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Old 02-04-2009, 11:27 AM   #1
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The emotions of death

I want to give my point of view, the point of view of a dying person. I am 54 and dying of cancer. At this moment I am healthy and happy. Always happy. My wife and I are extremely close. She is 44. Just the two of us. No kids. We love each other very much and it will be devestating to her when I die. For me, and maybe anyone confronting iminent death, death is an inevitable part of life. From my point of view, I don't think death will be so bad. I was dead for thousands of years before I was born and it didn't bother me so much. For thousands of years there was a world around me that I new nothing about. For me, there was just nothingness and it was fine. I was born and have lived many happy years on this earth. When I die, I imagine I will go back to nothingness and I will never know the difference. I will live in the memories of those that knew me. For my wife, things will not be so easy. She will be completely devastated as many on this topic have described. She will be alone and lonely. She will not want company. She may even think of hurting herself. Those thoughts bother me very much. I want her to carry on. Of course she will take time to grieve. People grieve in their own way and in their own time. And that's fine. But eventually, I want her to move on. I want her to continue her life, to have fun, to meet new people, and eventually a new man in her life. That's what I want for her. She loves me so much, I hope she tries very hard to do what I want. I don't want her to be sad. What good does that do anyone? Do you think the person you loved so much and then lost, would be happy and proud of you for how you've continued your life? Do you think the person you lost would want you to be happy or sad? Really, I'm sure anyone that's died, if they could come back and say what they think, they would all say that they want their family and loved ones to be happy. It would hurt them to see their loved ones not functioning. I want my wife to be happy and as long as I am alive, I will do everything I can to let her know that. If she loves me, she will try very hard to be happy after my death. The thought of her not doing well would hurt me more than death itself. Please, if you truly love the person you have lost, think of them, what they would want. Continue on doing the best you can, for them. For those that know me, please, when I die, have a party. Be happy for me. I've had a great life.

 
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Old 02-04-2009, 02:14 PM   #2
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Re: The emotions of death

well spoken. I lost my husband Nov.8 with lung cancer. he just turn 65. i will turn 60 this month. he was my best friend we where young at heart . I know in my heart he would want me to be happy and move on. he saids alot of things that you have quoted. this post has made me feel alot better. thankyou for this. sometimes when I do laugh or do things . I feel so quilty he is not here for me shart my trips with my girlfriends. all my friends are younger than and we did beach trips and road trips alot. and Walt was always here with my dinner cook. just a good thought ful man . he was. again thanks so much for this. hope the best to you. and you love one. my heart is aching for both right now. my goal now is too share and help with otheres . take care disney world, faye

 
Old 02-04-2009, 06:36 PM   #3
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Re: The emotions of death

Thank you Faye. Walt sounds like a great guy. I know he would not want you to feel guilty at all for doing well. I'm sure he would want you to do well, to have fun, to be happy in life. Believe me, he will feel comfort and joy in knowing that you are O.K. Best of luck to you. You have a lot of life left to live.

 
Old 02-05-2009, 11:50 AM   #4
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Re: The emotions of death

Dear DustyDigger

While I made my husband promise to be with me forever, he wasn't able to fulfill it and because he was morbidly obsese for all his life, he had undiagnosed diabetes for many years as well as high blood pressure, both of which caused him to go into Progressive Kidney Failure

he was 48 and because he never started dialysis, it taxed his heart and he had a massive heart attack at home in front of my eyes. But it wasn't painful to me on the outside, he seemed to just go limp and his eyes went dark. It was like someone pulled his energy pack out.

I am sad each and every day over what he is missing with his two kids successes, etc. But I also prayed that if I was to live alone forever after that, God had to help heal my heart-ache that I was dealing with daily.

He passed away on April 13, 2005 and I was sent a gift from God June 10, 2007 via a dating site. A wonderful, kind, sensitive man who is a joy to be around and my port in a storm. While I'm not sure what the future holds, I am just glad that I don't have to walk through the worlds with the problems I now carry without having someone to talk to. Its just that I'd love to have that someone in the same room with me most times instead of having to pick up the phone.

Read 90 Minutes in Heaven. Its a wonderful book about one minister's visit to heaven.

Take Care
CaringSister54

 
Old 02-05-2009, 02:02 PM   #5
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Re: The emotions of death

Hi Sister. Morbid obesity most often results in death. There is nothing mystical about that, just medical. I would like to promise my wife I will be with her forever, but that would be sticking my head in the sand to the medical realities we face. You just don't see many old overweight people in this world. The two do not go together. The state of your heart is what you make of it. No one else can control that and I'm glad you are making an effort to find happiness. I'm not sure a higher power would care alot about online dating sites. You should give yourself credit for the sucesses you have had. But I'm glad you have found happiness, however it came. Put the past where it belongs, in the past, and keep moving forward. Maybe your new friend will become your new soul mate. And I'm sure everyone around you would be happy to hear new stories about your hapiness than how your heart is broken. So good luck, be happy, and I hope things work out for you with your new man.

 
Old 02-05-2009, 06:52 PM   #6
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Re: The emotions of death

dusty, I cant get you out of my mind. my heart aches for your wife. Walt told me one day, he wasnt afraid of dealth just the before. all he would say to me that we where going to fight this. he was just a good patient . Im sitting here crying so hard for your wife . she is so young to lose her soulmate. wish i could just reach through this computer and give you a hug. please hold on to every hope there is. research has done so much. what kind of cancer do you have. just remember enjoy every moment you have with the love of your life. im so sorry for what youtwo are gong through. its so tough to see the one we love to have this horroble disease call cancer. please I will be here for you forever. love faye

 
Old 02-05-2009, 08:47 PM   #7
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Re: The emotions of death

Faye you are indeed a kind and genuine person. Please do not feel sad for me or my wife. We truly enjoy every minute we spend together. I have prostate cancer that had spread to my bones before it was discovered. It has taught us to live life to it's fullest, do the things we want to do, and to treat each other as though nothing is guaranteed. Your obligations and responsibilities are to yourself and your loved ones that are alive. Be good to yoursel and your loved ones. Remember those who you loved and are gone, but be happy and make the most of life with those you want to be with. The future is guaranteed to no one so make the most of today. Thank you for your kind words. Dave

 
Old 02-05-2009, 09:09 PM   #8
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Re: The emotions of death

Dusty..My thoughts are with you, my friend. I'm a cancer survivor, and very grateful..I'm a FIRM believer in the afterlife, and I'm SURE that you'll be very "busy" on the other side, when it's your time to go. It's a journey we all face, sounds like you have a good sense about it. I'm sending you good thoughts..Peace..

 
Old 02-06-2009, 08:19 AM   #9
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Re: The emotions of death

hey Dave, I cant help but feel sad. but you sound so together. I have people look at me and say things like Im moving too fast with things. dont exactly know what they mean and be honest I dont ask. dont make decisions Faye in one year. well my decisions where made for me. when Walt got cancer. no income would be coming in. and I know that so I started selling antiques, gun collections, tools. you name it to make ends meet. walt was a professional civil engineer. own on company and doing well then his biggest client drop him saying he didnt need an engineer anymore. walt did alot of nursing homes etc. but again that didnt stop Walt. he got a very good job at 62. they came to him. and I was proud of Walt at that time. need cancer jump in. and we lost with forclosure our home of 30 years last April. but hey thats ok too. then I had to turn to credit cards because we had just good credit but now we dont. walt would never left me in this shape. he did have a good lift insurance but right now got a lawyer and trying to take care of all these debts. so when people look at me and say im moving too fast . I think my decisions where made for me. im a very outgoing person. and loves people and I dont want to spend the rest of my life alone. and as we know life is too short. I will always have Walt in my heart. dealth will not take away my love and memories of you. but I do want to laugh and have fun and be loved again. they way he loved me. he was and still is my first love. Valintines will be our 40th annivarsay and 4 days later I will turn 60. and without my Walt. but he is with me always. you take care and enjoy every moment . love faye

 
Old 02-06-2009, 12:05 PM   #10
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Re: The emotions of death

Faye you have gone through unbelievably difficult problems but it sounds like you have come through them in one piece. I hope you meet someone and I'm sure you will. And knowing how much Walt loved you, I believe he would want you to meet someone and be happy and well for the rest of your life. All the best to you. Dave

 
Old 02-06-2009, 12:14 PM   #11
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Re: The emotions of death

Jim thank you very much for your kind words. People believe different things about death but what is important is that your beliefs give you strength and piece of mind and maybe help take away the fear about the thought of dying. If a person is not preoccupied with death then life becomes more fulfilling. I hope you stay cancer free. All the best. Dave

 
Old 02-07-2009, 04:18 AM   #12
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Re: The emotions of death

Dave thank you for these kind words. just hearing you call Walts name. makes me feel better. we are strangers but you have help me so much with my emotions. pat yourself on the back right now. to have a broken heart is to have a open heart. heard that somewhere . how true is that. we all have brokens hearts for different reasons. but we can open our hearts to people like you. goint to the gym today and come home and get my new apartmeant decorated. thats what Walt would want to do. live life to the fullest. we went to Disney World for 13 years straingt. then my son committed sucidide. and he took apart of Walts heart. and Walt never got pass that. the night before Walt pass he sat up in bed and called Wally and reach out. a bitter sweet story. I will always hold un to that Walt saw Wally. they are together now. take care and have a bless day. love faye disney world

 
Old 02-15-2009, 05:24 PM   #13
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Re: The emotions of death

how are you doing.hoping you and wife doing something exciting this weekend. feel me on your activities. I care. love faye disney world

 
Old 02-16-2009, 07:48 PM   #14
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Re: The emotions of death

hope you are doing ok. faye

 
Old 02-26-2009, 05:53 PM   #15
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Re: The emotions of death

ok dusty let me know how you are doing. disney world. faye

 
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