is a terrible burden to bear. Plus, as your mother ages, responsibility is transferred onto a child to do more. And its simple things that "go get grammie . . ." or "can you do grammie a favor . . .". While there's nothing wrong, the child starts to feel that they are responsible for this person.

My son is now 24, close to his grandparents. More on my side (my father and mother due to distance than from my husband's parents but he's close to all of them). he suffered the loss of my Dad who was his playmate and best friend until he was put into nursery school. He suffered exactly a year later the loss of his other grandfather. Now we are going through the process of losing what is left of my mother who has been in the throes of dementia for a few years. In the meantime, he loss his own dad, my husband.

He has told me that he feels a responsibility to be there to take care of my sister (who is 4 years older than I)and he is scared by that responsibility. He asked me what he should be doing? I said, "why, do you feel that you have to take care of Aunt X?" He said "because she has no one).

I said it was by her choice that she isn't with someone and is isolated but it is not his lot in life to 'take care of her'. I told him, you are to live your life and do whatever you are given to do in your life.

My Sister is not your responsibility, if anything, she's mine and I don't feel responsible for her either.

Please look for play groups, dance, gynastics, sports, whatever and help create an environment so that when it happens, your daughter will have outlets that get her through it.

Its only my opinion

CaringSister54

 
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