My mom will be 80 in September, and has suffered with a bad heart all her life. She has been steadily going downhill for over a year. She is down to 71 pounds, a very weak heart, has blue fingertips 90% of the time, has no appetite, grey pasty skin, venus stasis ulcers and mottling on her legs, really all the symptoms of someone on their death bed.
She still insists on going to church every Sunday and I am starting to get people yelling at me for having her out of the house. They don't understand how stubborn she is and, as a daughter, I was taught well to always obey my parents, and at 47 I still can't tell her no when she wants to do something. Everyone is commenting to me that she is close to death.
How does someone keep going with so much weighing against them? She does have a pacemaker, can that be keeping her going?
And how do I lock out the comments being made by everyone in our town about how she shouldn't be out of the house when she still wants to keep going? It would be much easier on me and my family if she did agree to just stay in - it's a 1/2 hour ordeal to get her from her house to my car, and then anouther 1/2 to get her back in the house, she needs so much help.
Am I mistreating her by not making her stay home?
I really need someone to make me understand how a body can just keep going on sheer will like she is, and help me to deal with the comments of our family and friends.
My mother was in the same condition as your mother and had advanced alzhiemers. I used to wonder how she could continue to stay alive in such a state. It is amazing what the human body can endure. Your mother is lucky in many ways. My mother was confined to a nursing home and going out was not an option. I would not respond to what other people think, but your mother should realize that going out is a privilige and some days it may not be possible. But if it makes her happy, why not. At 80 she should do what makes her happy and not worry about tomorrow.
Thank you Dusty. My husband and sons keep telling me to ignore everyone and just worry about my mom and my own feelings. I do feel good when she's happy - and I'm trying to block out the negative looks and comments from all the small minded people in my small minded town. Some day I will have my chance to tell a few people what I really think about them and the way they have been reacting, but for now I am praying for the guidance to just focus on making my mom happy and enjoying the time she has left.
Mom you sound like you really have all your priorities in the right order and you are balancing your mothers wants and needs just fine. It sounds like you are taking excellent care of your mother. I hope that knowing you are right makes it a little easier to ignore the peanut gallery. Enjoy the time that you have left with your mom. All the best.
I'm new here in fact this is my first post. I'd say do what you are doing. Church makes her happy. Taking her to church isn't hurting her. In fact for your Mom it's a "Quality of Life" that she wants.
I work at a hospital, Seen a bunch (not everything) but a bunch I'm still not sure if there's an answer to how people stay on so long.
Last edited by Blackjack113; 02-21-2009 at 04:30 AM.
I understand you. My mother had Multiple Myeloma for seventeen years. In that time she went under countless amounts of chemo, had a bone marrow transplant, had two rounds of cranium surgery (unrelated to the cancer), constantly had WBC injections, RBC injections, blood and platelet transfusions, lost her vision as a result of the chemo and walked with a walker because the steroids had deteriorated her calve muscles and given her neuropathy.
She kept on, in spite of all this and she, too, went to church and was very strong in her faith. I come to find out she held on because of me. She was worried about me and my financial problems, the fact that I am single and don't have security. In the end, I had to beg her to let go because I couldn't see her suffer. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and the most selfless.
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