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Old 03-02-2009, 04:54 PM   #1
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my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

and im a wreck. im full of mixed emotions. i feel so awful, depressed and alone. i have no family members in the state to comfort me. im just here, by myself in my dorm room, crying. its so ****** up. my sister was only 26 (im 20). she died while in the bathtub. she overdosed on coke and diet pills. it made me so sad to hear that she went that way. it was hard to listen to how her body was found also. the neighbors below her noticed the bath water leaking through their ceiling so they called the cops, who found her dead. she was very sick, she was schizophrenic and though she may have died in body yesterday, she died in spirit several years ago. she hasnt really been my sister for a long time, but im still so hurt. sorry for this post, i just dont seem to have anyone to vent to.

i feel so awful, i was a terrible sister because i didnt know how to handle her schizophrenia, it made me so uncomfortable so i often lost my temper with her and didnt answer her phone calls. it was so hard to put up with her bizarre behavior and delusions. she was in the hospital so often, drained my family of money, disconnected us, and became the source of much frustration, and it shouldnt have been that way. i havent had a decent conversation with her in a long time, and i feel so bad that i didnt get to say goodbye or even leave on a good note. i last told her i couldnt talk to her and would call her back, i never did. that was 2 weeks ago. im terrible.

before she became afflicted with schizophrenia, we were really close. she was my big sister, my role model and we loved eachother a lot. it hurts so much i cant stand it.

 
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:54 AM   #2
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

blue im so sorry... and I wish someone could be there for you...

My ex mother in law was schizonphrenic, I know what you mean about bizarre. She embarassed me many many times (behaviors/actions) and I refused to have her back more than once. Those are tough decisions but they dont always make us wrong. I loved her, took her in, and when enough was enough, I still loved her. Its a strange thing. But I did what I could as Im sure you have.

That woman first introduced me to mental health. I'm now quite versed and I thank her for that. (Who knew???)

I come from a family who tries not to believe in mental health. They're all old school and back then u sucked it up and life was good no matter what. My cousin (in her late 30's) intentionally took her own life a few yrs back. To this day its kept quiet. I know this happens elsewhere. And like you said, you didnt know how to handle the disease. Well neither did I (for a long time) and neither does my family (still). For these exact reasons, and because of the genetic component, I try to help and advocate when I can. I don't want another family to pretend its not there, not know how to handle it, etc.. when almost ALL mental health issues can be well managed, and supported (its hard, and theres heartache, but it can happen).

I guess what Im trynna say is that I feel like they were robbed (by myself as well).. and my way of making it up to them is to educate others. In their right mind my ex mother in law nor my cousin would want anyone else to go through what they or the families have. If you keep feeling bad maybe you could do the same. We had a speaker incollege who told our class what it was like to be a caretaker of someone affected by alzheimers. These things matter to people (I learned a lot from that speaker).

I'm sorry to ramble, just know you were the best sister you could be.

And, much the same, she was the best sister she could be.

>>HUGS AGAIN<<

 
Old 04-05-2009, 02:02 AM   #3
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

Quote:
Originally Posted by blue712 View Post
and im a wreck. im full of mixed emotions. i feel so awful, depressed and alone. i have no family members in the state to comfort me. im just here, by myself in my dorm room, crying. its so ****** up. my sister was only 26 (im 20). she died while in the bathtub. she overdosed on coke and diet pills. it made me so sad to hear that she went that way. it was hard to listen to how her body was found also. the neighbors below her noticed the bath water leaking through their ceiling so they called the cops, who found her dead. she was very sick, she was schizophrenic and though she may have died in body yesterday, she died in spirit several years ago. she hasnt really been my sister for a long time, but im still so hurt. sorry for this post, i just dont seem to have anyone to vent to.

i feel so awful, i was a terrible sister because i didnt know how to handle her schizophrenia, it made me so uncomfortable so i often lost my temper with her and didnt answer her phone calls. it was so hard to put up with her bizarre behavior and delusions. she was in the hospital so often, drained my family of money, disconnected us, and became the source of much frustration, and it shouldnt have been that way. i havent had a decent conversation with her in a long time, and i feel so bad that i didnt get to say goodbye or even leave on a good note. i last told her i couldnt talk to her and would call her back, i never did. that was 2 weeks ago. im terrible.

before she became afflicted with schizophrenia, we were really close. she was my big sister, my role model and we loved eachother a lot. it hurts so much i cant stand it.

 
Old 04-05-2009, 02:05 AM   #4
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

Can you tell me some of the symptoms. I think my sister also suffers, she very paranoid and over protective, have negative thoughts and thinks everyone is up to no good. Can't even enjoy a night out with her anymore because she thinks everyone is bad and out to do bad things.

 
Old 10-06-2009, 01:09 PM   #5
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

Hi there,

I too have lost a loved one to schizophrenia. My little brother was 30 years old and suffered with schizophrenia for 6 years. Although he was being treated and taking medication he left us on August 8th and never came home. He jumped off a high level parking lot. We have so many questions but no answers. Did the demon voices he struggled with for so many years tell him he could fly? Was he just fed up with such life of isolation and torment? We are a very close knit family and he was surrounded by us all the time. He was very loving. However, no one can get through to him. No one was able to save him. No medication, no human, no doctor, no therapist, no psychiatrist, no loved one. We are heartbroken and we feel so guilty as well. I know what you are feeling and if you would like to talk further is there a way I can give you my e-mail address in a private comment?

Hang in there and prayer is powerful.

Sincerely,
-V

 
Old 10-06-2009, 09:02 PM   #6
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

my heart goes out to you. my son committed sucidede 10 years ago. he did drugs but was clean at the time. he was 26 at the time. also a friend of my took her life last June. she shared with me she heard voices that told her to do things. her doctor diagnose her as bein bipolar. we will never know what they where thinking at the time. mental illness is just like other illness. take care

 
Old 10-07-2009, 06:13 AM   #7
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I lost my big brother 5 years ago. It is so hard. I'm sorry you are suffering alone.

Please seek out some online groups. There are chats for sibling loss that are very helpful. People are there to talk 24/7.

Take care of yourself---grieving is some of the hardest work you will every do.

BIG HUGS.

 
Old 10-09-2009, 02:29 PM   #8
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

Blue712:

It's quite amazing. My Mom has Alzheimer's and the description of the stress with your sister is exactly what I go through with my Mom. Time spent with her is like falling through the looking glass. Up is down, right is left. I'm in my 50's and it's very, very difficult for me to deal with the mess. Her care has depleted my savings and I've gained a ton of weight over the past 4 years as she has deteriorated. I know that it's not her "fault" and that I am responsible for how I have coped, but I think people would only truly believe that if they've not been in one of these situations.

Please see if you can find someone at your school to talk to. You are so young to have this terrible grief and sense of responsibility. You were not a terrible sister, you were a kid. And you still are. You couldn't make your sister well. Even if you had been such a wonderful sister you'd have been like a character from a Disney movie, it wouldn't have changed your sister's illness. It really wouldn't have.

I've very sorry for your sister's suffering and sorry for your loss. But don't make it worse by carrying your sister's suffering with you. Get help. That sister you loved before the mental illness would want that for you.

 
Old 10-10-2009, 05:49 AM   #9
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

blue , how are you doing???????????? hope you are talking to someone. and keeping it in.

 
Old 10-13-2009, 08:34 PM   #10
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

Quote:
Originally Posted by blue712 View Post
and im a wreck. im full of mixed emotions. i feel so awful, depressed and alone. i have no family members in the state to comfort me. im just here, by myself in my dorm room, crying. its so ****** up. my sister was only 26 (im 20). she died while in the bathtub. she overdosed on coke and diet pills. it made me so sad to hear that she went that way. it was hard to listen to how her body was found also. the neighbors below her noticed the bath water leaking through their ceiling so they called the cops, who found her dead. she was very sick, she was schizophrenic and though she may have died in body yesterday, she died in spirit several years ago. she hasnt really been my sister for a long time, but im still so hurt. sorry for this post, i just dont seem to have anyone to vent to.

i feel so awful, i was a terrible sister because i didnt know how to handle her schizophrenia, it made me so uncomfortable so i often lost my temper with her and didnt answer her phone calls. it was so hard to put up with her bizarre behavior and delusions. she was in the hospital so often, drained my family of money, disconnected us, and became the source of much frustration, and it shouldnt have been that way. i havent had a decent conversation with her in a long time, and i feel so bad that i didnt get to say goodbye or even leave on a good note. i last told her i couldnt talk to her and would call her back, i never did. that was 2 weeks ago. im terrible.

before she became afflicted with schizophrenia, we were really close. she was my big sister, my role model and we loved eachother a lot. it hurts so much i cant stand it.

 
Old 10-13-2009, 08:40 PM   #11
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

I just lost my brother last week to suicide and I feel your loss. I feel so empty with no one to talk to either, so I hope we can help each other. When they take their own life there are alot of unanswered questions. Both of our siblings must have had alot going on in their heads that they couldn't deal with. But why would they kill themselves?? All I do is cry and just can't understand why he would do this to his family, who loved him. I hope we can help each other through this rough time.

 
Old 10-14-2009, 03:03 AM   #12
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

my heart goes out to you. my daughter was 17 when her big brother shot his self in the head. that was 10 years ago this year. we still to this day dont know why. he was very out going guy. he did do drugs but at the time he was cleaned. it really upset my baby girl Jessica. and last nov. she lost her best friend her dad. so the 2 best guys in her life is gone and i do worry about her. but she is at least appears to be a strong person. but all appear to be strong on the outside but on the inside we are dying. sweetie talk and talk. thats what got me through losing my only son. 2 years later my husband had a break down because he never talked about Wally. so for what ever hold it in. Jessica 6 months after her dad she a panic attack. and now she is seeking help. so you do the same thing. im here both you young ladies. i know the hurt you are going through from a moms view. we all mourn in different ways. talk, talk, and more talk. im here for you also. love faye

 
Old 10-14-2009, 01:07 PM   #13
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Re: my schizophrenic sister OD'ed and died yesterday

I am terribly sorry for your loss, and I am sorry you have no loved ones around for support. Mental illness is a very tough thing to deal with for the one diagnosed as well as thier family. It is understandible that you had difficulty dealing with your sister and that doesn't make you a bad person. I know it sounds cliche, but your sister doesn't have to deal with the struggles of schizophrenia anymore. Her spirit is free and her mind is clear. It may be a good idea for you to seek a support group in your area where you will meet people who can relate to exactly what you are going through. Don't be too hard on yourself. And remember your sister for her TRUE self and not her illness. I hope this helps a little. Take care.

 
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