I feel so helpless and alone. My husband has prostate cancer. He was told a year and ahalf ago that he might only have 2-3 years to live. I have been reading on the net and some men have lived far longer so I know that only God knows when a person will die.
He has been doing ok up until a few weeks ago. He is feeling alot of bone pain now and is tired quite often. I have been praying that this is just a small set back and that he will again start to feel better.
I am so scared for him and for myself. I am strong around him but inside I am a mess. The world doesn't seem the same to me since we have entered into this nightmare. It is very hard for me to go about my day, people ask how are you? Oh, I am ok I say, but I am not. My husband doesn't want anyone to know what he is going through, so all this just is running through my head. It is so hard to live in this world acting like all is fine when it is not. I just needed to vent, summerblue
summer blue: vent vent vent away....it helps to get it out. When my daddy was dying I felt so helpless and sorta alone too...I had to be the backbone and the strong one for the family, but I never got to let my emotions out for fear of upsetting someone further, especially if they were having a good moment at that time. My dad knew he was dying and he was told 9-12 months, he didnt even last a month and my mother and i knew he wouldnt b/c we were the ones that had been there since day one. You are right - only God knows when we leave this world and he may even take you or I before he takes your husband. We never know. Just pray for him, for his comfort and dont leave one feeling untold...take advantage of this time to express your love, feelings and thoughts, so many people arent "lucky" enough to get this opportunity, so as bas as we feel we do have to stop for a brief moment and count our true blessings from God. Thank God for the time he allowed you to be with him and know such a wonderful companion. It is hard losing your husband (i only know thru my mother) but somehow you will make it through, lean on the supporters around you. I know when someone asks you how you are, you just say ok, I went through that too, but sometimes if you sense someone has the time and wants to listen, let them hear how you really feel, it will release a little of that pressure you are storing inside...God Bless you and I will add you to my prayers. Keep us update...you will learn there are a lot of kind and helpful people here and it WILL help you. Missy
misE08 , Thanks so much for your thoughful post. It does really help to vent and to also have someone understand how your feeling. I truly do Thank You. It has been a bad couple of days here, he just had surgery on his bladder and having some problems with leakage, which has him really down. He also is in alot of pain and having so much pain walking, sitting and lying down. I am praying for him and I am grateful for your prayers. I will try to post again, I am quite busy caring for him and my daughter. Thanks again.
Hi dustydigger, he just turned 60 this past December. We found out he had prostate cancer that had spread to his bones January 2007 after he had a hernia operation. He has been doing good up to a few weeks ago then he started having pain in the backside area. He had a bone scan and mri but they couldn't see any tumor that could be causing the pain. I am sorry to hear that you have prostate cancer also. When did you find this out? How old are you? I hope to hear back from you.
summerblue: You both will have good days and bad days and even now I still do have days I have to break down. It is okay to cry and most likely you will feel very helpless and like you want to do more to just make him feel better. Just continue to lean on God and ask him to lay his hand upon the both of you to get you through each moment. It is so hard, and noone understands until they are having to go through it and see their loved one in these situations. I truly feel for you and I wish I could do more to make you and him feel better as well. Please just remember to be thankful for the blessings and take EVERYTHING in and let all of your feelings be known. Please keep us updated and know that others care and are here for you too. My prayers are still with you. Missy
PS: dont forget to take care of yourself too.....
Hi Summer. I was diagnosed 6 years ago and the cancer had already spread into my pelvic bones. I have been taking pain meds for 5 years now to control the bone pain. I am now 54. Your husband is a young man hopefully wiith a lot of life ahead of him. The first thing your husband should know is that he does not have to suffer. The doctors are very good at controlling pain, so get to see them as soon as you can. They will offer a wide variety of help. If cost is an issue ask about methadone. Also, I assume your husband is taking a hormonal blockade. He absolutely should be. Radiation is available and can help immensely with pain relief. As a last resort, chemo is available, not as a cure, but to knock back the cancer and improve quality of life issues. Also, he may ask about receiving an infusion of a bisphosphonate such as pamidronate. This will build up his bones and help shrink any bone tumors. Hopefully you have insurance, but none of these things are really unafordable. Your husband and I will both die from this cancer, however, not yet. The prognosis the doctor gives you is just a guess. I was given 2 years to live 6 years ago. 2 years ago I was given 18 months. Just do the best you can and make sure the doctors do their jobs. Check the Cancer - Prostate site right here on Healthboards for info. All the best to you both.
dustydigger, It's sounds like you are doing really well. Thank you for the info. Are you married, or going through this alone? I wish you all the best. My husband has an appointment Monday for his 3 month checkup. He has been off hormones for a few weeks now, we shall see if they restart them. I think he gets the Zometa(sp)? then also, then the following Monday we will find out the #'s for his psa. His numbers were very high when first diagnosed. He is having pain in the backside and legs, so we will be taking about what more they can do for him, besides the percoset and oxicodeine(sp)? Maybe the radiotherapy, I am just so overwhelmed with this. He had been doing so well and now with the pain, we are again scared that this is a decline of sorts for him. I really thank you and misEo8 for helping me along.
Hi Summer. I'm lucky to be married to a fantastic lady who has stuck with me throughout this ordeal. As far as the pain goes, my pain is exactly where your husband is starting to have pain. In my experience, the level of pain does not mean too much. My pain goes up and down and up and down. Some days I can hardly walk and other days I have no pain at all. The Zometa should help. The pain meds will help alot. Also in my experience, radiation has helped a great deal in reducing pain. I hope your husband has the opportunity to try radiation. Try to stay positive and it sounds like you have good reason to be positive. There is no reason why your husband cannot live many more years. Don't be overwhelmed with all this. If possible, it would help you alot to go with your husband to his doctor appointments. Please let me know how it goes at his doctor appointment next week. All the best.
Thank You so much for posting what you are going through. You are giving me hope. Knowing that you are going through the same thing, which really is a drag, I wish no one had to go through what you and my husband are dealing with, but at the same time, it is good to be able to talk about the ups and downs of this horrible cancer.
I am happy to hear you have someone that is with you during this. I know how that helps in not feeling you are alone.
We are going to talk with the doctors about radiation at our next visit. Oh and I want to say I meant in my last post he takes oxzycoton(sp)? rather than the oxicondine. The meds really do tire him out. I do try to stay as positive as I can, and I go to most of his appointments with him. I will keep you posted, please stay in touch, Thanks dustydigger, summerblue
Mildred1260, Thanks for your input here. 13 years with no treatment! How is he doing? Has he had a remission? By the time we found out he had the cancer, it had spread to his bones. Right now we are just managing his symptoms. He has been feeling good lately so I am hoping he will stay this way for awhile. I do think having faith does help. I keep praying. I wish your father in law well.